Anxiety from father and sneaky stepmother

[PersianGirl]

Hey guys so its my first time on this site and I'm hoping to God someone can help me. So my dad remarried about 8 years ago to a lady he met overseas. In the beginning she was very nice, I never even noticed her around. But in the past year or so, I am starting to Hate her. Hate. She gives me anxiety because she is a two faced conniving person. She acts like so sweet infront of guests and calls me sweetheart and her daughter but when we're alone she is a rude hateful person. If she knows I am home one day, she makes SO much noise slamming doors banging pots and pans around talking at the top of her lungs to her family overseas. She is very inconsiderate. When i try talking to her she won't respond or responds very cold and with an attitude. she is soooo fake!!!! my dad and I don't talk at all, just a hi and bye and when he's around she is exactly the same. It's as if she is scared to talk to me? Neither of them communicate with me. I am a prisoner in this house. I am trying  so hard to study my final year at uni and I feel so alone. I can't do my work. They don't ask how I am, and she is always ignoring me when my dad is around. My brother told me when I'm not home she goes in my room because he hears my wardrobe doors sliding open and shut. When I'm at home alone with her, I don't step out of my room. I starve myself so I don't have to go out into the living room and see her face there. I hate her for making me feel like a stranger. I hate her for taking my place in the house. I hate her for being a sneaky two faced human. My dad is no better. They lock their bedroom door when they go out, when I'm at home. They hide food from us? They get angry if we try to eat when they're not eating. My Dad won't give me a key to the house. I have nowhere else to go and I'm slowly dying inside. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't handle being treated this way. And that's not even a quarter of it but I don't want to bore anyone. If anyone out there can give me any sort of advice on what to do in regards to them I would be ever so thankful and grateful. Thankyou for taking the time out to read this and sorry for rambling on. Xo

[Damien]

Hey, nice photo!

You are worth the time to write to, that's the point of this forum.  Or one of the points at least.

🙂

[geoff]

dear PersianGirl, thank you so much for replying back to us.

The whole situation seems to be pathetic by your father, such childish behaviour by him, it's just unbelievable.

You know that you have our full support behind you, and when your exams are over, and I'm sure you will do well, is to hop on the Jeannie rug and fly away from him as far as possible, and even change your name by de-fault.

Take care and please watch your back. L Geoff.

[PersianGirl]

Hi again David! Haha... Oh Gosh... I know exactly what you mean.. I certainly agree he is showing a filter of stupidity! Ahhh I'm so sick of him it's not even funny... I'm honestly getting to a point where I don't really care anymore, I just think look I'm not a child anymore, I can take care of myself, I can look after myself, I can feed, clothe, bathe and live for myself what am I worrying about? It's true it would be nice and fulfilling to have the love and care from a father, I see some of my friends and the way their fathers care for them and I think ahhh what would it feel like to have a Dad? A father? Someone who watches out for me, cares for me, calls me throughout the day, night, texts me asking if I'm okay, where i am, wondering who I am with.. It sounds stupid, most kids get annoyed when their parents hound them but I just would love that feeling, just to know that I am cared about.. My Dad doesn't even know me, he knows nothing of my life, just my age and my name. Oh well, what can you do? Hahaha I didn't check to see if there was any spare icecream actually, but to be honest I wouldn't touch it after what he did! It also wouldn't do good for all my venting I've been doing at the gym!! 🙂 

[PersianGirl]

Hello Damien, thank you ! 🙂 and thank you for taking the time to write to me, I guess I just really needed to get this off of my chest, it has been killing me inside for a long long time, but I think I am finally coming to grips with the fact that this is life, this is how my father is and there's nothing I can do besides smile and get on with life, it's too short to be anything but happy (if only it was that easy though LOL) thanks again Damien 🙂 

[PersianGirl]

Hello there Geoff, thank you for replying to me. Oh I couldn't agree more with you, I have never known a bigger child than him, he is 55 for God sake it's crazy! As I was telling David Charles on my earlier post, all I ever wanted was to be cared for by my father, and something so simple he cannot do. I have dwelled on this for far too long though, it is time to move on. And to be honest I am so sick of hearing " oh well, you know your father" from people who know him!! I don't think that should be an excuse for anyone's behaviour. It's like murdering someone and going on trial, and your lawyer arguing to the jury "oh well, that's just Mahtab's (me) behaviour. That's just her" not acceptable...why have children in the first place if you're not going to care for about their existence,, I don't get it.. Well I've come to the conclusion that end of the day, HE is the one who will suffer when I am far far away from him.. He will look around and wonder where is my daughter? - Although I don't think he will ever would but let's just say... I think he will regret it big time. And you're right, I really do have to hop on that persian carpet out of here..and the name change sounds magnificent!!! I never really thought of that to be honest, thankyou for your brilliant advice Geoff.. Much appreciated and again, thankyou for responding to me, it feels really good to know that even though BB individuals have never met in reality, that it is still possible, from behind a computer to develop a connection with them simply by voicing your problems and knowing that you are not alone. 🙂

[Komiyan]

Hi PersianGirl, i read your OP and my eyes started to water <:(

I'm in almost the EXACT same predicament! Only difference is my stepmother is stone cold, she badmouths me behind my back to my father, and only ever confronts me when she's drunk. She used to be more upfront, but now it's a simple air war, as soon as i see her face my 'flight' instinct kicks right on in, and i hide somewhere she isn't.

Recently she has not even recognized my existence, just pretends i'm not there. But i can tell her thoughts, she wants me gone as soon as it's even plausible. Her hatred is so much, that it is now destroying my spirit, i'm literally dying from the stress caused by her mere presence!

When she is not around, or i'm studying at tafe, i feel FINE.
In fact i actually start to feel better as my train proceeds to it's destination, it's like the farther away i am from her, the less stressed i am. The same goes for coming home, i go from perfectly fine to ready to throw up by the time i arrive home.

My anxiety is quite bad when it comes to living with this "predator", in fact it's quite sickening. I can not eat at all when she is within a kilometer of me (LITERALLY!), i cant think without my thoughts drifting towards how bad this woman treats me, and once again i emphasize that it's her thoughts that do this to me: she has a stressful life of her own, so naturally she directs all this stress as hatred upon me, and although it sounds nuts, it's true, because when she's drunk, she sometimes loses control over her cork, and spits some nasty sentence my way. Unprovoked too, so i know by proof, she HATES ME, but hides it WELL.
However, because i concluded this hatred is real, it has made me many times more anxious than when i was before i made the conclusion.

Nauseating, stressful, and depressing, that's what my step mother's presence is.

Dad's fine, it's just this megabeast that's the problem. And i don't have anywhere to go, half my family is on the other side of the planet, and the other half have problems of their own. I need a stable environment, my mother and grandmother are stable and calm, but my mother passed away a year ago, and my grandmother isn't doing well either.

So basically it's live in hell, or live on the streets for me :{

I do know that once i finish my study, and get a job, i'm OUTTA HERE! (I voiced that out loud to dad half a week ago, since then my anxiety tripled. I think she figured i'm trying to get away, and maybe she is deliberately trying to hate my spirit to death even harder than before? Frick now i sound crazy! Well at least the picture is crystal clear, this woman is driving me insane AND killing me inside!)

Geoff is totally right, moving away is the only remedy to this kind of situation. And i've been thinking that for the past 4 years that dad and monster have been together.

So PersianGirl, even though i can't really put up a debate on who's stepmother is really the worst, but i know where your'e coming from, because i live it every single freakin day...
It does feel better to know i'm not alone, that others have had a megabeast tear them apart from the inside.

(BTW i see this is a bit of an old thread, how are things going? Did you get away from the monster?)

[optimistic]

Hi Persian Girl

If you are 22 and in uni and have a brother, have you considered moving out and living with some friends or your brother or yourself and picking up a casual job and may be even doing uni part time. That way you can distance yourself from the toxic environment at home as well as develop your independence. The negative thoughts are causing more havoc for you than anyone else.

Good luck and God bless.