Like my name, this is 1 step...

[1step]

Hi,

New to this forum, and I'm glad I finally found somewhere that I can talk (or type) about everything with people in similar situations or experiences.

A little bit about me: 31, married, work full time, 6 kids, 3 dogs and I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in March.

I wasn't sure about taking the steps to receive help, but when I witnessed one of my close friends break down, I realised that I wasn't alone, and that if I wanted to enjoy life again I needed help. So I made an appointment, and here I am 3 months in.....

I am currently taking medication, which at times works, but I still have moments I want to run away. However I know the signs and triggers, so I just either distract myself or, I take myself away and calm down. Whereas before I'd walk out, have explosive outbursts, or cry myself to sleep.

I googled depression /anxiety forums tonight because I was 'triggered' by a few things, and wanted to see if anyone else was like me.

My husband and I were separated for 17 months. He dated someone else before we got back together. However every time I see her, hear her voice, hear her name or have any interaction with her, I have mild - strong anxiety. I've dealt with a little bit of this with our marriage counsellor, but that was prior to my diagnosis.

My husband is aware of the impact she has on me and tries to talk me through things.

Recently I've had to deal with this person more than I'd like to. Seems we are all apart of a kids group, and we're all productive members.

My husband is basically the chairperson and has more interaction with her than anyone. Phone calls, texts, emails, Facebook msgs...... It seriously bothers me the amount of times I hear her name. I don't trust her, and past incidents have made me wary of my husband's honesty. I know he means well and tries to tell me everything that happens between them via said communication, but I ALWAYS HAVE those dreaded doomed thoughts. I don't want those! But I cannot seem to come out from it.

My anxiety is high, and I need either coping techniques, or distraction techniques.

Anyone had anything similar? Or have any advice?

Sorry for the long winded edition.

[ci]

Hi 1step

I just wanted to reply and say we'll done for taking the first step. It's so hard to make the decision to face our issues and tackle depression and anxiety.

it sounds like you are in a hard situation. I haven't been in your situation so I'm sorry I can't give advice. But I have certainly had my share of anxiety. You said you work and have 6 kids do you get time for you?

I am couple years older than you work from home and have 3 kids it's so hard to get everything done and find the time to do what need to do there doesn't seem to be any time left. I would imagine it's even harder for you.

What I've learnt about dealing with anxiety you need to be kind to yourself give yourself a break and don't push yourself when you having a bad day. Sounds like you are definitely doing something right if you are spotting your triggers and taking time to calm down

Beyond blue has a chat line to help you if you find yourself needing to talk and venting on here certainly helps just to get it out.

[1step]

Working with our marriage counsellor before being diagnosed, helped me see a lot of my triggers. I sometimes get blind sided and have a panic attack whilst even showering, but it's who/what in this particular situation that I notice.

I basically go to work, come home, sleep and repeat. I've lost all interest in everything I used to do for myself. I don't want to go to the gym, or out anywhere. I stay at home. I barely visit my friends and I'm always tired.

I thought that the medication would have helped a bit with the motivation side of things, but I don't have any! Obviously weight gain is an issue as the first month I gained 6kgs. Going from the gym 5 days a week and being down to 75kgs, I'm now back to 87..... Slowly put it on, than bam, have another 6kgs. I don't eat a lot. I have no appetite. I don't even feel like having water. Maybe I need to push myself out into the things I once loved doing.....

[White_Rose]

Dear 1step

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am glad you did find us here. We are a friendly bunch and we offer support to everyone writing in.

You said you and your husband separated for 17 months and during that time he dated someone. I gather this person was not the reason for your separation. Is this right? Now you have got together again you are concerned about the effect this other woman may have on your marriage. So what concerns you most? The reason you separated originally or the entrance of this woman into your marriage? I don't know if deciding this will help. I just wondered if the reason for the separation is the real concern and was being overshadowed by 'the other woman'. Perhaps this is a topic for discussion with your counsellor.

Depression and anxiety are really horrible and It's sad this happened to you. Some years ago I had a severe depression and it took a while to get on top of it. These are some observations about myself and depression which be helpful to you. Medication is a tricky thing. The first one you take may not be the best fit for you. You have been taking it since March so there should be some relief. If not perhaps you need to discuss this with your doctor.

Secondly, medication does not make you well. It gives you a stable base to work from to learn about depression and how to manage. Meds feel as though they are making you well and in some way they are. If your problem is simply a chemical imbalance, which is what we are often told, then the right antidepressant will make you feel better. Often there are other reasons and uncovering these takes time and effort and this is where the AD helps to manage the way you feel, what you do and how rational you are.

So if you are still having panic attacks you need to tell your doctor and/or counsellor rather than battle on by yourself. You said you were seeing a marriage counsellor, this still the case? Has your GP suggested you talk with a psychologist? This may help you a great deal. While depression may be an outcome of a dysfunctional marriage, it still needs to be understand and managed. Have a chat with your GP and talk about having a mental health plan and visits to a psychologist at a hugely reduced cost.

Loss of motivation, weight gain and tiredness are classic signs of depression. Learn as much as you can about depression. At the top of the page are blue tabs with drop down menus. Use these to navigate around the site and send for the info or download it.

Mary

[1step]

White Rose said:

You said you and your husband separated for 17 months and during that time he dated someone. I gather this person was not the reason for your separation. Is this right? Now you have got together again you are concerned about the effect this other woman may have on your marriage. So what concerns you most? The reason you separated originally or the entrance of this woman into your marriage? I don't know if deciding this will help. I just wondered if the reason for the separation is the real concern and was being overshadowed by 'the other woman'. Perhaps this is a topic for discussion with your counselloR

This person was not why we separated. It was actually several other women. Fortunately those women I don't know, and will never know /meet. This one however lives in our town, is in the same kids activities as us, and I run into her all the time. I've dealt a bit of this with our MC. She was the one who helped me to realise what triggers me in relation to her, and was trying to explain the cycle of anxiety to me. Unfortunately we don't get to see her atm (financial issues), but I've started seeing a psychologist for the depression /anxiety as prescribed by my doctor. I'd like to go back to her, as she knows the history between my husband and I, and could help more with my anxiety around this woman.

I've only had 3 sessions with my Psychologist, and we're really starting from the beginning. He's trying to pin point the events in my life that have lead to my depression /unhappiness. Funnily enough, we made headway in rehashing events I thought I couldn't remember....

I brought up my panic attacks with my gp on my last check up. She wants to see how I improve over the next few months, and we'll go from there. However if I feel like it's not working, or I have more frequent attacks I'm to see her asap.

I'm really at the start of the journey. That's what I want to see it as. This will not control me forever. I will find the fun in life again. I just have to fix a few kinks,so I can better understand myself.