Hi I'm new here

[Talon]

Hi all,

I have endured anxiety and depression for a very long time. I have taken various medications which have assisted to some degree, but I've never quite addressed, with any great vigour, strategies suggested by various professionals. I realise that change does not come without effort, but I'm now 45 and feel a sense of dread at ever being able to make any significant change, which I desperately want. I don't have many friends and tend to keep people at an arms length when it comes to fostering friendships. I've had potential great friendships, but shut down if I feel like I've made a fool of myself and slowly bit surely fade away from the person. A big problem is public speaking within my job and in general. I still, at my age, tend to stay in the background and not speak up. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm socially inept, but it has hugely affected my progression in my career and interacting socially. I tend to loosen up with alcohol, which I realise is not ideal, but find its the only way to have a social life where I'm not constantly checking and re checking myself and what I'm saying. This problem has within the last 6 months severely affected my voice. I can barely speak with any volume and this has only added to my already anxious self in social situations. I have consulted an ent specialist and everything was fine. I have had ct scans done and consulted a speech therapist. Again, with he ct scan nothing. The speech therapist believes there is little she can help me with, due to there being no physical symptoms and the lack of progression in the sessions I did do. I have a very stressful job which I have done for over 20 years and my voice is paramount to performing it. I have withdrawn more so at work despite my level of experience and come across as quiet and weak. Especially with my voice the way it is and my terror of any form of public speaking. I have thought of changing my career, but have no other skills which would assist in finding fulfilling employment. I have a mortgage, wife and 4 beautiful children, 2 of which don't live with me. I don't want to fail them and portray a weak, defeatist attitude to my children. I have read that the voice can be affected by anxiety, but feel no closer to getting better. I avoid social situations more now than ever. I don't feel like I fit in and am very hard on myself. I just want to be happy and live, not exist. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[blondguy]

Hi Talon

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too!

You are going through a lot right now. I have been in senior management for years in the private sector. It seems you have a role that is very demanding on you, especially with having anxiety/depression. When I read your post I actually felt like I was reading my own background. I do feel for you Talon.

I have had anxiety/depression since 1983 and have worked my way through with great pain. I hear you.

Having a mortgage and 4 (2) children and being married is a mega responsibility at any age. You are fortunate being 45 as you are still young...I am 56 and have been made redundant in Jan this year...I understand Talon.

You have tried a great deal to seek help and good on you for doing so. If I may ask you....do you have a GP that you 'connect' with?....I still see my crackerjack GP very month for a fine tune for my depression.

I also have the same 'dread' of social events that you have right now. The dread is real and I get it...I understand that it is difficult finding alternative employment as you are probably over specialised in your career right now.

There are many super kind people on the forums that can be here for you.

It would be great if you could post back......as many times as you wish..

My Kind Thoughts

Paul

[Doolhof]

Hi Talon,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the community here. If you read some of the posts here, you will discover a lot of people feel like you. Those suffering from anxiety often find various parts of their bodies show signs of not functioning properly due tot he anxiety.

Have you been to a psychologist at all regarding your depression and anxiety? Beyond Blue have many resources available. You could look up the info for depression and anxiety. You can also contact them for help in finding assistance in your region.

Have you researched ways to gain confidence with public speaking? Do you like to sing at all, even if it is just in the shower? Singing can help with so many inflictions. People who stammer are helped with singing as are people with dementia.

Could you practise talking to yourself in front of a mirror?

Recently I have been listening to some CDs on Mindfulness and breathing while driving about in my car. I practised some of the breathing exercises and meditation. I was so amazed at the peaceful night I had last night! The best sleep I have had in ages!

Just by trying to relax my mind, breathing deeply, listening to my thoughts but thinking of them just as thoughts, it all helped me.

Your Dr. may be able to provide you with suggestions to help you relax more or suggest where you could go to learn techniques.

You mentioned you have had lots of medical examinations performed and nothing significant has shown up.

Before a situation where you need to talk, tell yourself that you will be okay. Acknowledge that you don't like talking in public, recognise that it makes you feel anxious, then tell yourself that you will give it a go. Once you have said what you need to, then I assume someone else may need to talk.

You do not need to feel weak or defeatist. Sometimes our minds are stuck in a rut and we are so used to the same old story, we are afraid to try something new.

Hope some of this helps. Changing the way I do things and how I think has helped me so much along my life's journey!

Cheerio for now from Mrs. Dools