Hi this is Doolhof, anyone want to chat?

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

This is an open discussion, sometimes it is comforting to just have a chat with someone. You might like to mention the weather in your area, a book you are reading, a new recipe, or just chat about your day and expectations for the future.

Me, I would like a holiday somewhere near a beach where the water is warm enough to swim in, maybe a resort where all the food is organised and I don't have to do the dishes! A massage would be good, a shady place to sit and watch the ocean, fresh coconuts to drink and tropical fruits to enjoy.

Maybe I can dream of this while I am at work, it might help the day go quicker. 

Here we have a grey sky, it is windy and about 6 degrees outside.

I will just see who connects here, everyone is welcome. Regards to you all from Dools

[Quercus]

Hi there lovely Mrs D,

I stumbled on your thread just now and even if I have to head off to work now I wanted to say hello and let you know I have been thinking of you. When Mother's day rolled around you were in my mind constantly and I'd meant to find you here to say I hope you are holding up ok and that I care about you. 

I hope today is a bright day for you my dear friend xox.

[Doolhof]

Hi Quercus,

Thanks for dropping by, I'm still having trouble understanding this system and stumble upon posts now and then!

Thanks for your thoughts around  Mother's Day. For some reason my son's birth/death in August hits me hard too. I had a beautiful image come to mind of my Dad standing in front of my Children, I like to think they are all together in heaven with my brother also. 

I try to go for a walk every morning. Now the rains have eased I'm needing to weed the jungle! I was in the garden yesterday and a kangaroo hopped just 5 metres away from me! That was exciting.

Hope you are doing okay too, been a long time between chats! xxx

[Doolhof]

Hi Em,

If I have written something to make you feel in anyway that you need to apologise for anything, please excuse me. I'm finding this new set up confusing and wish it was easier to find what I am looking for. I applauder everyone who is managing to navigate this system and make it work for them.

Regarding your ADHD diagnosis, has that made life easier or even more confusing for you? When I was told I had BPD along with a string of other mental health conditions people have labelled me with, part of me thought "At last, that explains it" and also "yer right, what now, how do you tame this beast?" 

I like the title of the Brene Brown book, sounds very interesting. I will check it out. The use of the right word or a very descriptive word can be beneficial. Some people without mental health issues don't understand how troubled and confused the mind can become.

I think your counsellor needs to be cloned! The sessions I am receiving are through my work agency lady who keeps supporting me because my head is so messed up with work bullying and other issues. We do have 3 phone consults we can access through work as well. I think I have used them up already this year!

Hope you enjoyed the Bush experience and that is was too cold for the snakes!

Yes, I do need to get my art book off the bench and at least open it! Ha. Ha. All the best to you from Dools xxx

[mmMekitty]

Hi Dools,

That counsellor talking about possum in the chimney, sounds like the Psychiatrist I had stuck with far too long, seemingly more interested in having me like waht he liked, not listening to me, not hearing my perspectives, pushing his ideas - he got me so annoyed. I realised I learned a lot about what I don't want in a therapist. After long while I was able to acknowledge I was angry & I had a right to be, & I don't have to sit there & accept it either. That took me a long time!

You have the freedom to talk or not talk about anything you choose here. If you think you've said something you feel uncomfortable about revealing here, if you realise very quickly after posting, ask the moderators to either edit or remove your post. Use the 'Report a Post' fuction. Or write an email to modsupport. Same goes if you feel disrespected or unsafe because of any response you have anywhere on BB. 

The image you hold in your heart & mind is so beautiful. 

Hugzies? Yours if you want.

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi,

I'm not sure if anyone will read this or respond. I just need to express a few things.

I'm still trying to access a mental health care plan. The Dr had made an appointment to do that in November. That appointment was cancelled, in the Dec appointment he said he would do the care plan end of January! Maybe I need to find another medical centre!

Work has been confusing, hurtful, upsetting and weird these last few months. Constant bullying from a co-worker who would not help when life was busy. Management told me I am no longer fit for duties Monday to Friday and can only work weekends. I had 3 days of work taken from me. I am not in a union.

No explanation as to why I am no longer suitable nor any chance to change to restore my position.

I feel like I have been kicked in the head, that I don't matter and my concerns around all of this are irrelevant.

No one has asked about my well-being or mental health status regarding this even though I had a massive panic/anxiety attack and ended up in hospital for a couple of days due to work, and the managers had been notified of this. 

I'm almost 60. I have been looking for other work. I don't have the skills required. I want to leave work but can't afford to. Going back on New Start or what ever it is called now sounds horrific, trying to find so many jobs a week and volunteering for 15 hours a week. 

At home I am feeling lost 5 days a week. I am trying to keep myself busy. Increased depression is not helping! Feeling inadequate and useless is not helping. This time a year a lot of volunteer places are closed.

I know I need to be thankful I have weekend work still. I need to look for the positives in life. Some days it is hard to do that.

Just needed to off load! Regards form Dools

[mmMekitty]

Hi Dools

I'm so sorry so much has been going on for you, with so little support, understanding, compassion or communication, & I reckon, there's some workplace discrimination going on with your hours being cut like that, & there being no explanation - I wonder, because of the lack of support for your mental health while at work.

I don't understand why the GP won't simply write up a mental health care plan. I suppose you will have to be insistent about asking for one, & asking why not if they refuse. It really is puzzling about deferring until January. 

In another post, you were looking up 'assertiveness' - I hope you do, because dealing with GPs is one area where I think some assertiveness could be very useful. I know, I get really nervous asking about things important to myself, especially when others don't seem to think so, & it takes a lot of effort, & I still push my emotions aside to simply ask a question, or say to them this is important to me, & things like, "I need ... " & "I want ....".

It doesn't mean saying "You must ..." or "you have to ..." or even saying why I need or want something, as if to justify what I'm asking for.

I hope the research you do explains better. Doing your best to remain calm & state things from your perspective, lots of practive..  

I feel a bit at sea talking about 'assertiveness. 

I'm so sad that you feel down on yourself for all that is happening. You've been a valuable participant here, supportive & caring with intellegent responses to people. It's unfortunate that posting here isn't paid employment.

Must go now... I think I forgot where I was going to post a reply to someone... arggh, my memory. Maybe it was that other Discussion of yours? Now where was that at?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty,

Just stumbled upon this reply from you. It seems I need to just keep flicking through notifications/profiles/your discussions to find responses. Not at all as easy as it used to be here on the forum.

I went to work on Saturday and promptly burst into tears. I didn't want to be there. Thankfully one of the staff took time to have a chat with me and she expressed that she cares how I feel and she always appreciated all I did for her. That made me feel a bit better. Otherwise I feel so disconnected and hurt by what has happened there.

I need to let that go and try to make the most of what I do have.

Many times last year I tried to have a Mental Health Care Plan written up. I kept getting fobbed off by different Doctors. Hopefully it will happen during my appointment later this month! Yes, I will try to be more assertive about it!

I do have all this spare time, so I am hoping to be more proactive in finding ways to assist myself more. Having some professional help to point me in the right direction will also be beneficial.

One of my struggles is working out my emotions. There is more to feeling depressed than just being depressed if I could recognise the emotions and feelings that add to the thoughts of being depressed I might have greater understanding of what is going on in my head.

My mind is confused with all of that, my thoughts tell me I am depressed, my emotions tell me I am depressed my feeling is that I am depressed. I don't know how to differentiate between thoughts/feelings/emotions. It is all the same in my mind.

[mmMekitty]

Hey Dools, I've just re-discovered this Discussion, too!  I agree, this site is not so easy as before. I've got to remember or find where the Discussions are & check even if I don't get notifications referring to those Discussion I've visited. In My Profile, looking at the list of the Discussions there, I've got to notice if the number to the left has changed. But what if I don't remember what the number was last time? 

But I'm here now - evidently two weeks after you found my reply. It doesn't look like you were very long in responding, to mine before... so don't worry, eh?

We might just have to refresh our memories by rereading our posts when next we are here. 

We could pretend we are space travellers & understand that communicating over vast distances takes time, time from when I post to when you recieve, & time from when you post to when I reply. If we are far across the solar system, it could take weeks or even months to have a simple conversation.

*

Thoughts & feelings/emotions can be a tangled mess, indeed, sometimes contradicting each other. I had a lot of trouble naming what I felt when I first began seeing a Psychiatrist Back in 1993.

You said when you went to work on Saturday & you promptly burst into tears, because you didn't want to be there (given how they have treated you). I think it would be reasonable if you felt any or all of these: anger, resentment, hurt, miserable (more than unhappy), stuck & in despair, Perhaps even some fear that you'll stay stuck, or can never find other/more work. 

You have said you feel so 'disconnected & hurt by what has happened there'. That's a great start. 

When your co-worker spoke to you, how did their words feel to hear? Did you appreciate them saying them? If so, call that 'gratitude'. You can say, 'I feel gratitude' or 'I feel greatful'.. 

Or maybe, you felt a nervous, shy feeling, like embarrassment because you are not used to people speaking to you as the co-worker had? Meanwhile, deeper inside, you felt the warmth the caring words brings us? 

I meant to ask how your research into 'assertiveness' went? I'd like to know what you've learned.

Goodnight, Dools, pleasant dreams & hugzies.

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty,

I did do some research on assertiveness, then I promptly forgot what I read or decided it was too difficult to put into practise at work.

The staff member whom I used to work with was a real bully and could be so nasty. She is now my supervisor only I have very little contact with her and she doesn't even respond to my work emails! As I only work weekends I have no contact with anyone else in my "Team" so I need to just look after myself and try to decide what I am supposed to be doing. 

At the end of this month I will be on holidays for two weeks. I am a little curious who will be working in my place. I know it doesn't matter, just so long as I still have a job to return to.

I appreciate it when other staff members stop to have a chat with me and confirm they believe I am good at my job. It makes me feel worthwhile and like I do belong. Sometimes I just feel so alone there. I know it is a work place and I'm not there for friendships but to work. When the bosses keep talking about working together and being part of  a team, I feel like a team of one.

I try to make the most of the work day when I am there and try to recall the nice moments.

Each morning I enjoy a walk, that is a great way for me to start my day. 

All the best to you and all reading, regards from Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools

i just wanted to thank you for all you post and kind replies. I find it hard to be assertive as I worry I will be rude.