Do you feel comfortable on the forum?

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

I've just been having a look at some of the posts on the forum and have once again been aware that some people make a thread, post once and then we don't seem to hear from them again.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, I am just wondering why that might be the case.

Do any of you have any suggestions?

Can you think of ways people may feel encouraged to continue posting?

o you personally feel welcome on the forum?

Connecting with others on this forum can be so rewarding in many different ways.

I also realise a lot of people just read and don't post and that is okay as well.

Are there ways we can make people feel more welcome here?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and ideas.

Cheers to you all from Dools

[J-J]

Hi Everyone,

I was very active in the first few weeks and died off.

I pop in once a week to have a look around.

The site itself is a rabbit warren and if I can't find where to post something and post it in the wrong section you can get jumped on by other members.

I find I self-edit, which is one of my issues and this has caused me to delete posts and replies before I hit send due to the worry that people won't take it the right way.

I have found a number of people reply to whatever I post so it's not like no one is out there. The majority of people on BB come from the right place, they are open and friendly.

The reason I don't come more often is that the site is all over the place and I really don't know where to just post an everyday question, thought or feelings.

All the best JJ

[White_Rose]

Hello JJ

Thanks for your feedback. One of the reasons for having a thread of your own is so you get the suggestions and help from others who know where you are. Having said that there is no need to create a thread unless you want to talk about a specific topic.

I have not seen anyone jumping on another poster but sometimes we suggest making your own thread because it seems you want to have a conversation. Otherwise simply join a conversation in an area you would like to be involved and state your experiences, feelings and needs.

I do not have a thread as I do not have a particular topic to discuss. You may have noticed that various people have created a thread that has general interest rather than a specific need. Again if you want to talk about some aspect of mental health rather than an issue that is troubling you, please feel free to start a post.

May I ask what questions you want to ask but do not know where to post? I know sometimes two forums seem very alike and it is hard to decide which one is appropriate. In this case just choose one and write. If the moderators think your thread will have more replies in a different forum they will move it and let you know. So there is no need to worry about posting in the wrong place.

I hope you will come back more often. I noticed your posts when you first arrived and also that you have not posted much lately. Some people come and post a few times then leave and others stay and post a lot. I presumed you had got what you needed so had no need to return. So please try to navigate the rabbit warren and give some more of your experiences.

At the top of every page there are some suggestions on different matters. One of them is, 5 Tips for getting the most out of the forums. If you read this it may be helpful to you. In the meantime I hope you post again.

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hi JJ,

Thanks for your contribution and comments. Mary has responded to you with some suggestions and ideas. I too would like to encourage you to start up your own thread if you feel comfortable doing so.

When someone suggests a person starts a thread of their own, it is not because we consider that person to be undeserving of receiving an answer on the existing thread, but more due to the fact their one off post may be inadvertently swallowed up in the existing conversation.

Some threads move along very quickly and some seem to come to end. Both are okay, it is the nature of the forum.

Maybe you could start up a thread and call it "Every day questions". That way when you or anyone else has a question they don't know where to post, that can be an ideal place for it.

Other members may then be able to direct people to where they can best find some answers or relate directly on that thread.

Thanks for mentioning some important facets of the forum.

Cheers to you and to All from Dools

[KittyCat23]

If I may....these comments are made with the greatest respect and in an attitude of being helpful.

Anything mental health or labelled mental health has such a stigma in society that a lot of people can be reticent to post anything that might identify them. Despite awareness campaigns and best efforts mental health is still strongly associated with thoughts of insanity or being defective out there in the real world. I'm sure I'm not the only one to witness firsthand people being managed out of companies and jobs once it becomes known they have a 'problem'. Yes that's illegal but if managed correctly can appear perfectly legal. People aren't pc and well anyone who does not have these problems themselves can harbour all sorts of unfair judgements about it. Being identified I think might be a primary concern for some posters, it was for me. If you're an anxiety sufferer with a runaway brain those starting thoughts can take you to very weird places too.

I also find the current awareness campaign of 'you can talk about suicide' to be a little contradictory. My personal experience is no you definately cannot talk about it without some well meaning person calling the police on you. That is the one topic that is absolutely taboo out there IRL because talking about that can land you in an assessment. Perhaps this is part of the problem, if someone is contemplating it, the very act of saying so can be enough to stop them from taking the next step. But people panic when they hear such things and well there are massive warnings all over these forums as well about all posts being checked, call emergency services etc, etc. I understand why those advices are there but it all adds to the taboo component about that topic and compounds the feeling that you really can't talk about it at all.

I know when I post I often double check information I'm sending out to the world never to have control over again. In most forums you can't edit or delete what you've posted so if you post something from a bad place you might regret it and never be able to un-say it. It's not confidential, it's not even yours once you've hit that button. It's the equivalent of putting your thoughts on radio for the world and lets be honest, these thoughts aren't in general our finest hours.

It's wonderful we do have a place to connect with others with bald-faced honesty that we just can't share with anyone else in our lives. But you are aware you have to be careful what you say.

[Quercus]

Hi KittyCat123,

I like how you compare the forums and real life. You're right that in real life stigma still exists and discrimination is alive and kicking. I know this from experience.

For me I treat the forums as how I want real life to be one day. I know it won't happen today or tomorrow or even in a year or two but maybe eventually us writing and speaking openly will start to filter through and affect our offline lives.

Wishful thinking perhaps. But I figure once upon a time women couldn't vote and that change didn't happen overnight either.

I'm learning real people talking about their own experiences with suicide and recovery is helpful to me.

Yes when we are at risk of harm it has to be taken seriously. When we're talking about considering suicide or planning suicide it is an emergency in my view.

We are talking about a hurting, important and valuable human being at risk and noone wants to see another preventable death.

It makes sense to me that in this situation professional medical support is required first. Speaking out in a situation like this was for me asking my husband to take me to the doctor and being honest there with someone I knew had the ability and power to keep me safe.

But that doesn't mean once you are supported and safe and managing your feelings you bury how you felt. When you are safe from harm I think that is time to share with others. For me this is when I joined the forums. At my worst I only read and wished someone offline would notice I was at risk.

Reading what others wrote about mental illness helped me to realise what was happening within me. I read about how to identify the warning signs. How to self care. What suicidal thoughts and depression felt like for them. How they asked for help and where. And eventually I asked offline.

As to your posts... If you write a post that you believe makes you identifiable or at risk you can always email BB or hit report post and ask for help. Threads tend to remain to benefit other readers however if something is distressing you it is important to report this.

[KittyCat23]

Something else I've just noticed about this board, I received a moderation note to say I should post only 1 thread and that is why my other posts have not been approved. The reasoning was explained and I don't have any problem with it, except that my posts were all about different facets of living with depression and didn't seem appropriate to only go in the Introductions forums and remain there forevermore. I'm a bit confused about why there are different forums if only 1 thread is allowed. I have for example many tips on how to cope with this illness but if they are all buried in my introduction thread then they might never been seen. I've tried to find an existing thread to put them under but can't seem to find anything applicable. For this reason I don't think I will contribute much if at all. It doesn't make a lot of sense of me to restrict posting so rigidly. Although I'm sure there are some reasons for it. I prefer to engage in formats that are freer in their organisation and restrictions. So I will probably find a motivation living forum or similar to offer my insights on.

I prefer to keep my black day thoughts separate to my better moments for organisational purposes. Forums that enable my to categorise my posts the way that makes sense to me tend to engage me more. It's a good thing that this forum is here but it's format is a too rigid for me to work with.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dools

Thanks for creating this thread. I too often wonder why some people stick around and others don't.

As someone who's been active less that a year I can say that it takes some getting used to but is well worth the effort.

I really struggled with the fear that I might say the wrong thing to someone in need. I've learned to contribute to only those threads where I feel I can make a responsible contribution. And I talk from the heart, just like I would if i

[Summer Rose]

Sorry, I hit post by mistake. To finish ...

Just like I would if I was talking to a loved one.

I feel very comfortable on the forum. I have had one negative experience participating on a thread that turned nasty but otherwise it's a very respectful place.

[Quercus]

Hi KittyCat23,

That's a shame that you feel restricted. You're right there are rules to the forums but they do exist to keep us safe so I try work with them. There is a thread about forum suggestions and improvements that you're always welcome to contribute to.

In terms of sharing ideas... generally I do a keyword search before starting a new thread to see what else is already posted. If one doesn't exist or doesn't fit what I need to discuss...I create a new one but in the year and a half I've been on the forums I have only created about 10 threads in total.

I keep one thread for my personal story and contribute to others for ideas/suggestions etc.

We are generally encouraged to keep one thread because it helps others to follow our story. It can get very confusing to try locate multiple threads to understand and support a member.

I've found having a long term thread doesn't mean you lack support. The idea of giving support to receive support has worked for me. I enjoy writing to others and mostly others who stick around will eventually find my thread and say hello.

Like Summer Rose said it does take time to find a method of using the forums that works for you. I hope you can keep trying.

[blondguy]

Hi KittyCat23

Great to have you on the forums. I understand your frustration re being able to post more than one thread.

As Quercus mentioned above keeping to one thread topic actually provides you more with many more responses of support compared to having multiple threads where it will be difficult to post back to you

Having one thread also provides more 'space' for new members to get on the 'New Posts' section when they need some TLC too 🙂

I hope you can stick around the forums KittyCat23!

my kind thoughts

Paul