Hello Anxiety_sucks
Welcome to the forum and yes you are right, anxiety is the pits.
I want to make an observation about anxiety and depression. It makes no difference if you have the most wonderful life possible or are searching the rubbish bins for food. Anxiety is no respecter of persons. Feeling guilty is something the anxiety and depression do to you not the other way round. Although society does frown on depression and mental ill-health in general it is not because of something you have done or not done in your life. The disapproval comes from the community fear of anyone behaving in a different manner, and this is why we try desperately to hide it.
Think of all the sports stars who are admitting to depression and other mental illnesses. What about the successful entrepreneurs, entertainers, the list could go on. On paper they have a wonderful life which many envy but it doesn't give them an immunity to depression etc.
May I ask who is prescribing your antidepressants? Is it your GP or are you using professional help? Simply giving an antidepressant to someone will not cure them as you are finding out. It's like giving someone with diabetes some medication and then letting them carry on with their old life. To get rid of diabetes takes more effort than taking a pill and the consequences of doing nothing can be disastrous.
Same with ingrained depression. Why do you feel the need to criticise yourself? Has anyone told you that you are a bad person or anything similar? If you are not positively working on your depression then I suggest you ask your GP to give you a mental health plan and then have a chat with a psychologist. Your GP can explain how it all works.
It's hard for others to understand how horrible it is to be depressed. Here we all know about it and can support you. It's a good place to be. And again you are right, it is exhausting criticising yourself. It's also pointless. Self criticism will not help you. You are hoping you will find more self acceptance. Do you mean you want to be comfortable with being depressed? No no my friend. Accepting your depression and working on getting rid of it is the way to go, not simply accepting you are depressed and that makes you somehow inferior. You are as valuable and as worthwhile as anyone else.
I would love to chat with you some more.
Mary
