What to do after losing faith in medical professionals?

[Trans22]

I find myself in a situation where I never want to see another medical professional associated with mental or physical health.  Multiple GPs, an endocrinologist, a psychologist, 3 psychiatrists, & other mental health care professionals have let me down (a miracle that I'm still alive?).  Given that this is a mental health forum, I will focus on mental health side.  The psychologist that I had been seeing for about 16 months ditched me when the going got tough - I remember hearing words like "I was too fragile".  A psychiatrist prescribed me medication that led to my losing consciousness.  I ended up in a private mental health facility where my first psychiatrist merely listened - no treatment offered.  Staff at the facility didn't seem to care about my being triggered many times per day, until a nurse came to see me the day I announced my decision to self discharge (due to multiple incidents involving other patients).  I eventually got assigned to a psychiatrist who seemed interested in caring for me, but they prescribed me medication that caused another serious health issue (if they look at my health record they would have been aware of the problem I'd face).  As a result of all this, I've been off work for about 25 weeks and never want to see/trust another health professional again.  I've already informed most of the people involved that I will never walk into their premises again.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Hope,

I really understand. I was really severely harmed by the first therapist I saw who was highly negligent, unprofessional, did some unacceptable boundary transgressions and was actually abusive. I felt like I'd been damaged almost beyond my capacity to repair myself as I had trusted this person to be safe.

What I learned from it was I am actually a more grounded, balanced person than the therapist was. So perhaps you can take heart in knowing that you are standing on more solid ground than your therapist and stand tall in that knowledge. Often you have to do some healing around the additional harm accrued from seeing a bad therapist but it can also be a good learning curve about learning to pick up on red flags and sensing into who is a trustworthy person and who is not. I have increasingly been learning to listen to my body which lets me know when something doesn't feel right. I've had a tendency to override this intuition in the past and then end up in some bad situations.  I'm now listening to my intuition and things are working out much better.

There are of course avenues for formal complaint if you want to go down that path. I didn't simply because I felt too damaged and it seemed like it would just create more stress in my life that I didn't feel I could handle. It is something I could still pursue at some stage but I have to feel like it is worth it. It would be really to protect others from similar harm.

Take care and remember there are helplines you can call if you feel you need to talk things through with someone. There is the BB helpline on 1300 224 636 and Lifeline on 13 11 14. I'm not sure of your background/history but I have found The Blue Knot Foundation to be excellent who specialise in complex trauma. They are on 1300 657 380. They are available daily but unlike the others are not 24/7. They are from 9am-5pm eastern states time.

One of the best things for bad interpersonal experiences are some good interpersonal experiences which can be very healing. If you can have some positive and caring interactions it can really help.

Take good care,

ER

[Trans22]

I hope things get better for you, Hope.

MY UPDATE:  I'm moving at a slow pace, a pace I'm comfortable with.  My workplace is helping by requiring me to see my current GP on a regular basis.  I've reached out to my first psychologist and we've had some Email correspondance, but no appointment has been made yet.  It feels like my physical health issues have improved a little but that could be wishful thinking on my part. I recently made some choices that I think I can live with, which should mean no more psychiatrists.  I have started looking for a new endocrinologist.  My mental health state is definitely improving - I'm getting better at living in the present.  Taking myself offline (mostly) has definitely helped & I'm trying to find a hobby that will help minimise my online time.  It's not a perfect picture but it's a better picture than I imagined when I started this discussion.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Trans,

It is wonderful your mental health is improving and that it feels your physical health may be as well. I think moving at a slow pace makes sense. I’m glad it is helping to have that ongoing support with your GP and your workplace is supporting you with that. It’s good to have that contact again with your first psychologist too. I’ve found that after everything hits the wall and feels hopeless, somehow it’s followed by a recovery and healing phase which is gradual in nature but there is eventually a path forward and things get better.

I don’t know anything about the dark web so all I can say is take care with medications. I hope you can find a good endocrinologist. It is really worth finding someone on the same page as you who understands you well and is also a good listener who can be present with you. It can make a phenomenal difference when it comes to medical encounters.

A hobby you enjoy can make a huge difference. For me it is photography that gives me a focus (both literally and figuratively) that takes me out of mental health states I’ve been struggling with. It gets me out into the world too. I especially enjoy nature and wildlife photography and find profound peace when out doing it. I just go into a kind of connected flow state. I also enjoy street photography in urban environments too. It’s like a world of curiosity and discovery.

I’m so glad things are improving and, as you say, there is a better picture now than the one you could see at the beginning of this thread. Take good care and wishing you all the very best,

ER

[Sophie_M]

Hi Trans22, 

Thank you for your openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to hear from others who understand what you’re going through. We can hear how difficult it has been for you, we’re so sorry that’s been going on. 

It sounds like you’ve taken some really good steps in reaching out to find some new medical specialists, as frustrating as it can be sometimes we have to do research and have multiple appointments until we find the person we 'click' with. There’s some advice on the Beyond Blue website to help you prepare for this, and have a really productive convers... As you might have heard, it’s not possible to request or receive medical advice here on the forums, however it might be a really good chance to hear from others on their own experiences with mental health difficulties.

Many members or our community will be able to relate to a lot of what you’ve been going through and be able to share some of the wisdoms that have helped them. In the meantime, if at any point you want to talk through what you’re feeling, we’d highly recommend calling the Beyond Blue Support Line on 1300 22 4636. The counsellors there are super kind and supportive, they’re understanding and can be good to talk to right in the midst of the anxiety symptoms. You can also reach them via Online Chat. 

Thanks again for sharing. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M