Therapeutic surrender to treat anxiety

[gucia6]

Dear all,

Sorry if this is wrong place to ask, but today I came across term of 'therapeutic surrender' as a way to ... hmmm... live with/cope with/treat/accept (???) anxiety.

To be honest I don't quite understand what it means.

Lets say I am experiencing panic or anxiety attack, get dizzy and lightheaded, my chest hurts as if it was about to explode, I am nauseous, the small problem feels so overwhelming, that I just want to run away, drop it all, disappear, and I want to cry and it is chocking me, my mind goes blank, and all seems hopeless. Eventually I return to normal, I can think properly of reasons and solutions, make plan of action or think of ways of defense (especially if it is about confrontation with someone).

But then what do I do, when I am 'out of control'? How this 'surrender' should come in play in such situation?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi gucia6,

Thank you for your post and your question. This is something I'm very familiar with (well, the surrender part at least) so hopefully I can help -

When we get panic attacks, our natural instinct is to do something. Anything really - run, hide, freeze, fight. This is known as the flight/fight response. In surrender, we are trying to sit with all of those feelings, even though they are awful.

You know from experience that when you have these panic attacks, they do end. Your chest does stop hurting, you stop feeling nauseas, you don't feel like you're being chocked and you feel less hopeless. In surrender, it's accepting that - the sense of knowing that it will end and not having to run from it.

The other part of this (the 'therapeutic part') is to try and resist the urge to fix it all and make it better. Sometimes, it can genuinely help to think of solutions and make plans - but sometimes, it's only a very short term fix and doesn't help in the long run.

Hope this helps.

rt

[gucia6]

Hi RT,

thank you for your answer.

So does it mean, that the fact, that I know it will pass is a part of the 'surrendering' process?

Because I have experienced it so many times, I am well aware that they would pass, and that there is always solution, and some sort of positive outcome, and I am assessing my overall situation if the worst case scenario was to happen (like if losing job, we would still manage as we are), and I just need to wait when I am calm enough to think again. I will also not act on impulse while in the middle of the panic attack and I always think of the past bad situations that eventually turned out fine. But what I would like to be able to know is how could I reduce this mental and physical pain and feeling of hopelessness that is falling on me during the attack.

Also I am kind of 'skilled' in suppressing my emotions (roughly 25-30 years of experience), whether negative or positive, which may be part of the issue?

I will keep my anger inside and think of excuses/explanations why someone was offensive/not kind to me. I will not show disappointment or frustration. I will hold my panic and tears to the point of physical pain (especially in the office, so I don't appear weak or weird). I will also not say that I don't like something or have a different opinion in fear of judgement and critique, that could sometimes lead to confrontation, or being left, which I know would trigger another wave of panic and drowning in this hopeless inability to cope with the situation on the spot, which seems to me like it puts me in the position of a 'loser' especially against strong-minded 'opponent'.

But then I will also be reserved when I am really happy, thinking I shouldn't express it too much not to hurt others feelings or appear arrogant (e.g. when I win a medal on a sport competition or even when being prised for something I did good). But again this reservation could bring a different (mis)understanding, that I don't care or I take it as granted and it is not a big deal.

So would the 'surrender' mean to let those emotions just wash over me and let them pass?

Sorry for all this blabber, but I really feel quite lost in discovering myself and trying to figure out ways to cope with things.

Regards,

Gucia

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi gucia6,

Please don't worry about the blabber; I think that it's really good that you are here and being so proactive with your mental health!

Before I jump in to try and answer your question - can I ask where you heard about this technique?

For me I think knowing where it came from - like a Google search vs a suggestion from a therapist is going to help me reply and give you the best support than I can.

rt

[gucia6]

Hi RT,

I read about it in some blog, just something google 'spat' randomly based on my search, even though I did not really look for anything on this topic. There was also mentioning of a "tsunami method", another one I don't quite get 😜

As for my treatment, so far I spoke to GP, who gave me referral to psychologist, indicated depression with anxiety, and recommended trauma treatment after I am a bit better. I have appointment with psychologist in 2 weeks, but it does not mean, I just want to sit and wait, so I am pretty much looking for stuff I can safely start working on by myself, even though my searches might be a bit scattered at the moment.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Gucia,

That makes sense - thank you for clarifying that! I think you're doing a wonderful job in being so proactive with your mental health even not wanting to wait an extra two weeks!

I've never heard of the tsunami method so I will look that up too. My initial search ended up with actual tsunamis so it may take a while - I'm open to you sharing this resource if you want to.

I do see the "it will pass" as part of the surrendering process when you're having a panic attack. You said that you're aware that it will end, but are you able to kind of 'sit with that' when those feelings come on? This is the difference between "I want to disappear", "I want to run away" and "This is shitty but it will end soon".

I also have no doubt in my mind that being skilled at suppressing your emotions is contributing to it all in some way or another. I bet this is something your psychologist can really help you with- learning about where all these rules have come from, and seeing the link between that and your panic attacks.

It can probably also clarifying how surrendering is so different from suppressing, and how to do that in a way that feels helpful? Sometimes it's a sense of letting it be, almost like a meditation - letting all of your thoughts and feelings be there but not getting attached to them or stuck with them.

rt

[gucia6]

romantic_thi3f said:

I do see the "it will pass" as part of the surrendering process when you're having a panic attack. You said that you're aware that it will end, but are you able to kind of 'sit with that' when those feelings come on? This is the difference between "I want to disappear", "I want to run away" and "This is shitty but it will end soon".

Somehow I have a feeling that this could be it.

I think the thoughts "I want to run away" and "I am tired of it all" are coming from the lack of control over the problem to fix it immediately. I noticed it usually happens when suddenly too much have to be done (like I am flooded with emails and every and each of them are urgent) and I don't have time for it right away, or that I need to depend on other people to finish their part before I can do mine (but they don't and I am held responsible), or something unexpected and bad happens, or simply when I don't understand something, or when someone is angry at me.

So maybe this is what I need change. Instead of focusing on the problem and how it overwhelms me, and how I am unable to remove/solve/control it, rather 'accept' the feeling, take a deep breath and calm down, before trying sort it out.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi gucia6,

I'm really glad that my post resonated with you!

It's really good that you were able to identify the 'lack of control' that comes on. Knowing your triggers for panic attacks can really help to manage them- especially understanding them and catching them early. Even noticing anything out of your control (even if it hasn't brought up a panic attack) can be a cue to implement those acceptance strategies.

I imagine that your psychologist can help with this too.

rt