Hospital

[james1]

Hello all

So the gp made me go to hospital and ive been there for the last few days and finally out again.

Now that I'm out it feels like I'm left alone again to fend for myself. I liked the peace while there.

Did anyone else feel the same? I didn't really want to leave to be honest.

James

[Emmy.]

james1 said:

My emptiness has taken on a whole new meaning for me. If I wanted to be cheeky, I'd say that I used to say, "I feel empty," but now "I" doesn't exist, so: "Empty." is all.​

James I can relate to your words.

Glad I can't sleep as it meant I was able to find you other thread. How you doing tonight?

May I ask why your GP sent you to hospital (only ask if not too personal).

Can understand that being in the hospital would have been comforting as it feels safe there. A place to look after you and keep you away from harm. I know. But it's a good sign that they've allowed you to come home - please consider that. You can do this James! We are all barracking for you. We are you support team on the outside world. Reach out to us and let us help you.

Here if you want to talk tonight, tomorrow anytime.

Hugs. Emmy xx

[lookingforme]

Hey James,

I hope you get some sleep tonight. Maybe we can focus on being something another time, and focus on just being. No definition, no specificity, just there. Whatever it means.

Pivot ey? I may check it out.

I remember you wrote on the BPD thread about you looking at the stars again. And how you were reflecting on the broken image of the tree that I described. I fear Sydney may have the same problem as here, where there is so much light emanating from the city that the stars don't appear. But, I hope you can see some stars tonight, and know that everyone who cares for you on here or in your life, can see the same sky, think of the same stars, and you feel connected to people. When we pick ourselves up again, we never start big, it's overwhelming, we start small and with one thing (I do anyway), maybe that one thing is to feel connected to this world where we can feel so empty, connected to the people who fill it up, and by association, fill it up ourselves for other people. I do actually think of you whenever I look up at the sky now. I used to only ever think of one other person, who passed away years ago. So now, there is someone tangible, someone who tethers me to reality, when I look up. Maybe you can find something like that?

I don't know if any of that made sense, I can ramble.

[Guest_322]

Hi James,

Hey, it blows that you're going through all this confusion and immense pain. Maybe over time, you'll find your (or a) sense of self. A sense of you.

There's a lot that I don't understand when it comes to bad things happening to good people. But maybe this is all part of some sort of process.

I agree with the others that you bring something special here. There's something about you- not sure what it is exactly but you bring something very different to the forums (& I'm guessing your offline life too). Maybe it's part compassion, part insight, part intelligence & part something else. The thing is you generally "get it" when we upload posts. And a lot of the time, I think that's what most of us need- someone who "gets it."

Thank you for being here for so many of us. I hope you let us be here for you.

Dottie

[james1]

Hi all,

Thanks, I'm really feeling loved by everyone here. I just haven't posted, but I've been reading all of your comments.

I will try to keep this short and to the point of the thread. Just for the ease of others to read about hospital, I'll keep my other thoughts to my other thread called "I don't know what to say", I think in the Depression topic.

Anyway, about hospital:

I was sent there by the GP as a precaution because she was not confident I could keep myself safe, even though I was lucid.

When I got to hospital, I had a few nurses talk to me as well as a junior psychiatrist. They did an assessment to see if they could release me same day or keep me in for a while, and they decided it was best to have me stay "voluntarily" (or else! haha).

In the end, I stayed for two nights and during my stay, they didn't give me any medication except to help me sleep, but I had probably 5 hours of one-to-one discussions with a psychiatrist, as well as what I'd call a relationship counselling session with my mother.

So I think it was good all things considered, even if the food was shockingly little. Just the time out was really amazing and I'd never call myself bored, even though I wasn't doing anything.

I did get the sense that it was just a short term stint and there was always the dread of having to leave, but they did all they could to make sure I wouldn't be completely directionless upon discharge. If I was to ask for anything else, it'd be continued support from the particular individuals at the hospital, though I realise that's unrealistic as they work there.

Thanks again for all your support. Sorry I'm not writing to each of you specifically, but...

Starwolf, Sherie, Joelle, Emmy, Len and Dottie - Thank you!! 🙂

James

[Guest_322]

Hi James,

It's nice to hear from you. The transition from the hospital to the outside world must have been rough (understatement, I know).

Although I'm glad your stay gave you the head space to just "be." I think it was a much needed reprieve from whatever it is/was that's causing you distress.

Big hug from me to you as I'm not sure what else I can offer to make you feel a little better.

Keep holding on. It's tough...but just keep holding on. Maybe you'll make sense of whatever it is that you're going through in good time.

Dottie

[Emmy.]

James I'm glad that you feel loved because you are. How was the discussions with the psychiatrist? And the session with your Mum? Was your Mum supportive of what you're going through? I'm glad she came to the counselling.

You mentioned they only gave you medication to help sleep - thats good do you normally take medication on a daily basis (sorry I cannot remember).

Does the hospital offer an outpatient option so you could continue to see the psychiatrist. That's what I'm doing with my psychiatrist. Seeing him tomorrow for the second time, feeling nervous but like what he can teach me. He's so very smart and intuitive (not gets passed him if you try to tell him what you think he wants to hear haha).

Gosh so many questions. Sorry James only answer what you want hun.

Im glad that all in all you feel it was a good experience.

Thanks for sharing with us. Emmy x

[Guest_5218]

Hi James. Thanks for the explanation of what the hospital stay was all about. I am so sorry it got to that. I hope you can prevent that from happening again by drawing on the support that people here are able to give to you.

Sorry for somewhat flat post here James, but I guess I'm not feeling the best myself. But I did want you to know how much I have appreciated your support and presence around the site. And just wanted you to know that I am just another of those who appreciate you and want only the best for you.

Kind thoughts,

Sherie xx

[james1]

Hey Emmy,

I think it was really helpful to have the psychiatrist there. She acted as a mediator to basically tell mum what to do and what not to do. Will it change? Yeah, in the short term. But long term is another matter. And even in there, it felt like mum was being defensive and that got me agitated. So afterwards, one of the other psychiatrists pulled me aside and basically told me that I was angry (something I didn't realise) and to write an angry letter which they'd keep. So it was helpful, but there's too much history there for things to just change and she's still a trigger for me.

No, I don't take medication. That's actually why I went to the GP in the first place. My psychologist told me today that it was possibly because of safety reasons why they didn't give me anything in the hospital. Don't know and will be going back to the GP.

Thanks for the note about the outpatient. I'll have to remember that. They gave me an acute care team who are checking up on me daily, but it's not the same as having the same person from hospital.

I'm happy you're going to see yours as well. Really interesting what you said about telling people what they want to hear. I thought I was doing that, but I got pulled up twice for it so... yeah. I don't think I give them enough credit, haha.

James

[Emmy.]

Short term is good hun, hold onto hope that it may lead to long term changes. Is your mum willing to do another session? I'm glad you were able to write that letter and leave it with them. It must have been quite therapeutic.

let us know what your GP says regarding the medication. To you have an appointment scheduled?

James you're doing well, don't you forget that hun. (20 second hug). Emmy xx

[james1]

Hey Sherie thanks for your post.

It doesn't need to be much, but knowing you care enough to come and post while you're feeling rubbish too is so nice. I should stop writing now before people on the train start asking why I'm crying.

Thank you. I loved hearing from you again.

James