Hospital

[james1]

Hello all

So the gp made me go to hospital and ive been there for the last few days and finally out again.

Now that I'm out it feels like I'm left alone again to fend for myself. I liked the peace while there.

Did anyone else feel the same? I didn't really want to leave to be honest.

James

[Starwolf]

Hi James, welcome back to the outside world.

I understand how a stay in hospital may give a sense of enveloping security. So does the feeling of being taken care of...and pesky worldly matters being kept out of the cocoon.

It must have been decided that you are now well enough to be released into the real world. It is the bright side of it. But yeah...I get your disappointment and regrets.

The thing is James, this dysfunctional world needs people like you. Big hearts like yours are in demand and you have those much sought after qualities of understanding and compassion. Souls like yours are not meant to be shut away. Not for too long anyway.Time for those beautiful wings to unfold...

I hope this retreat has allowed you to recoup and replenish inner resources. I take it this gorgeous little scruff on your profile photo is your dog. He must have missed you.

And hey, you're not that alone...our thoughts are with you and thoughts are powerful. They are the beginning of everything. Everything that is done starts with a thought...

There is inner strength under the emotional rubble. Clearing/sorting debris takes time and hard work. I know from experience that chaos can be tamed into order. I am nothing special, though my life has been so, in a very negative way. If I could do it, you can succeed too and even do a better job of it than I did.

It is good to know that people like your are out and about.

[lookingforme]

Hi James,

I agree with Starfwolf, souls like yours are required in this world for it to be considered a good one. I know I haven't been around to show you support, though I did think of you often. I am here now. I wanted to make sure you knew that you aren't alone.

Did you want to talk about why you were sent to the hospital?

It's my turn to say this to you, I'm here for you.

Joelle

[Guest_5218]

Hi James,

I'm sorry that you were required to spend a few days in hospital. It can become a bit of a safe haven I suppose, and thats probably why you didnt want to leave.

I think its a little bit the same as when I finished my latest trauma therapy with the clinical psychologist. Like I'd suddenly been set adrift, alone again to fend for myself. In fact you commented on my thread regarding that, and I loved your response. I'd suggest you read back through that and apply the same advice to yourself.

Your post was yesterday I notice, and I am wondering how you are feeling today?

You arent really alone you know. You have lots of supporters here that you have gathered as you've circulated around the different threads, spreading your great compassion and sound advice. I havent seen you elsewhere on the threads today, so I would encourage you to not go it alone, reach out for the support you deserve.

An encouraging hug for you.

Sherie xx

[james1]

Hi Starwolf, Joelle and Sherie,

Thank you for the words of support. I didn't want to post before and had been considering just saying bye, but you've given me the encouragement to come back even just in a little way for now.

I've been quiet because since coming out of hospital I've been more confused. I didn't trust myself before and now even less. I just don't know what I'm feeling or anything really. My emptiness has taken on a whole new meaning for me. If I wanted to be cheeky, I'd say that I used to say, "I feel empty," but now "I" doesn't exist, so: "Empty." is all.​

[lookingforme]

Hi James. I understand. I wanted to say bye so many times, in the cage or some place the word would potentially get lost. I even looked into deactivating my account, but couldn't figure out how.

Unfortunately, not many people, even those who you seek professional help from, fully understand how much you mean by the lack of your own existence. I do understand. Hopefully the people on here can help you remember or feel your substance again, if not, anchor you some more.

[Starwolf]

So good to read your kind words...thank you. Your brave decision to stick around deserves a standing ovation. It is a wise one.

Transition always brings uncertainty and unease in its train. It can sometimes shake us to the core. Many of us here are familiar with this feeling of emptiness. Many dark stretches of my own life were spent feeling like a black hole in the human Universe. So I have an idea of where you're at right now. My heart goes out to you.

YOU still exist. As science reassures us, energy cannot be annihilated but it can go dormant from time to time. That's what I meant by feeling trapped under the emotional rubble. When this happens, a feeling of disconnection is the result. But this is not a permanent state. There's unsuspected fermentation at work under every stagnant surface.

During distressing times, it is not unusual for feelings to become numb, a self-protective mechanism that spares us from emotional overdose. But the heart keeps beating and the thinking process goes on. It is hard to trust yourself when you have lost track of that self...but I hope this natural process makes enough sense for you to trust it and let it unroll.

Meanwhile, please remember that this dormant self still needs quiet nurturing. At such times, trying to push yourself could only ad more stress to this equation. Being back in a little way is a wise decision. Well done for making it. You're a legend.

[lookingforme]

Hey James,

Not sure if you're peeping in and not saying anything, just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I have a hug, some chocolate and personally made nook, that has just the right amount of shade - it's also quiet, and a sound system with noise cancelling headphones if the silence gets unbearable. They all have your name on it. If you'd like, I can sit in silence with you, or we can draw stick figure cartoons that move. We could draw stick figure blockbuster movies.

Joelle

[james1]

I'm here, just sitting quietly trying to be umm yeah. Waiting for bed time.

Thanks for checking in 🙂 I used to mess around with a computer application called pivot which did stick figure animations.

[Airies]

james1,

glad to see you are around. It's worth the battle. It's takes guts to go to hospital.ive been there a number of times.Last time 4 months ago and if need be would and will go again and again and again.However I'm doing ok and hope before long you too are doing ok.

It and you are worth the battle,...

regards and hugs Len