Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I think you have things the wrong way around with your clinical psychologist, you appear to be blaming yourself becuse two years therapy has not worked and that is because you are not skillful enough.  This is not the case. If the psychologist is honest they would say it is their therapy that has not worked.

Suggesting a different psychologist might in fact not only be an admission of this but also a good thing. If you can be wiht a clinician who you feel is doing you good and you do not have to stress over trying to understand somthing htat is not right for you then  there is more hope.

I have found that it is the relationship between the person giving me therapy and myself that has been the most important factor, not the mode of treatment. It does not sound as if you had a good trusting effective relationship with this one.

Wiht oyur company the door is not closed, even if one of the two you saw was not trying to be accommodating. I wonder if you can look back at hte times when you have been working and can see some of the things you found most difficult and stressful and even how they could be avoided..

Avoiding these could be the start of a list of reasonable requests and support, at least some of which they may agree to.

Nature and a belief in God may not be who your would talk to like another person, but can be a great support nevertheless.

Croix

[P12]

Thanks for your feedback, Croix. Don't feel obligated to respond if you don't want to. I am writing for my own benefit and if someone feels like providing feedback that is a plus.

Yesterday I realised I might meet some of the criteria for bipolar disorder, as I have noticed I experience alternating periods of lows and highs, though I seem not to have as evident manic episodes as some people. I think psychological treatment is subjective. The process of becoming diagnosed and trying to receive treatment requires the individual know what is wrong, which in my experience doesn't exist. Therefore human life really is relatively meaningless. My next meeting with my psychologist in one month's time is the final one on my current Mental Health Care Plan. I would like to discuss who I should speak with afterwards.

[P12]

Here is an update on my recent thoughts, feelings, and actions.

• I feel I have mostly decided to return to my original clinical psychologist in the new year. I held eleven meetings with him between July 2019 and November 2022. Since then I have held twelve meetings with a different psychologist. She uses acceptance and commitment therapy. When I think really hard about it, I can almost see its theoretical basis and how it can help but, but I just haven't been able to trust it. I feel that a large portion of my life might pass before I make progress and my life is not infinitely long. I feel that overall he has a higher tiered perspective of the world to me. I hope it may help me achieve some goals which could make me happier.
• I gave my recent psychological assessment report to my employer several weeks ago to try to negotiate and agree changed work conditions and environments which I hope would make me feel safer. We have met twice and they have clarified some of the companies policies, which is helpful. The latest update is that they cannot give a certain date by when a formal response to my questions can be provided but suggest it could be March 2025.
• I am considering reducing my work hours to become a part-time employee. However, I think I will probably instead use my company's policy of allowing staff to take six weeks unpaid leave per year (plus four weeks paid leave). This year I took the first Monday of each month as leave, and I think it was one of the highlights of my year. Next year I think I will do it more often.
• I received a suggestion that an occupational therapist might be able to give me some assistance. I guess I am much higher functioning than most people who speak with occupational therapists, but I would like to ask whether one could help me in social or work environments.
• I have my next meeting with my social coach this week. Generally I feel I am seeking social connections but my talent is really poor. I am isolated from society and it doesn't feel good. I am hoping she might be able to give me some assistance. e.g. i) I organised a social activity last month but no-one expressed interest in attending. ii) She suggested I join a Facebook group of people with my disorder. I placed a comment asking if anyone was interested in studying together, but no-one replied. iii) I feel I am an outsider in the clubs I am a member, though I attend hundreds of activities and meet hundreds or thousands of people I just can't connect with them.
• My condition is apparently permanent. I am trying my fullest to solve all of the problems I have, but overall I think I am still on the upwards curve of difficulty. My attempts are like band-aids or heuristic solutions. They are not really sustainable, which makes me feel like life is meaningless and therefore I feel distressed.