Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[P12]

I continue to feel stressed, anxious, depressed, and lonely. I think that during the past two weeks I have been more stressed and depressed than anxious. My head feels dizzy because I have been either trying to overcome these feelings without success, or trying not to overcome the feelings but still not achieving my goals.

I was looking forward to doing a three day bushwalk next weekend but sadly the three people who expressed interest have withdrawn and I am not willing to do the walk on my own. I felt shocked to receive the news, especially because they have now joined a different walk that was announced after mine. I wish I knew why the people thought that way and why I am unpopular. I went to my local park and cried for a few minutes, but I had to leave before I could relieve my distress.

Otherwise I have received some support by praying to God. From what I can tell, the supernatural world is far more satisfying than the society I live in.

I have meetings scheduled with four different counsellors, psychologists, and coaches over the next month so I hope I will receive some guidance about how to achieve my goals. Most people tell me that it is unusual to visit several practitioners at once, and some practitioners refuse to speak to me because I have more than one, but I know not how to receive support otherwise. I tell practitioners that I am not visiting others during the moment that I am speaking with that practitioner, but I believe my mind thinks on a different level to the people who society has entrusted to help me.

I also enquired to one organisation about whether they could diagnose me with a mental disorder so that it might help me to become eligible for some initiatives or that I could give it to my employer, but they told me it would cost more than double the advertised cost and there would be a eight month wait. I read that the Ancient Greeks had a rule whereby disagreements were forgiven after seven years. I think this has basis in human psychology. As I have been trying for roughly that long to relieve my distress but it hasn't gone, I think there is simply something wrong with the system in which I must live. Obtaining a diagnosis could be a way of protesting against it.

[P12]

Two days ago I had a small win when I discovered that someone I have known for three years shares my interest in fracture mechanics. I think he is the only person I have met organically who shares my interest. It made me feel a little better.

[P12]

In two days time I will attend my next meeting with my Clinical Psychologist. It is our first meeting for three months.

I am going to try to express the major troubles I have at the moment, in the hope that she can give me some high level guidance. I don't fully know how to interpret my troubles, but I think that if I did I would feel better.

- Roughly one month ago I experienced a mental breakdown. It came from receiving two pieces of distressing news in short succession, after a build up of smaller pieces. I felt like my heart broke because despite the huge effort it puts in, it could not cope. I suppose it could have handled one but two was too much. My emotions were out of control. At the peak I cried while trying to sleep, slept for only three hours because my mind and body were overloaded, then cried when I woke. These feelings and symptoms remained for 1.5 weeks. I have had experiences like this once or twice a year for several years. I think they occur because my subconscious mind thinks much faster than my conscious mind, and prevails in making me realise that I am simply not achieving my goals and sadly there is little I can do about it.

- Since our previous meeting I have made an appointment to try to receive a formal diagnosis. I think that while theoretically it is not necessary because I suspect the paper will not tell me what I don't already know and do, practically I am hoping it will help me progress, especially by helping me accept myself, and serving as a milestone that I can be proud of.

- Also since our previous meeting I have held three meetings with two other practitioners, and I have two more planned in the two weeks after our meeting. One is a Psychologist with a slight speciality in my apparent disorder. One is a Social Coach. I have also held approximately five meetings with EAP counsellors since the beginning of the year. I have often been told that seeing a practitioners more regularly could help, but resisted it. Now I have tried to embrace it more.

- I feel lingering discontent. I experience both positive and negative events, but recently the effect of the negative events seems to be a bit disproportional

- I have decided to adopt more of a "so far as is reasonably practicable" strategy to my life in the past month. The principle says that if you do everything to the absolute fullest extent that you can, eventually you will be content because you have exhausted all options. Unfortunately because my brain 

- I continue to have difficulty understanding ACT. It seems to be fundamentally at odds with my beliefs about progress.

- I am feeling that I need to revisit my first Clinical Psychologist in some way, because his more direct approach has benefits that my current Clinical Psychologist does not, though I haven't determined how to do it practically, because my MHCP is addressed to my current Clinical Psychologist and the cost of seeing them privately would be high.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I can sympathise with your difficulties if you feel your current psychologist is not giving you what you  need. Under Medicare Mental Health Plan I believe you can return to your referring GP and ask to be referred to another psychologist wihtout losing any of your remaining plan visits.

I suggest you talk over the matter with your GP, after all you should get the most appropriate therapy.  If you have a particular therapist in mind it might be worth first seeing if you can afford the gap fee they charge.

My own experience is that I have to have a good relationship with any therapist and also understand what is wanted and in time see some sort of benefit. I have in fact (though not though the MMHPH) changed therapists with my doctor's approval when I found the existing one was actually not helping. I've felt much better wiht the new one.

A while ago Nurse Jen (a Beyond Blue staff member) addressed this very point, and while some conditions have changed I think this point still holds true:

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/treatments-health-professionals/mental-health-care-plan-changing...

I hope this helps

Croix