Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I have not read all your thread so do not know all you circumstances. I may have worded thngs poorly, if so I apologize. There is no way I would say physical pleasures are unimportant or should be avoided. They a a very normal healthy part of life.

I can't talk about the after-life, all I can go on is the question I have to ask myself, in 100 years who is going to care, so why do my best? I conclusion I came to is that we are given life, and life is a journey in itself -not some sort of waiting room -  and attempting to live it to one's standards is the most important thing whilst alive. That in no way precludes either physical or intellectual pleasures, both of which can indeed give joy, but does also include kindness, reliability and honesty.

I'm not sure if I've answered that question, I hope so. I do not think it is in any way contrary to your beliefs, just talks about when one is alive.

I do not know how one makes friends, and I'd expect after 20 pages in this thread you will have been given all sorts of answer's. Mine have come about though circumstances and luck. I was trying to say one can have a very good relationship wiht someone that at fist sight does not seem appropriate.

It is easy for computer dating sites to 'match' people due to their stated wishes and beliefs, and that may be restricting matters too much. For example my wife has religious faith , I do not. However she is an adult human being wiht as many brains as me -if not more- and I accept the matter. It applies all though different tihngs, but does not harm the relationship, we are still in love after umpteen years.

We accept we are different.

I was trying to say that if you have built up imaginary people in your mind then they are created by you alone. In real life people may not be what you anticipated and that may lead lead to disappointment or the reverse, pleased supprise.

Croix

[P12]

Two weeks ago I obtained a psychological assessment from which the outcome was that I was formally diagnosed with a neurological condition. I will receive a written report in several weeks.

I reflect that, at least, it is large step towards answering the question I posed almost three years ago when I started this thread, at most, it has finally answered my question.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I'm delighted you have finally gained a definitive diagnosis that explains the circumstances. I found having a label helped, as it let me know some of my actions and tohughts were not 'mine', but common symptoms. It also gve clinicians the correct approach.

It says a lot about your determination htat you did not meekly except the first opinion handed out but kept on digging until at leat part (and probably all) of the truth was uncovered.

I hope you feel more confident and able to direct treatment now

Croix

[P12]

It has been one of the longest breaks between my posts on this thread.

Generally I feel that my recent diagnosis has helped me to understand some of my situation, though I am still waiting to receive the report. I feel like I am now in a purgatory state, not progressing forward or backward, and in a different phase of my life to where I was a few years ago and when I started this thread. I have strong faith that my values are worthy and are what I can be proud of, but in practice it is different. I am still confused about psychological treatment. Some say that self acceptance will help me, though I apparently don't know how to do it because I struggle to understand the concept. I feel a better connection with cognitive behaviour theory, but I still cannot overcome the problem that it can't control how others act towards me.

I attend as many social events as I can trying to form a connection with the people I meet. Some are more productive than others. Generally I can find a few positives, but not strong enough to form a substantial connection with someone.

I had a minor breakdown during the week. I went to a local park at night after work and cried. I think it was caused by built up emotions.

[P12]

I feel that I have a sore head. I think it is called burnout, a situation when one can't think clearly because their brain is simply tired and overloaded. I guess it is caused by a combination of my work and extracurricular experiences. When I reflect on it, I realise that I had a similar experience just one month ago, and other occasions somewhat regularly in the past few years.

The most effective method I have learnt to manage these feelings is to simply spend time alone, away from other people. The trouble I have is that I do this as much as I can, but I still feel fatigued. It also seems to contradict one of my goals of forming a connection with another person. I guess society is simply faulty. I wish I knew how to live my life more sustainably than I am. I guess my life will be distressing for another couple of decades, but I am looking forward to the time when it is less distressing.

Two days ago I tried to explain my understanding of acceptance during a presentation I gave. I am not sure I conveyed my message effectively. I think acceptance is a mindset similar to exclusion. It is derided by society as not being in society's benefit. The idea being that individuals who achieve acceptance end up excluded from society. Is this the objective of the concept?

[P12]

Today I thought about "acceptance" again. Apparently it is about being true to yourself regardless of the feedback one receives from society. Apparently this is a highly admired goal of humanity. It seems to result in living life independently, without other people. As independence is one of my goals I guess acceptance is too. One problem I encounter with this concept is that in my experience much psychological distress is caused by other people. Psychological treatment methods seem to try to involve educating individuals about virtues that have been proven successful by other humans. This is the principle of the scientific method. Another problem I encounter is that acceptance appears to be contradictory to progress towards one's goals. If someone accepted who they are, they would apparently not have any goals.

[P12]

Today I realised I am experiencing depression.

I think I have been experiencing this particular episode since roughly June. I have taken three months to realise. I noticed this is typical of how I am apparently very slow at identifying emotions. However, I believe it can be traced further back. Firstly to my most recent significant psychological breakdown at the end of March and start of April. That caused a major upsurge in my stress and hormones. So it makes sense that I am now experiencing delayed side effects of them. I can also trace it back to traumatic events I experienced in 2021, 2020, 2019, 2016, 2014, and others. These also caused substantial psychological effects. I really have not forgiven them.

I think I realised it due to two symptoms. A) I have been waking in the middle of the night. My brain is overloaded and active despite trying to sleep. Then when I wake there is a lingering burning sensation in my head. Some might say that this is a symptom of stress, which I at first attributed it, but I believe with closer consideration it is depression. B) I have been quieter at work. Some might say this is due to the puzzling work environment of which I am in, which I have also attributed, but I believe when I have been at peak performance in the past I have been able to overcome this.

Honestly I know not what to do which has a proven effect at overcoming my state. Cognitive and behavioural psychotherapy appears to suggest the solution is both to dispute and change my thinking through more cognitive effort and to perform more activities. Though I am not sure that will work because I feel that I am doing both of these close to the limit of what I can sustain.

I also don't know whether professional advice will help because I have been obtaining advice since 2016. I have also tried to obtain multiple practitioners, but I have encountered problems with this because different practitioners give different advice.

I understand depression is only one of the psychological distress states that I experience. Apparently my disorder antecedes depression, anxiety, stress, exhaustion, loneliness, and other distresses. Apparently it will be with me my whole life.

[P12]

Today I had a thought that I would like to try to understand if there is any meaning behind one of the practicalities of psychological treatment.

In my view, an individual starts receiving psychological treatment by self-referral. Often this is obvious, i.e., the individual notices they are distressed and despite their efforts they are unable to overcome it and ask for help. In some occasions the self-referral could be less willing, such as when the person receives suggestions or demands from others in society, but even in these cases I think the individual needs to consent to it in at least some form.

Initially the individual pay for treatment themself. Sometimes this is obvious, i.e., the individual pays in cash, and sometimes it not obvious, i.e., they receive support without financial cost but with other costs. Apparently Australia is essentially a free market.

After a few years if the individual is still distressed they will be diagnosed with a disorder. The idea seems to be that their state is long term or permanent. Then they are apparently entitled to greater funding from the government. However, the supports seem to be largely the same as what was being received previously.

1. Does this mean that the free market paradigm is in fact incorrect?

2. What is the next phase of psychological treatment?

[Croix]

Dear P12~

It is more involved that just a free market situation. Medicare has a set of standard fees that it pays for specific medical services, and those practitioners that only charge standard fees (bulk billing) leaves the client without cost - in many circumstances. PBS medications are also subsidized. My GP bulk-bills so I only pay for some some matters.

If a practitioner charges mere than the standard fee then the client has to pay the difference (the gap). As an example one visit to a psychologist even whilst under a Medicare Mental Health Plan can be several hundred dollars, putting it out of reach of many.

There are annual 'safety nets' for medical expenses (with conditions) to prevent excessive spending on clinicians and also medications. As I have a concession card and use a lot of meds I normally hit the pharmaceutical safety net well before mid-year and then  get most meds either free or at a small charge.

Public hospitals may not charge, however for everything except emergencies the wait time may be extremely long and many only offer the minimum of psychiatric treatment.

You are right in saying many people self-refer and have control over their treatment however some are deemed by authorities to be incapable of looking after themselves, or are a danger to themselves or others. In those cases treatment is not voluntary.

Fees and wait times can be eased if one is rich enough to belong to a health insurance fund, which is expensive.

All the above are gross simplifications, the best one can say is it is complex.

With your other questions about the 'next phase' of psychological treatment. I guess it depends on the nature of the illness. Improvements are there, I now have a medication regimen that was not available in the past and this has brought my PTSD, depression and anxiety down to very manageable levels.

Similarly new therapies are being brought on line.

Sadly despite all of the above for some people decent medical treatment is simply not available due to cost, distance or other factors.

Croix

[P12]

Here is what I have been feeling and thinking about recently.

My most recent meeting with my clinical psychologist appeared to conclude with them saying that I would be better suited to a different practitioner. I guess I cam still trying to make sense of it. Initially I think I feel disappointed to think that apparently I haven't been skilled enough in the past two years to understand the principles of the treatment method and therefore it has been a waste of time.

My most recent meeting with my social coach was similar. They appear to use a method comparable to counselling, i.e., trying to allow me to follow my natural talent. Unfortunately I am not talented in interacting with other people, so progress is so slow that my life may be over before I make any progress of which I am proud. 

I gave my employer a copy of my recent psychological assessment which says I have a recognised disorder and need support. I met two people from my employer to try to understand how to ask for reasonable adjustments. I am trying to make sense of the meeting. One of the attendees appeared to say that the company would support me with reasonable requests. The other attendee appeared to say that no request would be reasonable and that it would be better if I left the company so they do not need to accommodate me. 

I continue to feel stressed and disappointed. I wake in the middle of the night unable to sleep, then I have a sore head when I wake the next morning. My head feels sore throughout the day. I continue to try to follow my interests and hope that I might find a way to overcome the obstacles of society, but I feel I am largely still an outsider and excluded by society. My friends are nature and God. They are not people I can talk with in the normal sense.