Counselling and Group Sessions

[David Nobody]

Hi,

I am attending “group sessions” for depression as an outpatient. And have done so as an inpatient.

I’d like to ask what people’s opinions are about there being “no wrong answers” in a group session.

To me this is very strange... Of course there are wrong answers. Just like there are wrong things said here in response other people’s questions. I’m not saying it happens often, or that it happens intentionally. I would just like to feel that my opinion matters enough to be treated truthfully. I don’t mind being wrong. I mind not knowing if what I have said, or think, is wrong.

David

[David Nobody]

Continued...

Same as being a BA. I was good, but after my “Autistic Breakdown” I have felt no inclination to look for a new job.

I have thought about being a “stand up depressedian”... in the vein of Ricky Jervais... observant ridicule of society... but not in front of people...

David.

[white knight]

Hi David,

Yes, I get you on all in your last post and am parallel on the poetry front.

I must say that although I've have good success with helping those being victims of crime one lady - it didn't work, actually backfired. Her 19yo son suicided (middle one of three sons) after his GF broke off with him and went to another young man.

Hence I found my limits with that avenue of assisting others. The fine line that some think you are playing the role of a psychiatrist when all I was doing was trying to show them there is a life beyond the grief.

Enough of that and the poetry.

I'm more interested in your "calling". If you used a hobby as your work you wouldn't work a day in your life. That philosophy is an ideal, likely only for the rich but still worth thinking about as a semi goal. I have a suspicious mind with some people, add that to my semi law enforcement/prisons experience and you would understand why private investigations suited me and I excelled at it. Stress stopped my career at 57yo. So be it...I don't cry over spilt milk as you know. I move on but mentally still dwell over such events, people I've upset over the years and relatives I've disowned as they are toxic and rotten for my helath...no regrets but certainly worthy of thoughts years later as the more I think about them the better my clarity I did the best thing for me.

Back to your calling. Can you tell me what jobs, careers, education etc you have got/had. What inspires you, what gets you excited when it happens? What do you like- country living? camping? animals?, being alone? any relationships? No obligation here, just no need to reply to any of those questions, just might give me some more insight than what I have.

TonyWK

[David Nobody]

The other side of the coin... if your work is the same as your hobby, the hobby becomes a chore.

I know one person who quit his training as a sound engineer, because it made his guitar playing seem like it was work instead of an enjoyment.

Another who makes tin can guitars for pleasure, become extremely stressed when people suggested that he should sell them.

Like I did when people suggested I should publish my poetry. It became a stress inducer instead of a stress reliever.

I used to like cars, driving, racing, restoring, ... I don’t now

I used to like making models... 40 years ago

I used to like creating solutions as a BA... I don’t now

I have no current hobbies. No goals. No wants.

Animals and Relationships are out, as they always end.

Camping is so 20 years ago. I’m to soft now.

I’m in the “country” now, exactly the same as the “city” with less phone/internet coverage.

I have a 1 failure policy. Try anything, but the first time there is a “fail”, don’t try again.

Sad I know.

D

[white knight]

Hi David

"Sad I know"?

So, you acknowledge that your views on just about anything is not common nor does you any good?

Do you also acknowledge that the greatest impact to your mental health, in a positive way, is from your own self followed by good psychiatric care?

See, I dont think anyone can work with you when you consistently put up walls then throw the counter arguement back. I understand this is how you think and I dont take such actions at all personally, but it gets to a point when I believe I'm exhausted of all suggestions.

Take your comment "The other side of the coin... if your work is the same as your hobby, the hobby becomes a chore"

The many times I've used that saying on this forum, on each occasion the poster has embraced the concept at least theoretically, taken the concept that work is much easier if it is receiving renumeration from your passion. Many of us unwell souls find it hard to stay in a job 8 hours a day with reparticious duties or among the same personalities. So to plant a seed of hope that they could look for work in the field of their passion is a good suggestion.

Yet, you counter it. Then you use a few examples to support your arguement. We can all do that. I had several passions- building creative desined cubbies for my nephews and neices. Someone said I should sell them so one xmas in 1994 I did. 14 cubbies in all different colours filled our backyard ready for delivery on xmas eve.

Now, I didnt sell anymore until the following xmas. Do you measure that a successful business? You might not. But I do because we were unemployed and the profit we earned was enough to install a gas heater, paint for the weatherboards and fill our pantry with food.

So because you and I think fundamentally opposite who thinks the better way? Your "so sad" remark tells me you know the answer. So, when are you going to counter your own counter arguements? Such action to be capable of sifting the negative counter arguements from the constructive ones is within you, it doesnt -not exist.

It could be your greatest challenge. People give up on counter barriers because everything they suggest is habitually rejected.

And thats normal.

It would be great if you just acknowledged that. The admission that counter arguements has no constructive advantage. It neutralises all discussion.

A person of negative thoughts that turns such processes to positive ones, never looks back...it is the only way to live in peace.

Dont you think so?

TonyWK

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi David

I noted you havent replied. I'm more than aware my last post was challenging and would have come across rather abrasive.

Since your short time here on this forum, you displayed a talent to post your poetry and even posted on other threads where members needed comfort. That is a great quality so I'd like it if we can move on from my last post and continue on where we were

I dont like being challenged either. Even if someones intent is a good one, we feel we cannot reach expectations.

Hope to see you here soon

TonyWK

[David Nobody]

Hi Tony,

not everything is about you 😉

Just a hard week last week. I had to retreat into my avoidance “pro forma” to remain “sane”.

Visiting my parents, who haven’t yet read my trip down memory lane...

50th birthday party confronting friends from high school, who were there when my story turned into a horror of monolithic proportions, but haven’t yet read it.

70th birthday party with “convention outliers” who didn’t know my story of failure, but were awkwardly supportive.

The death of a friend who I looked up to.

————— To your questions...

yes I acknowledge that I am my own worst enemy, and I need to change my negativity into positive thoughts and actions to climb out of my funk. To draw on my trusty poetic tripe...

When?

Can’t forget, just regret
When I'm happy I‘m sad
Won’t admit, stupid git
When I’m lonely I’m glad

Never try, always wry
When I’m joking I’m not
Stupid man, yes I am
When I’m nothing I’m what?

And yes I do realise that I am much to much “high maintenance”. This is why everyone leaves in the end. I don’t do it purposely, but a dearth of answers to the “what do you want to do?” questions asked of me always gets the job done for me.

Hobby/Chore is a moot question anyway as I don’t have any hobbies. I used to relish my job, it was good, and I was good at it. My desire to succeed ended. I didn’t (and don’t) care anymore.

I am (reasonably) adept at “saving others”... just not myself.

I’m good at wallowing in self pity, so “do what you’re good at” statements often backfire.

David.

[white knight]

Hi David,

Thanks for replying.

Can I ask what line of work you have done that you liked so much?

We all get tough times, sometimes they come in threes, sometimes more.

Cheers Tony.

[David Nobody]

Hi Tony,

I was a Senior Business Analyst, working in the airline/defence/immigration area.

I got to draw pretty diagrams, ask “clients” what they wanted and then tell them what they really wanted, author help/training documents, test every conceivable scenario, find many errors for the minions to fix, and convince the client that they aren’t really errors, just undocumented features.

Mostly while generally 24hours away from home.

David.

[white knight]

Hi David,

mmm, that's a fairly challenging position with quite some expertise. Interesting.

Have you ever had a hobby? I ask this because we aren't all hobby people, aren't all sports people or other interests but it is the "yardstick" by which we gauge people having distractions. Most people, when I prod, do have a past interest at least.

I think you know where I'm coming from David, in that we, you and I are here chatting and we have made a little progress, you and I are still talking, that is enough progress in my book and while I don't expect miracles I would like to have the goal of more progress in areas that would advance you to some form of life satisfaction.

Naturally, I need your input.

But, I think you might not realise that I have some parts of my life parallel to yours. I ran my own p.investigation business for 18 years, had worked in the prison system, council ranger jobs, RAAF, railways and security. In all however, I had 90 jobs and 15 professions....all due to a manic mentality of bipolar, depression anxiety and dysthymia. Ok, it is diverse but we are on the wrong side of middle age. We know we should get our mental act together because deep down we know life can be better if we do, but when you are at the "end" what hope is there? Well for me there is a lot of hope, 2 family members of mine suicided and I attempted as did my sister.

You must have had a tipping point when all this (I wont call it negativity as that is inaccurate)... trauma began. Eg for me it was having to leave the family home and my two young daughters following 11 years of abuse- 1996. I wear the "survivor" medal with pride, I survived "her" and her silly mind games.

Alas I'm talking about myself when I want to talk about you, your life in some detail that you dont mind divulging only if you desire. I do find you interesting...maybe mysterious is a better word as, even through years of peer advising here, life membership etc, I haven't conversed with anyone like you.

TonyWK

[David Nobody]

Hi Tony,

”I haven't conversed with anyone like you.” - this I get often (relatively speaking)

“I do find you interesting...maybe mysterious” - this not so much

hobbies... not so much.

I used to make models (airfix etc...) and “Fisher Technique” creations. Like “Meccano” only plastic. But that ended when childhood ended.

Cars have always interested me, but growing up in the “if it isn’t a necessity, don’t spend money on it” world ended that fascination. That and my father selling the “FJ” we restored together didn’t help. I am still a lifetime member of a car club, but don’t attend any functions, as that would require a “navigator”.

My motorbike was a delight for a while, but that too was killed by a single negative experience.

Stamp collecting, coin collecting both ended before adulthood. Although I still have several boxes full in my garage. Including my grandfather’s collection.

Selling car magazines on eBay. But after a few thousand sales, and netting less than Aus Post the enjoyment wained. I still have 1000s, also in my garage.

My “hobbies” most recently were making sure everyone in my limited “family” were happy.

I played Squash, Volleyball and Indoor Cricket... with varying degrees of success. But they aren’t “real” sports, so were discontinued.

I have had 7 paying jobs... ever...

1. Mechanic’s assistant/Oil delivery person (uni holiday job)

2. Odd job labourer on a Trout Fishing camp (uni holiday job)

3. Brickie’s labourer (uni holiday job)

4. Programmer for a Bank (quit for a better job)

5. Developer for a consulting firm (redundant just before company folded)

6. Business Analyst for a consulting firm - Aus defence (redundant after lost contracts)

7. Senior BA previously mentioned (quit after “Autistic Blowout”)

last 4 were for 5-8 years each with a year looking for a new job after 5 & 6.

... that and the lifetime unpaid job of engineering assistant dogs body in my father’s “shed”.

I have very little “reason” for being like this. I haven’t ever had to struggle financially, was never physically abused (at home), haven’t lost any family members like you, was always “cared for”.

Working overseas, away from everyone, is as bad as it gets. Pathetic really. I had to restrain myself from getting into an altercation with a 90 year old man just because he climbed over me in a plane because I wouldn’t stand up before the plane stopped. That was the “straw”. It had been building for a while.

always happy to type about me. “I’m a self-pitying sociopath with autism”

David