Coping with coming off strong medication

[Guest_3712]

Hi all,

Its been a long time since I posted here but I've never forgotten the support I received during some very difficult times. Without going into a lot of details I have had major depression and anxiety for a number of years. Several admissions to psych hospitals, countless medication addictions and ongoing therapy and still I'm not "well".

I have tried to live a 'normal' life these last couple of years, as possible as that is while still heavily medicated, I've had a job ( retrenched before Christmas) , seen my daughter marry and the birth of my first grandchild- all good for sure.

But the price for this normality is that to function I have to take a lot of medication. But no more. I decided a week ago I cant live in this twilight world any longer and stopped one of my meds that left me so zoned out I could only take it at night or if I knew I wasn't go anywhere. not to mention the 30 plus kgs I've put on.

I have a supportive psych who I see regularly and while he wasn't happy I stopped without talking to him first he understands my need to try and gain back some control of my life.

Dear Readers I know I'm doing the right thing, but I have been on these meds for so long I'm scared I wont be able to hang in there. Its not my first time coming off strong medication but before I was in hospital and it was still very hard. I can feel some of the old anxieties creeping back and that dark cloak of depression I have managed to kept above my head, is beginning to slip further over my shoulders.

If anyone has gone through similar experience I would appreciate any support or advice.

Stressless

[geoff]

hello Stressless, I'm sorry I got it wrong and thanks for correcting me, and it is terrific to make contact with you once again.
I do hope that you stay on the forums but that decision is only one you can make. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Ess Elle,

Ok, it's been a bit over 2 weeks since you last posted here ... how are things with the meds and how are you feeling and how have you been feeling over this last little period?

Neil

[Guest_3712]

Hey Neil,

Ok so it is almost a month since I stopped the anti psychotics, ( still on AD's) and physically I'm doing better than I thought I would be considering I stopped very quickly. Not too many withdrawals, except for sleep is a lot harder to come by.

I guess what I really wanted to run by you was my reasons for taking this route. I didn't make this decision lightly , I have always had a bad relationship with meds as you may remember. I have a very addictive nature which isn't good as far as meds go.

I just feel I have made a lot of progress over the years , but my dependence on this drug seemed to be holding me back. It enabled me to just zone out and not face things if I chose and I chose a lot!. Too hard, too sad, too anything and I took a pill or two or three.

So of course now I don't have this safety net I have to face my issues that have got me to this point in my life cold turkey and I am struggling big time. I have the same psych I had when we used to talk and he fully supported my decision to stop this med , however he also believes I have come to a point where in order to move forward I need to confide in my husband and kids about my previous life -no pressure from him but I think he feels this is where we are.

As I send in my earlier posts its not that I don't think they will get it and support me but I feel I am burdening them with un-necessary horrible info that maybe they are better being ignorant about. I mean lets face it once this stuff is in your head it can never be erased.

As you can see I am very conflicted about which way to go - any advice would be greatly appreciated

Take Care

Ess Elle

[Neil_1]

Hi there Ess Elle,

Wow, it has been some time since we posted to one another … water under the bridge and all those clichés … but when it all boils down, we’re still just punching along each day. Or in another way, we’re perhaps getting punched, but we still have to keep getting back up. At times, as much as you really wanna lay down, getting back up is just what we do.

I don’t know if this will help, but with my journey, I’ve typed almost, nigh on, everything that has ever happened to me, down. Happenings, thoughts, a whole stack of stuff. Made it into a manuscript … but you may have remembered that from years ago.

What I’m getting at here is, what about doing something like that … though, yes it does take a while, but you can just do it at your own pace and there’s no major rush for deadlines. Then when (or if) you feel ok to do so, you could get the fam to read it. I did this, though with my partner, she knew probably 85% of my own story.

I mean, I really did want my own one to be out there and published, but just found the cost to be way more than I thought it ever would be.

But this is just a thought …

OR another thought, on similar lines would be to dot point certain things and then sit and talk them out to your family? But by doing it that way, you can, if you wish, leave out some of the more harsher things.

Though Ess Elle, when you say you’re struggling big time, is this because you’re now off those certain kinds of meds and it’s the result of this, as to why things are really bad? Just something to think about, if this is the case, I guess.

Neil

[Guest_3712]

Hi Neil

thanks for replying . Yes it has been ages and for the most part life has been much kinder to me. Love being a grandma except they live interstate so visits are hard

i do remember you talking about your writing which is something I do as well. My whole journey through injury jobless breakdown drugs hospital and depression I diarised to try and keep me sane - not sure it worked .ha

Trouble is I have tried to turn this into a manuscript so many times I basically have it written except for the ending ( funny that) - I did courses in creative writing, getting ready to publish , but ....

every now and then I have another go but I get a few chapters in reading it and I get so depressed and anxious that I actually lived that life . OMG things were so bad -

i know the positive is I lived through this time but it is so hard to relive it which is one reason I don't know if I can share with family

as to the meds, they wiped me out so much and made it do easy to just zone out - mainly because as usual I abused them but it was an easy option

i just don't know if I will make things worse - my husband has been through a lot with me these last 10 years- maybe I leave well enough alone - I am such a coward but for so long my survival mode told me to keep quiet and not make waves

I don't know if it's too late to change.

so unsure

take care

Stressless

[HolisticPsychiatry]

This is inspiring Bonnie thanks for sharing your story of being fully recovered after coming off meds. I know this can be done and have seen it many times. Go you for listening to your inner guidance.

[HolisticPsychiatry]

Hey Dr Kim I appreciate what your saying to Stressless given the serious nature of depression and coming off medications. I get that we must edge on the side of caution but as a mental health advocate who has done a lot of reading on this topic there really is no evidence in the scientific literature for the long term effectiveness of psychiatric medication. I trust as a Dr you are aware of the work of Dr Peter Gotzsche (Cochraine Collaboration) and Dr Kelly Brogan (Holistic Woman's Health Psychiatrist) and their books? Maybe a little more optimism might be helpful! What if we could empower people to know they do have the capacity to truly heal, and that drug based treatments are not the only legitmate approach. Many people are finding success tapering off medications and adopting lifestyle medicine interventions (like healthy eating, exercise, therapy etc). Depression is not a SSRI deficiency. We've bought into this model that its a chemical imbalance that causes mental health issues but that is actually a theory not a scientific fact. Another theory is the inflammatory model. I really encourage you to read those authors if you haven't already.

[Ken1]

Hi again Stressless,

In reference to you and Neil1 talking about writing, I too have been for years working on writing a manuscript based on my life experiences - these experiences continue to develop making the book longer but that's all part of the journey!

I have rewritten my manuscript several times now and with each new battle I overcome, I am able to write better and from a fresher perspective.

What I'm saying is that I think writing is a wonderful outlet and I'm please to see other people utilising it but you may find that you won't be able to get it right until you reach a certain point in your understanding of life.

This doesn't mean not to work on it! It's a beautiful gift.

Also @HolisticPsychiatry - thank you so much! There's unfortunately few success stories when it comes to medication but I don't believe that should be a reason to limit people's chances for coming off it.

[Chris_B]

Hi HolisticPsychiatry, thanks for your post.

Dr Kim's time on our forums is very limited, so she prioritises her time in responding to those who are currently experiencing personal issues with anxiety, depression and related life issues rather than getting into debates.

If you have a look through Dr Kim's many responses on the forums, you'll see that attending to lifestyle factors (exercising, eating well, good daily routines, sleep) are always her first port of call in providing advice to our members, whether they are on medication or not.

As the only qualified medical professional here on our forums, with over 20 years experience in treating patients as a GP and a counsellor, she's uniquely placed to offer her thoughts on medication (in combination with therapy and lifestyle factors) when the topic arises.

[Just Sara]

Morning HP;

Well, I'm one of those rare success stories you mention. So my opinions re medication management as a recovery tool is very different to yours I'm afraid.

A long time ago, my rheumatologist discussed his views with me about my refusal to take medications he'd referred due to me reading about them in the MIMS database. He asked me if my quality of life was less important than my fear of the 'what if's' associated with these drugs. At that stage I was nearly bed ridden and unable to even toilet myself.

He convinced me to trial them. Within a few days I got my life back. I'm still on those medications because I get to live a quality life without pain and physical impairment; I'm one of the lucky one's as many can't tolerate them and search aimlessly for something to put them out of their misery.

So, my recovery from a major breakdown has taken a similar road. Without medication to immediately address symptoms that wreaked havoc on my life, I don't think I'd be alive. Back then I used these along with an SRI with pinpoint accuracy just to be able to understand simple concepts and look after myself. But this was after months of trying to do it on my own...the most scariest times in my whole life.

These days, they sit in my med's cupboard and handbag in case of emergency. The SRI is a daily routine and will be for the rest of my life. I've been damaged beyond comprehension by overheating my engine; it doesn't work the same anymore. I've accepted this, maybe others would benefit from this too.

Research and development in science is as it's always been, fraught with competitiveness for that elusive medal. Do I care what anyone thinks about my opinion...Hell no! I have my brain back and that's all that counts.

Cheers...

Sara