Coping with coming off strong medication

[Guest_3712]

Hi all,

Its been a long time since I posted here but I've never forgotten the support I received during some very difficult times. Without going into a lot of details I have had major depression and anxiety for a number of years. Several admissions to psych hospitals, countless medication addictions and ongoing therapy and still I'm not "well".

I have tried to live a 'normal' life these last couple of years, as possible as that is while still heavily medicated, I've had a job ( retrenched before Christmas) , seen my daughter marry and the birth of my first grandchild- all good for sure.

But the price for this normality is that to function I have to take a lot of medication. But no more. I decided a week ago I cant live in this twilight world any longer and stopped one of my meds that left me so zoned out I could only take it at night or if I knew I wasn't go anywhere. not to mention the 30 plus kgs I've put on.

I have a supportive psych who I see regularly and while he wasn't happy I stopped without talking to him first he understands my need to try and gain back some control of my life.

Dear Readers I know I'm doing the right thing, but I have been on these meds for so long I'm scared I wont be able to hang in there. Its not my first time coming off strong medication but before I was in hospital and it was still very hard. I can feel some of the old anxieties creeping back and that dark cloak of depression I have managed to kept above my head, is beginning to slip further over my shoulders.

If anyone has gone through similar experience I would appreciate any support or advice.

Stressless

[blondguy]

Hi Stressless

Interesting post and great replies too including Dr Kim's

I understand and respect your reasons for wishing to cease your meds and I wish you the best whether stopping or reducing medication

My background is similar to yours but reversed.

From 1983 to 1996 I suffered badly thinking I could self heal from anxiety & depression. A waste of time (for me)

I ate well always been physically fit & postive etc and looked after myself. It didnt make any difference so in 1996 I started taking meds and its been 21 years now. With super regular therapy combined I had my life back

• Quality of life vastly improved
• My personal relationships improved
• My career performance improved

Other people's situations do vary of course. I just want to enlighten people that meds can be a great help especially combined with frequent counseling

The quote below is from #StigmaFighter/Active Minds for other people (not yourself) that think they dont need medication when having this awful illness.

"Depression is a Serious Illness Just like Diabetes or Heart Disease

Expecting positive thinking to cure depression is like expecting a person with diabetes to lower their blood sugar level by thinking happy thoughts"

Great to have you on the forums Stressless 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Rachel_01]

Hi Stressless,

I have experienced exactly what you are going through. I was on strong medications for several years and decided it was time to go off them. It was a crazy rollercoaster ride. I was told to not 'cold turkey' the medication as I will spiral down, therefore slowly coming off the medication, this means halving the mls, grams etc. When I first started I immediately wanted to fall right back thinking how could I ever come off them? I had breakdowns crying almost every minute and getting very aggressive. Eventually with time and support I managed coming off them. That was a year ago. I am so proud of myself that I achieved this as I never thought I could do this. Through the process I worked more on myself. I did a lot of mindfullness activities, exercise especially and regularly going to the psych. Basically I tried 'natural' therapies that supplemented my medications for depression and anxiety. I understand exactly what your going through, it isn't something you choose. Your brain is a strong muscle therefore coming off medications will take time and lots of support. You have done an amazing thing reaching out to beyondblue, I did many times! Keep going, I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Pain is temporary. All the best sending my thoughts with you.
Rachel

[Guest_3712]

Hi Dr Kim,

Part 2

Sorry for disjointed post but I ran out of time and space.

Just to clarify a couple of points I am still taking my anti - depressants ( for now) but have stopped the anxiety / anti psychotic meds.

These meds served their purpose for a time but as I said in part 1 I abused them - if one made me feel ok then 2 or 3 must be better , was my thinking. I know I need better coping skills but when things are so out of control taking a pill or two was easier and less confronting.

These type of meds change who u are - I have not been sober for over 10 years! I don't even know who I am any more. What I do know is a lot of the time I am not a nice person particularly to my husband who always bears the brunt of my issues.

As I tried to explain to my psych , so many areas of my life are out of control I feel I need to gain back some of that control and watching what I put into my system is something I can do.

My current heightened anxiety I believe is because I am waiting for all the terrible side effects I've read about to come crashing down on me and send me back to hospital- obviously something I want to avoid.

So far I'm doing ok- better than I thought and like other posters have mentioned keeping busy, walking my dog on the beach, and keeping in touch with family and friends is a way to take my mind off it.

I appreciate your advice comes from a medical viewpoint and I welcome that, I guess I'm trying to explain that I believe for many reasons I have to make this work - I am trying to claw back some of my old life and persona , good or bad I need to know if I can function without chemicals in my body-

I hope you can appreciate where I'm coming from

Please keep in touch as I truly need all kinds of support

Take Care

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Hi blondguy,

Thanks so much for your reply - I loved that quote and very true too. I totally agree that meds have their place if used correctly and they work for you. I have no doubt I needed my meds over the last 10 years I was in a terrible state and didn't even realize I had depression, at first until I had a total nervous collapse and had my first admission.

I suffered anxiety and frequent panic attacks during the next few years ,which is where the other meds came in. My problem is that now I have recovered somewhat, I need other ways of dealing with my anxiety rather than popping pills like Tic Tacs

I am so grateful for all your kind words and glad things are working out for you

Wish me luck and keep in touch if you like

Take Care

Stressless

As I explained to Dr Kim in part 2 of my post,

[Guest_3712]

Hi Rachel_01,

You have given me great hope reading your story and I only hope I can be as strong as you.

I do have regular support from my psych, thank God, practice mindfulness- the beach is my haven and keep as busy as I can. Looking for work again which at my age is hard, but I have done it before so trying not to get too down.

Thanks again, please keep in touch if you want I value your support and kind wishes

Take Care

Stressless

[blondguy]

Hi Stressless

You have a big heart and thankyou for taking the time and effort to respond to everyone 🙂

I understand you have been through a really dark phase and I cant imagine what you have been through.

You are very strong as well as having your own circumstances to contend with as well

I was just providing my experience with mental illness. Sometimes the more information the better I guess

I would be rapt if you could stick around the forums as I am continually learning about other people's experience with this debilitating illness too

Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue Family Stressless

Good to meet you

Paul

[geoff]

hi Stressless, firstly well done for being dry for 10 years, a great achievement indeed which seems to have been overlooked, never the less what does concern me is that if you are able to keep well by not taking any medication or instead by using 'natural therapies' then that's great, but what this means is that you are almost at the end of your depression, because there is no way anybody can convince me that by not taking any medication if you are deeply depressed you will be OK, simply because your mind is not stable enough to even think clearly, stop those bad periods where all you want to do is go to bed and sleep.
If however you are able to prevent any of these by not taking any medication, then you have almost beaten this disease and coming out to see the light.
If you feel that you are being over medicated and hardly know what you are doing then you need another opinion to have this medication revised by another doctor.
My last point is that if you don't want to take any medication and feel great, then two things, as I said before you're almost cured or you are pretending.
If you want to do things without any medication and try and learn how this can be done, does this mean that everything is going to happen as if you don't have any problems, but what happens when there is a problem, remember depression is so much stronger than what you call a normal mind.
You can come off the medication if your doctor says you can, however there have been many people who stop taking their AD's on their own accord, but sometime later they need to go back onto them because they have fallen back into depression.
I'm not meaning to scare you but face the facts. Geoff.

[Guest_3712]

Hi Geoff,

As always your posts are insightful and supportive. You may not remember me but I was an avid follower of yours a few years back along with Neil.

You always made sense Geoff, and I know your opinions come through your owexperiences which is why I value your input.

Just to clarify though,I have not been dry for 10 years, what I said is I have NOT been sober for 10 years i.e copious different meds.

I don't believe I will ever be cured from my depression as aside from the event 10 years ago that triggered my breakdown , through years of therapy I have learnt that this was only a trigger linked to past incidents and if it didn't happen then it would have happened eventually- so therapy will be with me for a log time I'm sure.

I know my AD's keep me balanced and able to function fairly well, and I am not stopping them in the immediate future. What I have stopped is the anti psychotics which made me foggy at best and comatose at worst- my fault I know for abusing them a lot of the time

But what I am trying to get everyone to understand is these pills have given me an easy out for not confronting my demons. Feeling anxious? pop a pill or two. Can't handle a little stress ? take another. Too many worries?? and on and on .

Please understand what I'm trying to do . I'm no being a hero or think I'm superwoman , in fact the opposite is true which is why I am in this mess.

I am starting to feel chastised, and stupid for trying to live without this med ( not you personally) and wonder if I should have just kept quiet.

it was still good to touch base with you again Geoff

Take care

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Hi Blondguy,

Again appreciate your support, but I'm not sure if I will continue on forums.

As I said to Geoff in last post, I'm feeling a little misunderstood and reprimanded although I know the comments come from a well meaning place and in most cases personal experience, which I so appreciate you sharing - maybe my insecurities are showing?

For so long now I have had to make excuses why I couldn't go places, or do things like everyone else because I knew I would eventually have to take my meds- and then either drop off mid conversation or be so zoned out everyone thought I was stoned.

As Geoff suggested I have changed meds many times , too many to recall , and this was actually the best combo. Again I accept this problem is of my making- not the meds - me.

I cannot be trusted around certain types of meds. I have had to be detoxed several times for addiction- I accept this is my fault but for me now I think the only way to stop this cycle is to remove the temptation.

Is that so hard to understand?

Take care

Stressless

[startingnew]

youve done the right thing by asking for help and advice and there is nothing wrong with asking for abit of support.

feel free to keep speaking out, addictions are very real things and not something that can be cured overnight this too takes time

still her for you Stressless 🙂