Worried about my ex partner

[holdinglove]

My partner for the last 8 years and I have recently separated we share two kids.  I am worried about his mental health and not sure what to do. He's triggered easily and responds with self-hate. I struggled to hear him saying " I hate myself " in front of the kids. He goes to see a psychologist but I'm not sure it helps. 

What can I do? I am worried he'll do something stupid .

[jaz28]

Hi holdinglove,

I am sorry this has been happening, it must be hard on your family and a weight on your shoulders. Have you tried talking to him/are you on speaking terms? Sometimes all one might need is someone to reach out and talk with them, if not you - is there someone in his family you can ask to speak with him?

It is good he sees a psychologist, you should encourage that, if not for him, for your children. If you need immediate assistance, contact 000 and report that he might be at risk of hurting himself, or give lifeline a ring to see what you should do - 13 11 14. 

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx

[Bob_22]

Hi holdinglove,

I'm sorry to hear that your partner has been struggling. It is kind of you that you have come here to ask for advice and it is great that he is seeing a psychologist. But please make sure to take care of your mental health also. I don't have much experience supporting a partner with mental health or self esteem issues but there is more info on the BB website here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anx... . I think the most important thing is staying up to date with how he is going and asking him how his appointments with his psychologist are going. This should help him feel supported and also keep you in the loop with how sessions are going. Hope this helps

Bob

[HelloGail]

Men tend to keep things to themselves they have their pride, it sounds you still care for him. Is it possible you could do things together as a family regularly even though you're separated? I did years ago with my ex, the three of us would eat out every now and then plus it helped our daughter as we had 50/50 shared care. Just being a butterfly like, let him know your still there as a friend.

[sbella02]

Holdinglove,

Thank you so much for sharing something so personal with us, we really appreciate you reaching out and welcome you to the forums. I can see that others have offered some brilliant advice, and I'm here to extend this.

It's a difficult situation that you find yourself in. You have split up with your partner, with whom you share two children, and you're still concerned for his mental health as well as the effect that this may be having on your children. I can understand your dilemma, and I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with this.

I think there are a few main things to consider here. If you haven't already, you may find it useful to have a discussion with your ex-partner about their mental health, if they'd be willing to open up to you about it. Express your concerns with him verbalising certain negative or distressing thoughts around the children, and explain why it may be harmful.

I would also remember your own boundaries in this situation, as you can support him as a friend but no longer as a partner. Do what feels comfortable and natural for you, and don't feel pressured to provide more support than you are physically and mentally able to. 

Is there somebody else close to you who you would be able to confide in or seek support from? It's important to also have a strong support system yourself, as this situation sounds like it may be causing you distress.

Remember to take care of yourself during this time, too. Your mental health and wellbeing is also important.

All my best, SB