Very Lost

[tired1973]

Hi I am a single father of two with full custody and very little or no family depending on how you view it. I met my partner 9 months ago. I fell in love with her not her disorder and sometimes it is really hard to differentiate. I love her but I am tired and I feel like I am now a father to 3 but I care for her immensely. Some days are ok and others quite frightening. she does not have family either and at the very least will have my support indefinitely whether we are together or not. The part I am struggling with is what parts of her are her and what parts are the bipolar. I am scared for her and do not want my children to feel loss again if I can help it. I have already seen the mania and depression but I am getting confused as I do not have anyone to gauge my response's off or her behaviour. She is a person with feelings and wants and needs and deserves the very best in life. I want that for her and to give her the very best of me so she can be free to live without being isolated and marked as dangerous

[Matches]

Hi, tired1973,

Firstly, good on you for being there for her and your kids, it’s still difficult socially for men to take on the fulltime role of carer.

I’m not sure if you’re currently together or separated, you say your single but caring for 3, I assume you meant you’re in a de-facto relationship with 2 children from a previous relationship. However, it definitely sounds like you need a good rest, I know the struggle of not having any support. Perhaps you could make friends with some of the families at school and arrange away time for the children with someone you trust.

I don’t know how frightening people with Bipolar should be, in my experience with bipolar, most of us are a danger to ourselves. Quite a lot of the time people don’t get adequately diagnosed, or don’t admit their full diagnosis to others due to the stigma (something to consider).

The children must come first, please look into age-appropriate support for them, such as a school counsellor or headspace. I think it’s important to teach the children that this is an illness, and people may need to go away, for everyone’s safety. The important thing is to keep the conversation age appropriate, and never criticise condemn or complain about your partner in front of them.

Please stay in touch on this forum. Using the same forum thread ‘Very Lost’ is a great way to get the best support for this difficult situation.

Matches.