Supporting my mental health - BF has mental health issues

[SMER]

We've been together for about 2 years.
I knew when we started dating he has some anxiety and depression issues.

The last few months have been tough.
We don't live together.
I haven't seen or spoken to him since March.
Communicate a lot via text and messenger only.

Yesterday he spur of the moment booked a week holiday in the US.
On his own. Just wants to travel with no contact for the week.

I've flat out asked him if he wants to take a break.
If he would rather make this casual.
If he wants help.
No, no, no.

Today I feel very confused.
I don't want to upset him, I know he's been struggling physically and mentally for a while.
And he needs a break, he hasn't taken a holiday for as long as I've known him.

I want him to have a good time,
But I just feel so incredibly sad, so thinking I will do as he's requested.
Am I overreacting?
Is this 'normal' behaviour for someone feeling better after mental health issues?

I hope I'm not being rude or insensitive....just trying to get some perspective really.

[jess334]

Hi SMER

I don't think there is 'normal' behaviour for people with mental health issues. Everyone reacts to depression differently. Some people might not want to leave their bed, others crave comfort, and some people think they can run away from it.

A week isn't such a long time, but not seeing each other for 2 months is a bit ridiculous if you live in the same city.

Maybe you should take some time to figure out if this is what you want from a relationship. There are lots and lots of people who have depression and still manage to have satisfying and healthy relationships. You do not need to stay with someone who makes you unhappy just because he has mental health issues. If he isn't willing to see you or speak to you every time his depression gets difficult (because it will continue to go up and down through the rest of his life) then you need to consider what that will mean for your future.

I hope you can get some answers soon. Have you considered talking to a counsellor yourself? It might help get some perspective or new ideas.

[SMER]

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

I'm not sure if I was clear on my message.
But i wasn't looking for judgement on my relationship, and if something is ridiculous.

I was looking for some perspective on the behaviour of our loved ones post anxiety/depression episode.

I am very much aware of what I should and shouldn't tolerate, and where I can access help.
And I can also deep sad and confused by nor understanding.

Whether my BF and I work out or not, I want to be clear with my actions and communication.

But thanks.

[jess334]

Hi SMER

I am so sorry that my response came across as judgemental. It was not my intention and I hope you can accept my apology.

I was trying to agree that I dont think you are being unreasonable by being upset or sad about his behaviour.

I'm glad that you are aware of how to access help to support your own mental health while helping your partner.

Kind thoughts, Jess