My dad has depression and takes it out on my mum

[Hollzy]

I’m 16 and My dad has struggled with depression for about 8 months, but over the past few months it’s gotten really bad. He has distanced himself from my mum and when she tries to help he yells and swears at her. She can’t leave him because she wants to try and help him but she keeps saying she doesn’t know how much more she can take. The doctors recently prescribed him some stronger anti-depressants but it made him sick so he has stopped taking them all together. Sometimes, actually quite often I will be in my room and I can hear them screaming at each other, he tells her she is an embarrassment and is a sh** wife. But the thing is he drinks a lot, his doctors have told him the medication won’t work with the amount of alcohol he drinks but he can’t and won’t stop drinking, which makes everything worse. My biggest concern is my mum, she is so beautiful and does everything for us, I know she wants to leave him but she still loves him and wants to take of him and doesn’t want to tare a family apart. This afternoon I walked into the kitchen and she was just standing there crying, I want to help both of them but I don’t know how to. Dad doesn’t like going and seeing people because he thinks it’s a waste of time. I also have a younger sister and I don’t know how she’s coping. Often he lies in bed and sleeps or he’s on the bed drinking and watching rugby, he never helps around the house and when mum asks for help he tells her to do it herself or gives an excuse. I don’t know what to do anymore

[Alexlisa]

Hello Hollzy,

Welcome to the forums. I’m glad that you decided to reach out here because it sounds like you’re having a really tough time. I can hear how stressful this situation is for you and, I’m sure, your whole family. I really feel for you all.

Firstly I’m worried about you. Unfortunately there might not be a lot you can do at the moment to help your parents get through this. I’m sure that they both know that you love them and that you want what’s best for them. I know it’s hard, but they’ll need to work out how to deal with this together. I think that it’s most important at the moment that you and your sister have some support to get through this hard time.

Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk about what’s happening? I wonder if you’d be willing to see your school counsellor or a psychologist. They’ll be able to give you support by you just being able to talk about your worries, and also give you some skills that you can practice to cope with the feelings that are coming up. If you go to your GP you can ask for a Mental Health Care Plan so that you can see a psychologist 10 times per year for free. If that feels too hard at the moment, is there another adult you feel comfortable with that you could talk to, like a teacher or other relative? I don’t want you to be alone in this.

There are also some services online that you can get in touch with. The best is probably Kids Helpline, which is for people up to the age of 25. They have a 24 hour phone line on 1800 55 1800 and also 24 hour online chat through their website. I think it would be a great idea to speak to them because they would have a lot of resources for your type of family situation. You mentioned your sister, maybe you could suggest it to her too?

It sounds like your mum also needs some support. Would you ask her if she’d think about talking to someone? It must be very hard to see her struggling and so upset. You’re being very brave through this, but I don’t want you to take on too much responsibility. You can mention to your mum that she can also get a Mental Health Care Plan, or else she can contact 1800RESPECT (they have a website) because they’ll be able to tell her about a whole range of services that might be able to help her.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this. Please take care of yourself and keep reaching out for help when you need it. You’re being really strong, but I want you to have someone you can lean on too.

Take care,

Alexlisa