Trying to help my partner

[Bugleboy]

Hi everyone

Need some advise on how to help my partner with the black dog.

Struggling with what to say,do and act finding it very hard

[Quercus]

Hi Bugleboy and welcome to thw forums,

If you haven't already you may want to have a look at the carer section on the BB website...

www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

This answers a lot of questions and suggests ways to manage.

Most importantly you care and are supportive so your partner is lucky. Maybe sitting down to have a chat about how you're feeling and in particular how they feel they wil support group.

I hope you feel able to keep writing.

Nat

[Quercus]

Arrrgh try again.

Maybe sitting down to have a chat about how you're feeling and in particular how they feel you can best support them?

Sorry about my tired brain there.

[Bugleboy]

Hi Quercus

We have sat down and talk and i was told my opinion and or feelings don't matter at the moment which hurts like hell

[Quercus]

Hi Bugleboy and thanks for returning and letting us all know how you're travelling.

Well black dog or not that was an ass of a thing for your partner to say to you.

Is that how they treat you often? If so I would really be wondering if you have thought about your limits? How much are you willing to take before it is too much for you to want to try cope with?

How is your own mental health? Obviously right now you feel crap but generally do you feel like you are managing within yourself or burning out as a carer and spouse?

Personally (as someone with major depression) I would expect my husband to call me out if I said hurtful things like that. There is a difference between having a mental illness and using it as an excuse to be cruel.

Would it be helpful to set boundaries. For example to say I am here for you because I love and care for you however I am not your punching bag so please don't think you have the right to speak to me like that. What do you think? Or would that just cause more conflict?

Please take care of yourself too ok?

Nat