Suicidal son

[Desperate_Mom]

Hey, my 25 year old son who's been talking about having nothing to live for for about two months, just told me he got drunk and tried suiciding.

He said he left his body and was pulled back by negative, selfish entities like me.

How am I meant to respond to that???

Do I call the mental health line where they respond by taking him to a mental facility?

He's been there twice before for pychosis. He refuses to engage in medication or therapy. Both times he's come out guarded and angry.

Does anyone know a better way?

[Sophie_M]

Dear Desperate Mom,

We are so sorry to hear about your experience with your son. It sounds incredibly distressing for both yourself and him. It is incredibly difficult when the person who needs help does not want it. It must leave you feeling quite helpless. 

We have a few articles on 'supporting someone' which may be of help: 

• https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone

It might also be a good idea to talk this through with a professional counsellor from helplines such as Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) or Lifeline (13 11 14). Both organisations also have a section of their website dedicated to 'worried about someone' which may be of use to you:

• https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/resources/worried-about-someone/
• https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/i-m-worried-about-someone/

If at any point you believe your son is an immediate danger to himself or you, this is an emergency and you should contact 000 (triple zero).

We hope that posting on here brings you some comfort and that the responses from the community are helpful. 

[blondguy]

Hello Desperate Mom

I understand your pain as my sister also has mentioned the same to me and I have no response.

There is no quick reply to this type of statement except for ongoing support. Sophie M mentioned "It is incredibly difficult when the person who needs help does not want it"...This spot on!

Your own well being is paramount.... If you wish to elaborate on what you are going through you are always welcome as there are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Desperate Mum~

I'm glad you have met Sophie_M who gives good advice and links. I'd like to add

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/worried-about-someone-suicidal/self-care-for-the-supporter

Inside Sophie's pages, however I'm emphasizing these due to a couple of things.

The resentment that your son feels, part to you, part to the mental health facilities and part to other things and people. This places an awful lot of strain on you, and anyone else with you. The weight of this hurt, helplessness and fear can be overwhelming and you need your own support system, be it medical or friendship, or preferably both.

The Suicide Call Back Service and Lifeline are there for you just as much as for your son. Please take advantage of them. I was in a similar situation with a family member, though there was no resentment or alcohol at the time, and used both these resources, it did help.

You may not have a great deal of choice in what you do, calling emergency services if there is a real danger of harm to your son or others, and the Mental Heath hotline if his behavior leads you to believe he will repeat his attempt to take his life or is unable to look after himself -irrespective of the resentment this might build up..

With this can I suggest you do not make my mistake and leave it up to them, as far as I can see they get the patient's version of events, and your constant input could make a substantial difference and encourage them to look for the root cause, be it psychosis or other.

Discouraging alcohol is a given, it significantly increases the chances of a person trying to take their life.

I'm afraid that no matter how hard a person tries, not matter how much they love, keeping someone alive has to be a team effort (I know this is hard at the moment) with the people around the person, such as yourself, a medical team and a small spark from the person themselves. It is not just your burden.

Perhaps your son's resentment to you might be lessened if you can get him to see your own vulnerability - frankly I'm guessing based on my own experience.Then again I was very fortunate to be able to use humor as a means of lessening the 's pain, they responded to it from things we had in the past - maybe you have something there?

If you ever can, and have your son's cooperation, a Saftey Plan can bring you both closer, there is a good one here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

Please come again

Croix