struggling with special needs children

[Matchy69]

Does anyone else have children with special needs.I am struggling with mine.My youngest cant use a toilet when their at the age they should be.I am getting tired of changing them,does that make me a bad parent?The constant hyperepisodes are taking their strain especially that i am going through other personal stuff in my life

[Hanna3]

Hi Mark,

I hope the meeting went well.  Yes school is expensive - uniforms, laptops - I have a friend who is a high school teacher and it's hard when some of the parents just can't afford it all.  She did have a very smart boy have to come to her and explain his parents couldn't afford a laptop for him - I think she found help somehow to get one - she said how terrible for a bright student not to have access to what is now basic equipment.

Re my car headlight covers - they told me that they used to be glass (I wonder if yours are?) but later models are plastic and if the car is in sunlight much they become damaged and fogged like mine are - I have no idea how they fix it, they said they need the car most of the day - I have tried things myself like vinegar and a scrubbing cloth but they fog over again.  I will just have to get them replaced.

High school will be a big change for your son but you are giving him wondderful support.

[Matchy69]

Hi Hanna the meeting went well and went for 2 hours.The guy was the deputy for special needs as the lady in charge is over in Rome on a holiday.We discussed his needs for next year and his behaviours and things that trigger him.He will be in a special needs class for maths,English,history and civic.He will be in the main school for the other subjects which is what I am concerned about and breaks where he is mixed with all the other students.They say it's a no bullying school but it does go on big time according to my daughter when she was there.The bloke we saw who wasn't at the school when my daughter was there new all about my daughter and her selective mutism.

I did find my daughter a job at the zoo but I don't think she will apply for it.

My car does have glass headlights being older.Seem to make everything out of plastic these days even though they are trying to cut down on plastics.

I had a bit of a storm last night here with lots of thunder and lighting but not much rain.

I have been up since 5am this morning preparing a birthday lunch for one of the twins.Unfortunately her sister can't make it as she has to work.

Enjoy your weekend.

Take care,

Mark.

[Hanna3]

Hi Mark

I can understand your concern about your son having classes in the main school not special needs.  Kids can be absolutely vile.  I remember how cruel they could be to anyone slightly different!  I think girls are worse than boys at this - girls form cliques and then enjoy excluding someone - there are usually one or two ringleaders and the rest are hangers-on and do anything to stay popular with the leaders - and there is always one poor girl who get bullied and shut out.  I think boys are a bit easeir.  Are there any activities your son could share with them without feeling stressed or anxious?  Do they have a school counsellor he could go to if he did have any difficulty?  

I'm wondering if there is any way you can prepare him for any of the kinds of bullying or mean behaviour he might come across and techniques to deal with it?  

I'm sorry I have no direct experience expect my own childhood, and again that was cliques of girls who can get very nasty - girls network in a different way to boys.  So I'm thinking out loud here what I might do in your position.  

Yes everything is made cheaper now - so now I pay a lot of money to fix the plastic headlight covers!!!

I'll come by later and see if you have any thoughts about your son?

[Matchy69]

Hi Hanna yes their is things in place for bullying and have spoken to ok the school counselor as well.I was  bullied to and know what's it is like.He has another transition day Tuesday and another one the last week of schooI.I  had a lovely lunch with my daughter and grandkids.

I hope you have a good evening.

Take care,

Mark.

[Hanna3]

Hi Mark,

I replied again to you yesterday but it hasn't come through.  I had a chat yesterday with my neighbour - her daughter has two special needs children.  She agreed about girls being worse than boys at bullying!  She wondered - and her husband agreed - if your son could learn something like taikwondo - this gives him a skill and it gives him the respect of other boys around him.  

I was telling her about a time I did a group tour around New Zealand when I was a young thing - I shared a room with a young woman who had joined the air force - that was a time when it was very unusual for a woman to do that.  She made herself learn to play snooker very, very well.  When the men saw that she was a superb player at this, they gave her respect.  This was actually very, very smart of her!  

So are there any skills or things that your boy can do or learn that would help get respect from the other boys - or things that they would like that he is able to share with them?  Any hobbies?

I don't know if this is any use, but my neighbour and her husband are very nice people and they understood your problem.  She said she would also be concerned about the main school - her grandkids go to a special needs school for everything, but they are in Sydney, not the regions.  It's easier in the city!

[Hanna3]

BTW Mark - I just watched a video on schools in Finland - I heard how good they are - the facilities were amazing!  They even had a room for the kids to relax in with easy chairs and a gaming station!  

[Matchy69]

Hi Hanna I do hear that a lot that girls get bullied more but it still happens with boys especially with special needs.The special needs school is so far away and I can't afford to move into the city.We will see how it goes as they have a fair few special needs students at that school and programmes fir them.We are still working on his core strength and coordination which is poor.He struggles to be able to write and the OT is working with him on this.They have OT that come into the high school and work with the special needs students.

I can imagine the schools in countries like Finland being very advanced a lot better then the schools we have here

[Hanna3]

Hi Mark no I wasn't suggesting you move to the city, just that it's a pity schools in the regions don't have the same resources.  Your boy has some challenges and i'm glad he is getting support for them.  I guess you just have to see how he goes - kids are like birds I reckon, they tend to attack anything a bit different!  

I have to run errands today but thankfully we have a cooler breeze.  I am walking along the beach each evening to try to get fitter - too much sitting down is bad - I have found walking without Sam walking with me not much fun, but walking along the beach is lovely, especially early evening when it's cooling down and all the crowds have gone.  I like peace and quiet - I'm very introvert and I don't like big groups of people or noise - so just the sound of the waves breaking on the shore is perfect for me!

[Hanna3]

Just testing Mark, my comments aren't getting though

[Hanna3]

Hi Mark not sure if this will come through and I don't know why my replies haven't got through... your son has challenges but he has a good Dad in you and hopefully some good teachers/help at the new school when he starts.  I wasn't suggesting you move to the city, just thought it a pity that regional schools don't get the facilities of the city schools.

Sorry I am so late replying.  Not sure if this will go through so keeping it short Mark!