one big mental health mess

[keej21]

Hi guys,

Im new to all this speaking out and talking about feelings etc, but I guess im just looking for someone who is in the same if not similar situation. I am from the UK im the only one from my family over here, so as u can imagine im all alone despite maybe having a few friends but not my go to ones.

I have always been a worrier and developed anxiety and depression in 2017 after my nan died, I was one of her main careers and she passed on my way to the airport for England. This hit me hard and this is when i started showing mental health issues. Anyway fast forward to today......my partner also has mental health issues and has been hospitalised previously, she has been diagnosed with BPD as well as depression and anxiety. Doctors now think she could be autistic. This doesn't bother me as we are both in the healthcare industry and she has a son who has ADHD and autism traits. life is very hectic and due to covid it hasn't been pleasant. I'm struggling to support my partner to meet her needs aswell as trying to keep it together myself. Her meltdowns are very extreme and can become violent to the point where I'm scared to even say anything or do anything that's going to start it off, she also becomes verbally nasty which sets my mental health off. I'm really at a lost end and feel like I cant talk to anyone.

I'm also concerned about my mental health deteriorating and I also think that there's more to my mental health as to just anxiety and depression.

Anyone else in a similar situation with a partner who has BPD with relationship struggles?

How do you do it?

[Sophie_M]

Hi keej21,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are grateful that you have reached out here today as we know it can be tough to do this for the first time. We are sorry to hear that your partner is having these meltdowns. We can understand that this would be difficult to manage - it sounds like you are coping with a lot at the moment and we think you are so strong. Please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar experiences, hopefully a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of wisdom.

You might be interested in the Beyond Blue webpage on "Supporting someone" -https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone

If you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. This includes a 24/7 telephone Support Service which can offer you support, advice, and referrals for seeking further support with your mental health.

If your partner is abusive during meltdowns or otherwise, we would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit  https://www.1800respect.org.au/

Please feel free to keep us updated on your journey here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Keej21~

Welcome to the Forum, I'm gland Sophie_M was able to greet you and give you those links. You are in a difficult position, partly due to your own condition, which require medical support, particularly after your nan died and partly due to your partner's extreme behavior.

Grief, depression and anxiety is a potent mix. As is being isolated. May I ask if you are under treatment, and possibly therapy or counseling? If you are not then now would be the ideal time to start, be diagnosed and see where you go from there. My depression bouts and constant anxiety never improved, in fact got worse, until I had the correct support.

With your partner it is hard, not only because you are walking on eggshells a lot of the time, but also by making allowances, bearing her mental condition in mind. Only natural but not helpful in the long run.

For her to melt down is bad for her, a learned and destructive coping mechanism. It is bad for you, as you bear the brunt of it, and it is a bad example for your child, who may very well be extremely upset to see mum in such a state, or adopt the tactic himself.

So I guess two things. Her medical treatment needs to be re-visited, taking into account her extreme behavior. I wonder if you are able to persuade her to go to her medical team and discuss this -with your input?

The other thing is just as hard, and that is to have barriers, no-go areas so that when her behavior passes a certain limit you simply refuse to take it, not by arguing, but by saying "I do not wish to be treated this way" and then walking away.

Difficult to achieve, as she will not doubt follow or try to continue however if you can maintain a calm presence then over time it should help. Just jumping in the car and taking off I suspect would not help.

I know waht you said but you have anyone in the way of a friend you might lean on a little? Even if only to vent it all out and not expect anything other than a concerned listener. Even that can help.

I think that is enough ideas for one post, please come back and say what you think.

Croix