Partner gone off medication, become distant and doesn't love me

[RJE2806]

My girlfriend of 2 years (living together for 1.5 yrs) has depression and aniexty (i think she may have bpd aswell not diagnosed) she stopped taking her medication just out of no where, this is when she started saying she didnt love me anymore and wanted space, i wasn't sure what to think we were so close and planning a future together.

She has gone off her medication before and had the same reaction and the struggles to control her emotions, to the point where she has left a note and been threatening suicide on a few occasions. I have involded her sisters before never her parents as they are both alcoholics and she doent want to be around them especially when she is the way she is. She's told me not to contact her family at all otherwise she'll "end it" not sure if she means suicide or us. I dont want eother of those to happen, but if she needs to be on her own then id rather end our relationship.

I have suggested seeing her go or going to therapy because she doesnt want medication as she says she feels numb, but that always turns into her thinking im calling her crazy. I'm so confused what to do i am really struggling. I am reluctant to contzct her sisters about it again.

This time is the longest it has gone on, it started around march whcih was around the same time that her house that she owned with her ex had finally settled and she had bought him out. She's bought a bed to stay there as she wanted space. I wasn't okay on the inside but told her i supported her if she wanted space shes now buying a lounge and TV. She has distanced herself from me more and more. She still has all her stuff here and spends time here but shes being here less and less. Not replying to calls or messages and making excuses when she finally does respond. Shes always on her phone messaging which also makes me paranoid about cheating on me. My friend also found her on a matchmaking app. Which i confronted her about and she denied it even though i had been shown it to her.

I want to support her as i love her but shes just turned on me out of the blue. I don't know what to do anymore I'm at at the point where its breaking me and i dont know what to do or who to talk to.

[Croix]

Dear RJE2806~

Welcome here to the Forum. I’m afraid you are in a very difficult situation, after all you don’t really know if going off medication has made her distance herself, or it was something that was going to happen anyway. To complicate matters suddenly stopping medication without proper supervision can lead to unexpected effects.

There are mixed messages, when she went off meds before the same sort of thing happened, it’s just this time she has the resources to really separate.

Has she mentioned suicide this time?

I know when I’ve been depressed, I’ve needed to be alone, as my brain could not really cope with dealing with another person as it was already full of depressive thoughts. Similarly, a high anxiety state left me uncapable of dealing with others too.

However, neither left me in a state to deal with real-estate matters, buy furniture, or go on a dating sites. I was so wound up in my own feelings I simply could not. Having said that I’m sure people react to these in different ways, and it is possible your girlfriend reacts otherwise.

I do think you are on the right path, irrespective of anything else, in encouraging her to seek medical help.

This is a most stressful time for you and I’m wondering what sort of support you have. Not only the semi-separation but the thought that suicidal thoughts might return will be an immense worry.

I would suggest you call on your GP in a long consultation and explain what has been happening and the reaction it has had on you. At least that way you will have a doctor looking out for your wellbeing. At the same time, you might be given some insight into how your girlfriend is behaving.

Are you going through this alone? If you have any family or a friend to lean on, now is the time. Trying to deal with this by yourself is very hard indeed.

I hope to hear more from you

Croix

[RJE2806]

Thank you for you reply.

Not knowing if its the medication or was going to happen anyway is what im constantly thinking.

When she has gone off her medication before it doesnt last long maybe a week or 2 then realises she doesnt like the way she feels then starts taking them again.

She will be okay and talking and seeming like shes back to herself where she is calm, then put of no where her whole personality seems to change and she will get agitated and all ill have to do is look the wrong way or do somthing different from the way she does it and the person i know disappears into this enraged angry person that i feel like i dont know.

She has mentioned suicide a couple of times, by saying not being around anymore everyone will be happier, i always reassure her that is not the case, that there are so many friends and loved ones that are here for her that care and love her.

I'm happy giving her space, but am constantly worring about her.

Her moods go up and down so quick sometimes. I can see she still cares and seems to want be around but it can change quickly The last couple of days seemed promising she seemed to be wanting to be around more and been talking to me and messaging me more. But yesterday afternoon she turned again verbally abused me over the phone. I just left it for a couple of hour's as i was about to start work, she messaged me and seemed to have calmed down.

Its my birthday on Sunday and shes told me shes booked dinner for just the 2 of us which confuses me, as it seems like she wants to be with me and cares, but then again maybe she just wants feels like she has to.

I just wish she would go to her gp, anytime i try to talk about it she gets angry, nd says she will go when shes ready. Do you have any suggestions on trying to get her to go?

I havent spoken to anyone about anything. Im not sure what to say or how to even bring it up. Im not really a person that opens up much and find it hard to. Im also worried how they would react. I will have a look for a decent gp and try and get in asap.


Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[Croix]

Dear RJE2806~

I guss the sooner you can get into a GP of your own the better, and if you feel the talking face to face might not work well (I tend to forget things) then consider doing what I've done and write it all down the day before, and hand over the paper at the start of the consultation.

Doctors like it becuse it gives them a clear picture.

I've no sure-fire way of getting her to see a GP, my suggestions you have probably already thought of, emphasizing the harm to you, seeing if there is someone else like a parent or friend that might have better luck, and talking about it only when she is in a calm mood.

The Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) can give you, the person worried about another, a fair amount of sensible advice on what to do if somebody is suicidal. It might be worth giving them a ring and asking their opinion.

Of course if you are ever thinking she is in immediate danger to herself or others ring 000, it's the only thing to do.

I know in the past you have been reluctant to discuss the predicament you are in with others, however it is surprising how much difference it can make. My wife had her mum to talk to and also get material help from when I was in a very bad state. Going it alone is simply very hard, and leaves one open to overlooking things.

Is there anyone in your life you would consider simply cares about you and would give you support?

I hope to talk more with you

Croix

[RJE2806]

Hi Croix,

On my birthday we were supposed to go out for dinner but ended up canceling due to having a late lunch with family, this caused her to have a massive breakdown, I left her to be by herself in the bedroom for her to calm down. I had to go to the toilet i walked past the bedroom and saw her trying to end her life. She was breathing and conscious, i couldnt help but cry and hold her, she was ok, i said i needed to call her family and 000 she got angry so i didnt as i didnt want her to leave and not know what she was doing or where she was.

My partner told me she was going to her GP last week, i was happy and offered to take her, she didn't want me to. Which i was fine with i was just happy she was going.

She told me that shes back on medication, which it seemd like she had mellowed out with less frequent and less intensive lows which is what she used to be like. She has even been talking about us doing things together like holidays ect in the next 6-12 months.

She had a mssive breakdown 2 days ago and left again. This time i messaged her sister and told her about what had been happening, neither her or her family knew anything was happeneing becuase my partner keeps everything to herself.

Since then she has had some massive lows again, she had calmed down by yesterday arvo and ended up coming home, i had dinner cooked and tried to make her feel as welcomed as possible.

She was ok when she was home, i went to work today she worked from home, thismorning she was messaging me and called me like she used to. But by the time i was on the way home she was feeling really down again. Shes staying at hers again, she always says 'you're going to get the shits becuase im going to mine' which i dont just makes me feel down but i try not to show it. Is there a reason why she would say this all the time?

I went to a GP this week, she gave me a mental health plan and told me to see a psychologist to talk to and help cope.

I rang a few they all ranged from a couple week wait to 6 weeks. Ive booked in for 2 weeks.

I ended up speaking to a mate about everything he didnt know what to say but said any time i wanted to talk he would be happy to catch up, message or talk on the phone.

Im going to call the suicide call back service so i can get more help and advice

Thanks again for your time, help and advice.