New to this site. Supporting my two beautiful adult sons

[LeeT]

Hi. I'm new to this site. I am not seeking anything, but the opportunity to vent. I have very little support, if any. No one who is willing to walk with me on my journey, know exactly what is going on in my life, who can just send me a text every now & then saying 'I love you', 'Thinking of you'. The supporter needs some support. I now realise this.

I have 2 grown sons, 25 & 29. I raised these amazing boys on my own from 10 & 14yrs. Their father (an ex-soldier) has barely been in one son's life and not in the other; for the past 7 years. His new wife successfully pushed them out of his life, and my ex allowed this to occur. He now has PTSD.

My sons grew up to be great men. One is a lawyer and the other in a Cth Gov job. I'm so so proud of them. However, one has struggled with depression for the past 7years, & will not get professional help (he went to a psychologist once & they didnt hit it off, so he now thinks they are all no good).

For the past 2 years, my other son has had depression and anxiety. He is seeking help but his psychologist just left to do another type of work in the field, so now has none. Both have tried multiple antedepressants, with nil luck so far.

I have been trying to support them both, in ernest, for the past 12 months when they both worsened (supporting the younger for a few years longer). It's the hardest thing I've had to do, watching the loves of my life struggle & rarely see them happy. I've had a hard life, but this takes the cake. It's made harder as both are very private & wont open up to me very much (1 more than the other).

I'm still learning how to support them better, I've made mistakes - but I'm learning as I go. I work full time and have a hugely stressful job, so no respite. The pain I feel when I see them hurting and can't fix it (typical mum trait, I know) is immense - as is the happiness when I see them occasionally smile or laugh.

I've never felt so lonely as I have felt, lately. My siblings just don't know what to say, so say nothing. I'm in this on my own. I'm now seeing a psychologists but it's only for coping strategies; it doesn't take my pain away of going through this.

To all supporters out there - I 'get' you. You're all amazing. Best wishes & love.

[MarkJT]

LeeT, welcome to the forums and a marvelous place it is to seek out assistance, advice or just to vent, as you have.

Well done on what you have achieved so far in your life. It is not an easy task raising children by yourself and to have two successful sons, you have done so very well.

I am very glad that you are seeing a clinician as carers, as you very correctly say, need support as well. Continue on doing that for sure and perhaps download the, "Smiling Mind" app. It is guided mindfulness and once you learn this, it will help you relax.

With the hugely stressful job you have, have you thought about doing something else that is not so stressful? You have so much on your plate and your love for your sons is never going to go away so if you can reduce stress in other areas, that would be helpful.

You probably already know this but if you can get your sons to a different psych and then even another one again, until they hit it off with one, it would be hugely helpful.

People with mental health conditions need treatment and it can take some time before you find the right meds and the right psych but once you do that, it is enormously helpful.

Please continue to post and happy to chat away and answer any questions you may have. It is a very caring and protective place this.

Mark.

[Guest_9809]

Hi LeeT - I wont go over things that Mark has very kindly already gone through with you above. But I just wanted to let you know that I greatly admire you and think you are amazing. And I also wanted to let you know that I am here if you want to chat, discuss everyday difficulties of being a support person, or just want to vent to someone.

Just a brief intro about me - I am a carer for my husband who is a retired Vietnam veteran who was diagnosed with PTSD and alcoholism about 10 years ago. He has a number of other physical and mental issues as well. I am also the primary contact on the emergency safety plan for my brother who is at high risk of self harm.

So I dont claim to know all there is to know about supporting someone with depression, but I do have some idea of what is involved.

If you find the time, I would recommend you have a look at the "Supporting someone" section below where it gives information about supporting someone with depression and anxiety as well as the importance of looking after yourself.

You may also be interested in navigating the Forums and checking out the Staying Well section where you will find a lot of helpful information about general wellness topics. And also visit the BB Social Zone threads if you would like to meet others here in a more light hearted and fun setting. Please contribute to any threads that interest you. I know you will be met with a big welcome from a kind and supportive bunch of people.

I hope to see you around the Forums Lee. And please take some time out from your overly busy schedule for yourself occasionally. (-:

Taurus

[LeeT]

Thank you guys (non-gender term I'm using here) for your kind words. Very appreciated. Yes I'm already finding ppl on the forum very warm and understanding. I will take your collective advice re the app (Mark) & other forums (Taurus). I've just organised my amazing sister in law to fly down this weekend, for a bit of support and much needed time out with her. She. Has supported my brother through many years when he lost his legs in a plane accident 20yrs ago, so she 'gets' what I'm going through. I'm quite excited as its been a lonely time for me. Time to pack a week into a weekend! Thanks again for the kind words. If all people were this warm & non-judgmental, what a wonderful world we'd live in. I get very busy, hence the late reply. Best of wishes to you guys also.

[Guest_9809]

Hi LeeT, and thanks so much for getting back to us. I am really pleased that you are planning a bit of self-nurturing this coming weekend. Your sister in law sounds like an amazing woman too, so you are a great pair. And obviously you have a lot in common with family support issues, so you will have lots to discuss. Just out of interest, how is your brother now, 20 years down the track from his dreadful plane accident?

I'm excited for you Lee, and I really hope the weekend is fantastic for you both. Yes I know you are exceptionally busy, so please dont feel bad about any late responses. Just take good care of you, as without you being in 'good order', you cannot be the support to your sons that you want and need to be.

And just for your info, since I have a non-gender profile name here, I am a female. (-:

Wishing you a productive working week and a fantastic weekend ahead. All the best to you.

Taurus