My husband has become emotionally detached since taking medication.

[Maggie_M]

I noticed my husband change several weeks ago. He used to be very loving towards me but has become cold and detached. I thought he was having an affair but found out he started taking medication back in May. He didn't discuss this with me and I can't believe how much his personality has changed since. Example, he would always give me cards with lengthy sentiments regarding our relationship. I just had a birthday and for the first time in 25 years, he didn't even get me a card. He didn't acknowledge our 20th Wedding Anniversary either and when I cried in front of him he had no empathy whatsoever, he told me he didn't feel like celebrating it and walked away. Of course he may simply have decided he no longer cares for me but I cannot believe how out of character his behaviour is since starting this medication. I feel like he has just checked out of our marriage but I am thinking the medciation has made him like this or is it just a coincidence? When I tried to talk to him rationally, he says he feels nothing and is just numb. He said he has been suffering from anxiety which I know is caused by stress at work. I really don't want this to end but I can't bear this to be our future. Any advice would be appreciated....

[Mumma4]

Hi Maggie M,

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I'm not too sure what type of medication your husband is on, but most meds can definitely affect their compassion, empathy, and all aspects of their personaility.

My husband has been on and off a huge range of anti anxiety, anti depressant, and pain relief medication and I could always tell when the dose or medication had changed. It is so tough not knowing if the conversation or the person you are speaking to is genuine or not, and can be really heartbreaking.

I find when I notice a change in his behaviour I distance myself for a couple of days and then approach him gently when I'm not quite as hurt or angry and that is when I get the best response. In saying that when the bouts of depression go on for weeks you can feel like you are living alone.

I would suggest to keep trying to let him let you in and perhaps when he processes it all a bit more he might be able to talk about it more. Perhaps ask if you can go to the doctors with him next time. Too much pressure can put them off and push you away even more - which hurts us as the partner even more too!

Be kind to yourself - take things day by day perhaps for now until you know more xx

[geoff]

hi Maggie, dpression is such an awful illness it changes people's mind, those you love begin to have another personality so it's very difficult to actually know what he is thinking about because most times they tend to hide everything from you, and this makes it even more difficult.
At the moment you need to get yourself into some counselling, because what is happening is making you very upset, so you won't have the strength to be able to deal with all of this, and when this happens you will also get sucked up by the vacuum that depression causes.
So naturally there are two issues here which are pretty obvious, butthe first one is to look after yourself. Geoff.

[JackM]

Maggie M, do not take it personally. I myself had a similar experience, except I was the one taking the medication.

If I recall correctly, I was on two different types of SSRI on different occasions. Both of these times I felt utterly detached, like a different person. Things that I used to like before, I no longer liked. It didn't really make me feel better, but it did make me feel like everything was irrelevant.

I started to feel like I wouldn't care if my friends and family were to die (and even thought that if they were dying in front of me, I wouldn't lift a finger to help). Ultimately I started having fantasies about hurting myself or other people, so I stopped taking the SSRI. Once I stopped the SSRI, these fantasies ceased immediately. I found out later that these symptoms are a side effect of SSRI experienced by some people. No one told me of that before I started taking them.

Is there any possibility that you could discuss this with him and his doctor?