I need help with my partner's Depression

[Penne]

My partner has depression and has had it way before I met him.He doesn't want to communicate with me and never wants to do anything.He has know motivation.He is on medication but it doesn't seem to help him.We are are currently having time apart because he wants his space.He said that he feels alone and doesn't know where he is going in his life. He disappeared last week for 5 hours as he has a problem with gambling his money away.Im not sure if this is a trigger from been depressed or just an addiction.I do worry about him and it's hard for me to cope with and I try to help and be there for him.but I can't if he keeps pushing me away. I am sure if he had the right medication it might take the edge off.He is on antidepressants and has been off and on for years. But I can't see any change. Do you think if he some other kind of medication it would help him. He was having counseling which I think helped, but it wasn't really for him it was for us.He thought we needed help.but I think he honestly needs it.Please help me cope with this.Dont know what to do here.

[BballJ]

Hi Penne,

This is always a tough on to give advice on because you can only do so much as your partner allows and he has to make his own decisions in terms of getting help. One thing I have learnt about medication is not every single one works for every single person, they don't all agree with our bodies and brains as well so sometimes changing them up is an option and one that should be discussed with the local GP especially if he isn't feeling like they are working at all. Counselling is another big one but again getting someone to go to counselling for their benefit is very tricky and cannot be forced because if it is they generally won't open up as much as they should or give the counsellor all the information to help them. It's not to say that you can help at all, you just have to keep supporting him as much as you can, you obviously care about him or else you wouldn't be seeking help on here which is great by you. I know it is mentally and emotionally draining for you as well but just keep supporting him and trying to convince him to seek further help.

May I also recommend that you read through the supporting someone section, simply scroll to the top of this page and under the section called "The facts" and then go to supporting someone and have a look there, just for some extra information.

My best for you and your partner,

Jay

[geoff]

hello Penne, I agree with Jay it's never easy to find the right solution and whether his addiction is something caused by his depression could quite be so, unless there was some indication that he was gambling before hand, maybe you can let us know about that, however now it's something to worry about.
People who suffer from depression tend to want their own space simply because they don't want to be asked question after question, they don't have any answers because it's something that has suddenly appeared.
As Jay says medication doesn't work for person A but it does for person B, so it's virtually trial and error, but certainly the medication he is taking needs to be reviewed by his doctor, and perhaps he may want you to go with him, so you could ask him, because being separated doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want any contact, so you can still text him to say how much you want to help him, and please don't worry if he doesn't reply to you straight away.
The other issue is that you need to look after yourself and if you feel as though you want to talk with your doctor then please do, because depression with someone will most certainly involve someone else. Geoff.