My fiancé has depression

[Bee123]

Hi there,

my partner has depression. He can cope ok on the outside, but sometimes he shuts down. When he does he's very depressed and down. He is very self conscious and unhappy with the direction he is heading in life. 

I want to support him but its been 5 years now and we are getting married in a few months. I would hope he can try and get help before I wedding or at least understand he needs help.

 He has had a very I tense life. I fee like like a counsellor could help. He thinks he can deal with it in his own head. But I think that's the issue.

its so draining not knowing how he will be when I get home. And I feel like depression fills the house. 

 How can he go and get help. I want him to be happy because I know he wants to be As well. I feel selfish because I know it is hard for him also.

 Thank you

[Doolhof]

Hi Bee,

I just found your post. Welcome to Beyond Blue. I am wondering if you have asked your fiancé in the past if he would go and see a Dr for his depression? What has his reaction been if you have suggested this?

Does he want to get better? Can you tell him you are making a Drs appointment for him and would he go with you to chat with the Dr together?

You may be able to find a local counsellor that charges minimal and make an appointment for you both to see him or her. Some Churches, Community Centres and such have free or low cost counselling if money is an issue.

You could look up the information here on Beyond Blue about depression and also Google ways of helping people with depression. You may come up with some ways to help your fiancé enjoy his life more.

Don't feel selfish for wanting a happy home, we all desire that. Try to find ways to make life more exciting and interesting for you both.

When you get home and he is having a down moment, would suggesting you both go for a walk help, or put on some music, have a chat with him out in the garden and ask him if there is anything you can do to help him.

If you have a garden, put some flowers inside, light some candles to add a bit of brightness, change around your furniture if you can to have a different feeling to the house. Add something bright to the décor. If you can make yourself feel happier when returning home, it might rub off on your fiancé.

You could also use the Beyond Blue phone number to contact someone direct to discuss how you are feeling, or use the webchat site.

I hope some of this has been helpful to you and I hope you find some answers and ideas. Please get back to me if you want and let me know how you get on

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[geoff]

dear Bee, this is a worrying post that you have sent us, but I'm so pleased that you have done so.

Please from what I have to say isn't by any means meant to upset you, because we sort of have to think aloud here and it's only from we believe may happen,

The main concern here is that he is half in denial and the other half that he believes he can fix this problem himself, so these are major problems, because he won't be able to fix it himself, and he only believes that he can is because of the coming wedding, so this is one part of being in denial, but the more serious concern is that once the marriage goes through is that he will become more depressed, so I wonder if the wedding can be deferred to a later date.

I know that this will cause a great deal of re-organising and that people will be asking 'why', and perhaps some may not understand if they are told, but in all fairness to the both of you it would be best.

If the wedding does go through in a few months, then there will be many decisions that would be needed to be made, and if someone is depressed they won't be able to cope which means that they will climb into a cocoon, which leaves you to make all the decisions.

He has to realise that he can't fix this problem, which is his depression now or at any stage by himself, he needs professional help.

I am so sorry for the both of you and sorry for what I have said, but he has to be encouraged to get help. L Geoff. x