mum needs advice

Tweedles · ‎30-03-2015

Hi I have a 16 year old daughter with severe social anxiety, school refusal. We have been to Headspace they sent us on to Mental Health. then 3 weeks in child/adolescent mental health unit , more appointments then they do an assessment on her understanding etc and say there is nothing they can do . She will only talk to me. no friends, no interest in anything, won't leave the house, sleeps to avoid contact, hates being touched or looked at. please, there must be something out there that can help . She sees no one atm .

Neil_1 · ‎30-03-2015

Hi there Tweedles

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

I would like to open up with saying that it is a great thing that she will talk to you. At that age, a lot of youngsters refuse to even open up to their parent(s). You’ve mentioned that you’ve been to a lot of places for your daughter and with their assessments was she able to convey her fears of anxiety and her refusal for school (or was this more of you speaking for her?) I’m only asking this as for what I’m thinking as a possible alternative.

My suggestion would be to try and find an alternative gp, one who is experienced in mental health issues – and as such, on this site, Beyond Blue have a listing of gp’s who are all experienced in mental health issues.

Hopefully your search could find one or more in your local area – and from an appointment with them, they would be best placed on what might be the next step(s) for your daughter. So counsellors/psychologists who deal specifically in the area that your daughter requires, plus also if they see fit, to place her on some medication as well, that may help to reduce her anxiety.

I hope that this post has been useful for you and I would also like to hear back from you on this.

Kind regards

Neil

Tweedles · ‎30-03-2015

Hi, she refuses medication , I can't get an explanation for it from her, she was very polite and gave the doctors the answers to their questions but has no conscience about lying if it gets people to leave her alone. She talks to me but only about everyday things nothing about how she feels, I'm on limited funds so I have limited options as to the help I can get. Should I be tough and place her back in hospital again? I'm worried that it will ruin the trust , as I'm the only person she does trust

July · ‎30-03-2015

Hi Tweedles, I was reading your story and I can understand your anguish at the situation with your 16 year old daughter , I am a mother of 4 children, three adults and a younger child.

I work in an emergency dept, as a nursing assistant and I am often asked to "guard" or sit with our younger patients under the age of 18, if they are deemed to self harm or under mental health for what ever reason. I see different behaviours and I usually sit and assess each person before I start talking to them to gauge if they "want" to talk or want to rest.

I find sometimes these kids feel a bit overwhelmed by the "professionals" when they come to talk to them and when they are gone, they often open up and start saying what has happened or how they are feeling to me, as a "unrelated" person , maybe if there is someone in your family or a friend who could just start an informal chat with her but proceed with caution and judge how she is responding, worth a go maybe.

Each person is different , sometimes it works , sometimes it doesn't , but to just assure her you love her, no matter what and support her, and will be there step by step, even if she does'nt answer, she has "heard " you.

The teenage years are vey difficult for her and you as a parent, I look all my patients like they are my kids, and to treat everyone with respect and kindness .

Just to have her mum there is a big support and I am sure she knows that ,maybe relate a story about you, to her about growing up and the difficulties we have all faced, and it is a normal part of life, maybe she won't feel so "alone in her world".

It is very important for her to keep that trust open with you, it is your pathway to her right now.

Good luck and persevere with her, she might "turn" that corner at any minute.

July

Neil_1 · ‎31-03-2015

Hi there Tweedles,

Thanx so much for getting back to us with your latest post.

Personally, I wouldn’t be going with the hospital approach – just as long as she’s in no danger or shape of harming herself. But yes, I think that doing that could dissolve the trust between the two of you and as July said, it’s important to keep that trust open between the two of you. And that is a super wonderful thing to have.

My son had a rough trot during last year at school and he was very closed up in talking – and when it was initially found that he was doing it tough, the teacher who ‘took him under his wing’ used a really good technique to get him out of being so closed. He chatted to him finding out his interests and when it was mentioned that music and drumming was what he was very keen about, it was sheer luck, that the teacher used to be a drummer – so that really eased his tensions as they spoke about music and drumming, different bands, different drum methods, etc etc.

He found a common theme for them to talk about and it really did help our son and it’s something that we encourage a lot as well for him at home and as we realise how important this is to him, we believe this is making good positive steps forward for him.

I’m not sure if there’s something that really spikes your daughter’s interests at all – maybe there already is – and it could be a possibility to pursue that with her; an interest as well as hopefully taking her full attentions away from where her mind currently is, I guess it’s a form of distraction, but it might be better than nothing.

Just a thought.

Kind regards

Neil