Loving mother who wants to help my daughter

[Nicki29]

Hi all

I will try and keep this as short as I can. I am a loving mother to a 29 year old daughter who has had depression since she was a teenager. Her father and I have both tried and tried over the years to help her but she has continually pushed us away and says that she is fine.

She is now a mother to 2 boys. These little boys are so beautiful and so placid and now they are being subject to a mother who is a drug addict. It is ripping my heart out and I'm living in fear everyday that something is going to happen to my beautiful grandsons because of her addiction.

Her partner and father to her children, finally confided in me last night and told me the truth about what she is doing most nights. She leaves the boys with him and drives to her local drug dealers house where she spends up to 2 hours at this house most nights. She uses drugs there and drives home late at night. Her partner is at his wits end as he told me that she is now snapping at the children when she cannot get her fix. She does care and love the children but I've noticed over the past few months that they are a little unkept (not having haircuts, dirty fingernails, messy house etc).

I beat myself up every day and ask myself where I went so wrong for her to turn out this way in life but she only ever had a good childhood with family that love her. She was bullied a little at high school so I'm not sure if this all stems from that? She hung around the losers/dropouts at school too. She has never let anyone in emotionally so I just hoped she'd be ok as time went by but her life has just gone downhill basically ever since with not keeping jobs etc.

Now that I truly know she has a drug addiction and my grandchildren are subject to this with their lives put at risk each time shes drives with them in the car, I need to step in and try to admit her to a rehab residential program as I cant deal with this worrying myself sick each day. Its making me ill and I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't step in now and do something before its too late.

Please help me with suggestions on which way I should approach this as she is extremely strong willed and has never let her family help her in any way. I know that when I do approach her to go to rehab that she will refuse outright so I just don't know where to turn or who to turn to for help. I cant lose my daughter and my grandsons, they are my world.

Thank you for listening, Nicky x

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Nicky,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I'm not a parent but I can't imagine what that must be like for you.

I'm not really sure about what advice to give you, but I do want to try and reassure you that none of this is a reflection of you or your love for her. While certainly it can play a part, there are so many other parts of her life that are out of your control that might have led her to this. Please don't beat yourself up around this. The fact that you care for her and want for her to get better shows me what a loving mum you are.

I'm wondering how much insight your daughter has into how her drug use is affecting her family? Approaching things from a place of strength (how much better she will feel) rather than the issues (her kids are unkept) can help.

One resource that might help is Counselling Online, a resource that helps people affected by alcohol and other drugs. Having someone to talk to can help, and they might have some ideas about how to start that conversation. They have both instant messaging, telephone support and email support. It's also completely free. https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/how-we-can-help

I hope that this helps and good luck,

[quirkywords]

Nicky,

I have just seen Romantic thief has given you a caring and helpful reply.

I too want to welcome you to the forum.

Thank you for your post and honestly sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear about your painful situation. It’s so difficult to see someone we love self-destructing with their drug use.. As a parent and a grandparent myself, I can only imagine the heartbreak your daughters behaviour is causing.

As parents we want to protect our children not matter how grown up they are and then we feel guilty we may have missed something when they were growing up.

You are a very caring and loving mother who is prepared to help her daughter.

RomanticThief has suggested s good counselling resource and there is all Nar-anon that has information and groups for family members.

http://www.naranon.com.au/do_i_need_naranon.html

You can find useful information and there may be a group nearby if that's what you want to do. Also it would give you a chance to talk with other parents going through or you have gone through a similar experience.

Hopefully but talking the counselling service and Nar-anon you may get some ideas of what to do.

Quirky

[nic29]

Thank you, appreciate that x

[nic29]

Thank you Quirky x