I Don't know what to do to help my daughter .. any suggestions?

[BarbH]

Ever since my daughter was a teenager my husband and I knew she had mental health issues. We took her to many doctors but back in the eighties and  nineties Dr's didn't seem to want to acknowledge this problem back then.  Our daughter is now 38 and is still suffering. She is a lovely person and a loving Mum but she has more down days than good days and right now her world is falling apart and I do not know how to help. Her marriage is breaking up and she is not handling this at all well.  Her house is in chaos, it looks like a bomb has his it and I feel so sick about it. I have tried to talk to her about seeing someone but she sort of shuns off my suggestions. My husband and I work full time and are in our sixties. We do help as much as we can but I was wondering if anyone can please give me some ideas of how we can all cope during this tough time.

Thank you for reading 

[white knight]

Hi BarbH welcome

You could get several different replies. Not a bad thing.

My approach would be different. If you live nearby I would ask her if she would like some help cleaning up. If she said yes, I would go around say every second or third day and simply do 30 minutes of cleaning up. During this time when your grandchildren are "hanging about" I would get them involved so that over time they could take over some of these chores.

I understand you both are working. Perhaps one of you could drop down to part time work to allow you to fit this in but I'm suggesting 30 minutes only then a cuppa then leave. This is where she needs the help because she is incapable of keeping up with the daily tasks. Follow it up with praises when she has maintained some order in her home and you might see a change over time.

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Barb, hello and thanks for giving us the chance to talk with you.

It must have been so frustrating taking your daughter to doctors who didn't understand what she was coping with, so you bounce from one doctor over to another one, and not getting anywhere, and in fact you may have known more than them as it was classified as taboo.

A lot of water has passed under the bridge from her being a teenage to now being 38, getting married and then having children, so there has been constant pressure on her for a long time.

Can I suggest that you click onto 'Resources' at the top of this page and order all 'the printed material' which is free from BB, and there is so much information in it.

There is a thought and maybe not relevant to how your daughter behaves, but because you noticed her having mental problems at a young age, and now her house is a mess, could it be she has OCD.

Please can you get back to us. L Geoff. x

[BarbH]

Hi Tony ... so sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Thank you ... I have been going around to my daughters and we are getting through the house room by room.  I am spending as much time with my daughter as I can and some days it seems like I am helping  so time will tell. Once again thank you.

[BarbH]

Evening Geoff

I never thought about her maybe having OCD .. She is a very bright girl but when it comes to menial things like cooking tea or putting the washing away she does struggle, not sure if that is a sign of OCD I alway associated OCD with being overly clean and neat .. I will have to read up on that.  I most certainly will out the Resources. Thank you so much for your advice .. much appreciated.