How to deal with teenage depression

[pete29]

I'm a single dad with 1 daughter. My 15 yo daughter has been diagnosed with Aspergers and anxiety and due to the cruelty of kids, she was bullied from yr3 - yr 9 and suffers depression due to this.  She had been on medication for about 6 years for the Aspergers and anxiety and now she refuses to take it. She has stopped going to school regularly and every morning we have a argument to get her to school.  She doesn't do her work at homework, and won't do any chores. She locks herself in her room and watches you tube. She has very little self confidence, which her mother has made worse in the way she reacts t her.  My ex ran out on us with a childhood sweetheart. She doesn't attempt to interact with her school friends, which are a limited number, and although they adore her, her lack of interaction at times does put a strain on things. She used to love school but this was eroded away over the years and has culminated in her just not interested in going.  She is bright and could do well at school if she could get interested again. She is in Year 10 at school so this is an important year for her.  I try and get her to see that she hasn't got much longer until she is finished and that she needs to go to school, otherwise she will not be able to find a job, but she doesn't care. She knows I will always be there for her. When I ask her for help, it is like getting blood from a stone, and only lasts 5 mins.  All I asking of her is to go back to school, finish year 12, we are not making her do her HSC because of the pressure this can cause, and are looking at TAFE subjects she chose starting next year. I do not put pressure on her for high grades.  She has been to a number of councillors and Psychologists, but she just refuses to open up to them. This is one of the biggest problems, as anyone who knows about D you need someone you will talk to, but she doesn't open up to anyone.   I am less concerned with her schooling at this point though.  I know if her depression goes unchecked nothing else will matter and choices she makes, or doesn't make may well ruin her life.  I am taking her to her Doctor today about her Depression, but she doesn't even acknowledge she has a problem, and the doctor will struggle to be able to get enough from her to understand how serious this is becoming in her hiding away from life.   Does anyone have any ideas for getting through to her and getting her to accept she needs help.

[Zeal]

Hi Pete,

Welcome to the forum!

You sound like a great Dad. This situation is really tough. I have volunteered with teens who have Asperger's, and I have personally suffered from anxiety (OCD) since the age of 13. I'm now 22. I also had mild depression in my early teens. I was socially awkward and hugely lacked self-confidence until I was about 19, which didn't help things. Thankfully I wasn't really bullied.

Your daughter has obviously been through a lot, especially with the long-term bullying at school. Changing schools is a drastic option which may not be practical,  but is perhaps worth considering. I agree that her long-term wellbeing does come before her immediate schooling issues. Going back to the doctor is a great idea; you're doing all you can to help her. Unfortunately she is using isolation as a personal coping mechanism, which further exacerbates the challenges she's facing.

It made me happy when I read that a few friends at school adore her - that's great.

Perhaps you could ask her some questions which aren't intended to have rigid answers or outcomes. For instance, you could ask her what she wishes she could do either right now or in the future. Ask her this when you are both relaxed. You could answer the question yourself first, to make her feel more comfortable. Try not to say something that could cause her to shut off from you, like you hope that she finishes school etc. You could say something like: you hope to renovate the house, get a dog, go overseas, or go skydiving. This could get her thinking about fun and alternative things she wants to do. You could try asking about her favourite videos on youtube. Though you are a caring Dad, talking to her a little more like a friend sometimes could help break down some barriers. By the way, if you already do this, that's awesome!

I hope your daughter can start making some progress with your doctor.

Best wishes,

SM

[pete29]

Thank you SM