Estranged from family member

[giggles]

Hello

I have had this dilemma  hanging around for a long time now but would like to know if others would take the same approach or perhaps leave it.

It is about a family member that I have always had a connection with while the relationship was on the phone because of distance it was important to hear from that member over the years.

We now live in the same place but the relationship is none existent. While I can accept that we have our lives to live and we are busy with other things I can not seem to move past the fact that I would like to be seeing him more and have the relationship we use to have.

For me I am having alot of trouble just letting them go because I miss them and wonder why I have been treated like this and other people are having more time with them.I have made  a time to be with him and am wondering if I should  bring up how I have been feeling because I believe it will not change anything in the situation but it gets annoying for me when I keep hearing things about him through family grapevine and I use to be in the grapevine.

It is consistently doing my head in because my heart is hurting and I keep wondering is it me or is it him.Why has this happened with this family member?

Righto throw some stuff at me with your thoughts please.

This is really about me finding a happy place to move onto instead of having these feelings comeup it almost feels like he has died but keeps coming back to haunt me. There might be a few grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... in this one.

Not giggling over this one.

Giggles.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear giggles / Grrrrrrr,

That's quite serious.     Being ignored.   Getting zilch communication when it was full on.   Other family showing off with intimate knowledge when you are in Siberia.

It would be impossible not to keep wondering about this.      But maybe the un-reciprocal family member hasn't thought about it at all and wonders what all the heat is above.   Very disturbing as you have obviously spent a considerable time and thought into staying in touch when far away.   Bit of a paradox.    Miles apart: connected.    Close proximity: disonnected.

There is a small giggle in the fact the distance (better) was connected due to the fact that your called each other (with a phone connection).  But the Grrr may be lurking forever if you  can't adjust your expectation and seek less disappointment.

I've only had this cold shoulder thing when being medically retired a few times.    Work colleagues you know really well shy away and any further friendship is torpedoed.    I've had people cross the street to avoid me or, when seeing one Police Band I used to play in (after  Workers Comp Grrrr-ed it's way in and I effectively beat the Police Force), had a whole  band of 60 musicians scrawl their way  up to the Carnival BBQ after playing a set rather than say "Hi, David, how's it going after that 4 yr Workers Comp case that nearly killed you ?".

Long term what do you think is the go for you ?    Years of mutilating your feelings or time spent nodding at the selfishness and taking that person off your Christmas Card list ?   Whatever you do you have immense strength on the BB site and I, for one (or should I say I, for two, being bipolar and all that ?)  really value your responses.    Even if I'm not on your Christmas Card list.

Adios, David.

[giggles]

Hi David

Cheers for that and you made me giggle a few times with a grrr............... at what others did to you.honestly people................!

yes I agree I am hoping  to adjust my disappointment soon cause I am over it and the meeting will possible bring this to a close or a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for long time.

Or a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrief for me to let go.If I find there is nothing I can do about this then so be it and onto sucking it up as we say.

Off course always the optimist he might say he has felt it too.

That would get a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr tooo though cause of what it has put me through relentlessly. Either way I will definitely have something to work with.

Thank you for answering David.

I think everyone should have a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Giggles

[geoff]

dear Giggles, what's the song 'spread it through the grapevine', rumours how distorted they become from one person to another.

It could start off with 'did you hear that Jo-Blow won't pay back the $ 5 I lent him last week', and as it travels through the grapevine, it could end up by someone saying, 'Jo-Blow's brother borrow $600 from his son and won't pay him back.

So just be careful and take their version 'with a grain of salt'.

The other disappointing point is and it always happens is that if you are really keen on a man and always make a point to go and speak to him in the grocery shop, have a laugh , tease each other, flirt, it's exciting and great fun, and then you have the to nerve to ask them out and finally move in together, then all the excitment has gone, sounds like a marriage, oops.LOL

Sorry Giggles, but I think that you should approach him and get it out in the open, being frustrated is certainly no good for you, because it just builds up and we all know what happens after this, depression. L Geoff. x

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear G's = Geoff/Giggles,

Isn't it "Heard it on the grapevine".

I worked out another reason - when you confide on the phone, especially long distance, you probably reveal more intimate stuff.  So meeting up in person might be both awkward and also the constant worry of "who else has Giggles told about me ?".  Very awkward.

I suggest taking a cardboard cut out of Bruce Willis with you when you finally do meet this friend/ex-friend.   Apart from the great romantic couple that you would make with Bruce it would be a good talking point and distraction for petty things.

Maybe Bruce could say "Grrrrrrrrrrr" if he could remember his lines.  And save his other famous line "Let's go" for when things get rough.

Adios, David.

[giggles]

Dear D and G 

Crikey got sum food for thought which I will ponder on while eating lunch while having this meeting thanks guys and I might write grrrrrrrrr.... on Bruces face that just got my giggles all out again David.

Giggles

[geoff]

dear David Charles, my friend, thanks it is 'heard it on the grapevine', and your correct it is easy to confide on the phone.

This has no relevance to this post, only that you mentioned Bruce Willis and the cardboard cut out of him, anyway I received an email of Kevin ???????????????Rudd's team, opened it and here he was standing with his merry flock and every face on his team had been cut out and Mr. ?>"Rudd's face was on all of the people.

Reminds me of Fred Flintstone where an alien lands and out walks ten clones of Fred saying  'yabba-dabba-doo', sorry Giggles to get of your post. Geoff.

[giggles]

Well I did it the meeting and am very happy with the result.

It definitely let me let go of what i thought I had in a family relationship to find that it no longer exists is a good thing. I feel free now and actually empowered to continue without feeling like I am missing anything because I never have been.

So on that note I recommend people talk about stuff between them idealistic as it may be it certainly worked for me.

We left still talking so thats gotta be a plus and if I am criticized for doing this I will properly never be told anyway and the person criticizing is coming from where?

So on with the giggling.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Great stuff, giggles,

Nothing like a bit of mediation when things go off track.  Probably more successful than Bruce Willis's meeting up in Sixth Sense with the small boy and all those dead people.  But then, to be paid for playing dead seems a bit rich.  Some dogs cadge a good biscuit doing that so maybe they paid Bruce in the Science Diet bikkies.

If that had been me I would have been more nervous before the meeting.  Somehow, when you are face to face, reading the friend's emotions,etc, things calm down.  Even stepping out of a car to talk to another driver rather than abusing from the wheel seems to be the same kind of thing.  Or is it called common sense ?

Adios,David.

[geoff]

dear Giggles, proud of you and hopefully from this experience you will be able to learn next time when it happens.

When I say next time, isn't meant to be a downer for you, but life goes on and circumstances change.

Stand 10 foot tall young lady. L Geoff. x