My dads is not doing great

[Leeboi33]

Hi guys , long story short I'm 24 dads 53 and he had a heart attack about a year and a half ago , since then he's saying that he wakes up everyday expecting to die and that he feels worthless, now that I'm grown up  and he's on the verge of retiring , mum can't help much she doesn't know what to do or say and either do I , he's been so strong and motivated my whole life and now he's a different person , he would never ask for help so I've come here to see if anyone has an idea on what I can say or things I can suggest to try to get him to feel abit more happy about life . Ps sorry if there is any typos I'm on my iPhone

[vip]

Leeboi33 Hello your dad sounds to me as he is suffering with depression . Best advice I can give is to get him off to a gp or a psych to speak about the way he is feeling . Its lovely you care for him but with situations like this sometimes whatever you say to boost his confidence doesnt help so he may need some professional help here he obviously has been through some health issues . Those health issues have changed his mental health. Also get him to hop onto these forums and read all the posts you never know he may want to write something on here as well. Hope this helps best of luck

[grace_]

Hi Leeboi,

It's really good to see that you are seeking help in finding out how to help your dad. He's going through a difficult time, struggling with not feeling like his "old self" and needs your gentle and loving support. Maybe do little things with him that will also help his heart condition? Has the doctor prescribed any exercises or foods? You could learn to cook fun healthy meals together, or make time to go for a walk together, maybe on set days a couple of times a week, as goal setting and routines are good to look forward to. Remind him that you love him no matter what, show your support and encourage him to talk to his GP about it. Hope this helps.

[giggles]

Hi Leeboi

I understand your concern and fair enough too especially if you can see a change in your dad's behavior.

Firstly this may sound awful but take it from someone who has had a bypass your dad has had the fear of life put into him and the best thing he can do now is seek out help from others.

It not easy having a thing like heart problems because it is in the realm of the unknown and when you match that with all the medical information that will be given to him he needs time to process it and hopefully he will have the same response I have today.Even though the heart thing will never go away I just need to be extra careful about what I do because of the getting knackered.

Can you imagine what you would be like if it was your life that had this thing hanging over you and you are use to having answers or solutions to things. But this has an unknown factor that can bring the fear and depression which I reckon is fair enough.

But the trick is for your Dad to accept that he can only do his best with what he has got when this happens is up to him because we all have triggers but no one can tell us exactly when it will trigger.

If you can tell him that there is help from outside the family there is a heart group on the net that supports heart patients.

I know about all the meds we end up on and the changes that has on the body and our lifes but my family are so use to me getting on with it they forget I have a condition.

Its not fair to have these things happen to us but it is not the end of the world just our world changing from a hick up.

I hope you have a relationship that you can express that you love your dad and ask if there is something you can do together for his heart change.I never missed the small things that happened around me they are the big things after all.

Lets us know what happens but it will take time its a bit like expecting a baby to talk before they have the skills to do so or starting a new job without being instructed on the system.

Off course you can always be up front and say something like this to your Dad. :Dad is this going to beat you?' Hopefully he will see that he needs to take control sometime.

Giggles

[geoff]

dear Lee, what a devastating situation for your dad but also for you and your mum.

He has been such a strong person for most of his life, and now he believes that he is worthless and can not support his family, because mentally now he thinks he can't. and because of depression this has changed his thinking.

I really feel sorry for all of you, but more so for your dad, simply because I am 5 years older than he is, and I know what my short comings to me are, as my doctor keeps telling me.

Nobody else knows what I am looking at, not my sons nor my twin, and I am not going to tell any of them, because if I did it would only make them panic.

Your dad says ' he wakes up everyday expecting to die and feels worthless', this is because once he was the dominant person who looked after you all, and now he can't do this.

It's no different than a CEO being given his orders, that he now has no control over the company, that he has lost his right to manage any to do with the company, but how can you get them to realise this.

Well you put them in charge of something that they handle, and I know that he will be upset, but he has to understand that his doctor has told him to take it easy.

These minor tasks, which is best not to tell him, is so that it helps out the rest of the family, because you and your mum don't have time to do them, and that he is really helping out.

You just have to reward him on helping you and your mum so much for doing these tasks, this won't happen straight away, because he may close up and get pi----d off, but it's that continual love and support and affirmation so that he will slowly accept it. L Geoff. x