Daughter refuses to continue with her medication

jimmydean · ‎16-04-2015

After finally being given meds for depression after seeking help for almost 4 yrs, my 16 yr old daughter was doing really well. Now, suddenly, after being on meds for 2 months, she has stopped taking them. She says that she doesn't recognize herself when she is on the meds and that it is her choice. We are now back to square one and 'her' decision is affecting everyone. She acknowledged a long time ago that she had a problem but now this. I haven't a clue what to do or how to get her back on the meds or willing to see the GP. She is vile and really hurtful without the medication and I'm at my wits end.

LilyM · ‎16-04-2015

I started antidepressants when i was about the same age, (17) and i had a similar experience. I had depression for many years before i started medication, so i found not being depressed really unsettling. It was illogical to be upset, because i was getting better, but i felt like i was losing what made me, me, and it was a horrible feeling. Honestly, i think that the only thing that made it better was time. When you're depressed, it becomes a big part of who you are, and losing that can be really upsetting, even though its so much better in the long run. Alternately, there is a chance that it could just be chemical. Some antidepressants can cause personality side effects: lethargy, lack of libido, etc. it may be worth consulting with her psychiatrist to see if its possible to try a different medication?

Pixie15 · ‎16-04-2015

Hi jimmydean,

Welcome to the bb forums. It is quite possible that your daughter feels different on the medication. It is also possible that she is experiencing side effects or difficulties with the dosage. It she has stopped suddenly without weaning off she may have side effects from that as well.

It would seem a priority to get her back to the doctors to discuss the difficulties she feels she is having with the medication. Would it help for you to tell her that you accept that she does not feel right and want to help sort that out? Unfortunately she may not have any idea how "vile and really hurtful" she was without the medication.

thanks,

Pixie.

white knight · ‎16-04-2015

HI JD, welcome

It is her decision. It is her right. Unfortunately everyone pays for it!!!

We often say here in these pages about leading the horse to water but cant make it drink etc. it is common. Unfortunately other are hurt by their actions as you have said.

The age your daughter is at is contributing towards this situation. But you wrote here for an answer and I dont think you will find one. If she is unapproachable bout the topic then you have little choice but to go along with it. Eventually, down the road a few years she might mature enough to realise she needs such help to remain functional.

The only other thing you can try is to get her to accept her meds might not be the right ones for her. I tried 12 meds over 6 years before I found the right one for me. And cosidering meds take 2-3 months to kick in you can see its a long drawn out process. There is however often a light at the end of the tunnel.

Tony WK

White_Rose · ‎16-04-2015

Hello JD

Welcome to the forum. Glad you joined us.

Tony and Pixie have made some valid comments so I do not have much to add. In fact only one thing, which is unusual as I can write reams at other times.

Your daughter says she feels unlike herself, that she does not recognise herself. Well she has acknowledged in the past that she has a problem, she has not experienced herself in the present or any time as a happier person or more stable person.

Medication can do remarkable things to us. Tony has run through the whole range of meds to find one he can tolerate and that works and I also have had to experiment. If your daughter's ADs are the right medication for her I expect she feels much better but cannot recognise it because it is so different from her previous experience of herself. Four years ago she was 12 years old, coming up to puberty with all its complications, changing schools etc.

All this would have had an effect on her as it does on all girls of that age. But your daughter had the added complication of depression. My bet is that she really cannot remember how she felt in her earlier life, at least not with accuracy. It's a huge step from a little girl to a teenager as I expect you are well aware of.

So for four years she had an image of herself, even though she may not have liked it, that she had become accustomed to. Suddenly, due to the ADs, she is feeling different and this is confusing and probably frightening. Any 'good stuff' happening is being lost under the scariness of change. And probably fairly quick change at that.

It may well be that this fear is what is prompting the hurtfulness. She is confused and is lashing out at anyone. One effect of stopping medication, especially suddenly, can result in swings in behaviour. Usually not nice to live with.

Do you think that you or your wife, or possibly an aunt, someone she respects, can explain this to her and get her to go back to the GP?

Search this web site for information about depression and any other help you can find. Also search the web for decent site that explains the effects of the AD your daughter is/was taking. Especially the effects of ceasing it suddenly.

At 16 your daughter considers herself an adult, at least until something goes wrong and then it's over to mom and dad. So please talk to her as an adult and truly listen to what she is saying. And excuse me if this is what you already do.

I look forward to your next post.

Mary

jimmydean · ‎17-04-2015

Thankyou. We had a good talk last night and she has reluctantly agreed to go back on the meds. What you have said in your post is exactly the way she described it to me. She only recognizes her angry vile self as that was how she was for so long and finds it incredibly difficult to relate the calm person she is whilst on the meds. We have a gp appt on Monday so hopefully we will be once again heading in the right direction. It is heartbreaking to hear your 16 yr old daughter saying that she has nothing to live for and it wouldn't matter one bit if she were not 'here' any more.

jimmydean · ‎17-04-2015

Thankyou Lily. As with WhiteRose, you have hit the nail on the head. As I said, I know the lengthy journey we must embark upon. I too have suffered from depression but I was thankful for the meds as I was an adult at the time and so had experienced many years of feeling good to be able to recognize the differences in my 'good' and 'bad' feelings.

jimmydean · ‎17-04-2015

Hi. I honestly that the meds were right for her as she was doing so well. She had an almighty meltdown on Weds and that was when we discovered she had stopped taking them. We managed to talk with her last night and she is scared of not knowing who she is. As you said, she has spent so long feeling a certain way, then the new person she has become since taking the meds has scared her as she doesn't recognize this 'new' person. She said that if I had really suffered from depression then I would know exactly how she was feeling, however, my first two bouts of depression were post natal depression (I know my name is misleading but I loved jd as a kid) and my third bout just came out of the blue with no apparent trigger. As I had known happiness, it was the new me that was alien unlike my daughter who views the new medicated version as alien. I have told her that the meds she is on are only stimulating her own bodies natural chemicals and not making her high. I said that she wasn't producing serotonin naturally and that the meds were just helping to do that. I have suggested she uses this Site to connect with people who have been through or are going through the same thing so that she knows she isn't alone as she needs to hear it from other people, not just her family.

White_Rose · ‎17-04-2015

Dear JD

What a great post. I am so pleased you have been able to communicate with your daughter. Please excuse me for implying that you were her father. As you say, the name confused me.

There is always the temptation to believe all depression is the same. Basically it is but manifests itself in so many different ways, partly due to the age of the depressed person. It may be useful to compare symptoms and feelings, so to speak, with your daughter. While the ostensible cause is different in each case I imagine both were the result of lowered serotonin levels.

I know it sounds like two old ladies comparing notes about their various complaints, but I found that talking to someone who had experienced depression was a tremendous help. When we compared feelings etc there were so many similarities and it really gave me heart to continue. I was not the only one who felt like this. The relief was tremendous. It is so often said that you can only appreciate the darkness of depression if you have been there yourself.

It's a great idea for your daughter to write on this site. There is a section for young people. Perhaps you could encourage her to read the information about depression that is available here. It's accurate and safe so you need not worry she will get any strange ideas. It can be downloaded or posted to you and/or your daughter.

Yes it is heartbreaking to hear any young person say they would not be missed etc. And the saddest part is that they truly believe this. Telling someone they are loved seems to be like water off a duck's back. And yet I believe that ir does register at some level and can be accessed as the effect of the ADs kicks in.

Have you considered getting her to talk to a psychologist? There are some good psychs out there, experienced in talking to teenagers. Having someone to talk to other than her family may be easier. She can say what she wants without hurting anyone's feelings. My psych tells me I cannot possibly hurt him because he is not attached to me as a family member or friend. Not that he is not a caring person. He can remain objective and his training tells him when I am not nice to him it is because he is a substitute for the person I am really angry at.

I cannot really grasp that, but that's probably why I am not a psych.

I hope all goes well on Monday. Would love to hear from you about the outcome.

Mary

jimmydean · ‎17-04-2015

Thank you so much Mary. I have tried to explain about my depression but as it is so different to her situation, I think she struggles to understand that there depression displays in different ways. I really believe that if I can persuade her to come onto the Beyond Blue website and interact with or even just view other young people's experiences, then she won't feel quite so isolated.

She saw a psychologist last year but didn't really feel like she was getting anywhere. Just before my daughter was prescribed the meds, i contacted the psychologist and expressed my concerns about her wellbeing and said that she was deteriorating. She just said that she had previously made progress but said she would be happy to see her again. When I mentioned that I thought maybe medication would be beneficial in addition to the counseling she just didn't agree. As a previous sufferer of depression, i know from experience that counseling alone can't fix a chemical imbalance. When the GP first prescribed the meds to my daughter, she said that once my daughter was getting on the right track, she felt that counseling would be a benefit to her. I will ask on Monday if she can arrange this so that my daughter can get help in addition to the meds and back on track. I am truly thankful for this website as I feared going back on to the same path myself.