Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

Jaziesister Worried sister & Aunty
  • replies: 2

my sister is a single mum of a 7 yr old & a 3 yr old. She is very depressed & struggling with life.she has told me she is a bad mum & doesn't want to be a mum anymore. She has thoughts of suicide.Her kids go to their dads house every second weekend &... View more

my sister is a single mum of a 7 yr old & a 3 yr old. She is very depressed & struggling with life.she has told me she is a bad mum & doesn't want to be a mum anymore. She has thoughts of suicide.Her kids go to their dads house every second weekend & when they return to her within a day she's had enough & wants them gone again. When the kids are with their dad they are happy. My sister uses the break to party so when the kids return to her she is even more run down.She is very aggressive with her children & has no tolerance of them. I am worried about her but mostly concerned about my niece & nephew. She won't reach out for help with a gp as she says she has tried everything. But I'm not sure she has tried anything.Im feeling very angry & frustrated about it at times as I think about her babies & how she needs to get help to get well for them. She is miserable. Her kids a miserable. How can you help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

eavtooch My Brother is suffering with depression and i want to know how to help him, he's closed off from everyone.
  • replies: 3

My brother is 23 and a carpenter. His girlfriend used to live with us but she is now moving out since his depression and anxiety has become worse. I want to help he get out of this but I'm lost with how to do so. He doesn't want to talk and finds it ... View more

My brother is 23 and a carpenter. His girlfriend used to live with us but she is now moving out since his depression and anxiety has become worse. I want to help he get out of this but I'm lost with how to do so. He doesn't want to talk and finds it hard to explain how he feels if he does choose to talk. Work is a big stress for him and I've tried to cut back his hours but sometimes i think work is keeping him sane. He has mentioned suicide attempts and also says life would be easier if he ended it. I'm desperate for help. I want him to be happy again. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

HardQ Depressed myself, my boyfriend is also depressed and resisting help.
  • replies: 3

Hi there,I guess I'm looking for any advice about how to handle my current relationship. I have depression and an anxiety disorder which I am managing with a combination of low-dosage medication and a psychologist. I don't have a full handle on it ye... View more

Hi there,I guess I'm looking for any advice about how to handle my current relationship. I have depression and an anxiety disorder which I am managing with a combination of low-dosage medication and a psychologist. I don't have a full handle on it yet - while I'm almost in control of it I feel like I'm balancing on a very fine knife-edge and I still have the occasional black night or day.In the last 18months I've noticed a marked change in my partner's behaviour - we have been together 4 years and while he has always been happy to be alone he has become more isolated from his family, despite them being very close on the surface. On his worst days he has confided to me that he believes everyone would be better off without him, he wants to just disappear etc. - very typical stuff. He flat-out refuses to believe that I could ever have felt what he's feeling, I honestly think he thinks my depression was nothing compared to when he feels bad. He refuses to see a doctor, he hates psychologists after a previous bad experience (unrelated to depression) and is firmly of the 1900's male 'man up' mentality.I desperately want to help him, but I feel that he's constantly holding his despair and panic in, then letting little bits of it escape as bursts of irrational emotion that leave me confused and exhausted, and it's beginning to affect my depression. I can't tell him this or he will immediately shut me out and withdraw, saying that he needs to look after me by keeping it all inside.Any advice would be great as I don't know what to do to look after both of us. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Lilly717 My mother is distancing herself and I need help.
  • replies: 2

Hello, This is my first time on one of these, and I'm not entirely sure what to say. I need help in getting my mum back. I am 26 years old with 2 other sisters and we have always been an extremely close family. Especially with my mother. Our parents ... View more

Hello, This is my first time on one of these, and I'm not entirely sure what to say. I need help in getting my mum back. I am 26 years old with 2 other sisters and we have always been an extremely close family. Especially with my mother. Our parents split when I was only 8 years old and since then it was always the 4 of us. Our mum was/is our hero, and a woman who we have always admired for her strength and the life she always managed to supply for us. My mum always has suffered depression, for as long as I can remember. However the past few years she has gotten severely worse and we are all struggling with what to do for her. She goes weeks without even contacting us, and stays home all day long with no-one to talk too. My eldest sister lives in America, and my youngest sister and I don't live with her. She never comes to family events, and has totally isolated herself from the world. I recently tried to speak with her about her situation and she told me to not speak to her anymore as she is suffering from depression and there is nothing I can do to help and that I don't understand. My own mother, the same woman who brought us up as a close knit little foursome, so easily just told me to not talk to her anymore. It breaks my heart at how much she has disappeared and I just want to know if there is anything we can do for her.

Cast93 Abusive mother, not coping with depression.
  • replies: 3

My mum has been a single mother for about 10 years, for about the last 5 years she has become more and more abusive. I moved out of home from 16 and my sister 2 years later moved out at the same age, now my brother is threatening leaving for the same... View more

My mum has been a single mother for about 10 years, for about the last 5 years she has become more and more abusive. I moved out of home from 16 and my sister 2 years later moved out at the same age, now my brother is threatening leaving for the same reason. She is physically abusive and emotionally toxic; i would like to know how do i go referring her to mental health services, it's that or i consult with police but that would ruin her career. She is suffering from grief as my father died last year and i fear it has exacerbated her existing anxiety disorder, she has loosely been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder meaning she has no insight into her mental health. My mum won't take anything i say seriously as she takes it that its a personal attack and that it's out of my place to speak to her about how she parents. My mum has no known friends and her family all live out of country. I can't afford to support my brother should he leave school, i'm a student who works part time.

Fallon my husband is severely depressed
  • replies: 4

My husband has always been a quiet guy, has no real social skills unless he's been drinking or taking drugs, in which case he seems "normal". He has never ever taken an interest in our child and basically ignores him and seems to enjoy just wallowing... View more

My husband has always been a quiet guy, has no real social skills unless he's been drinking or taking drugs, in which case he seems "normal". He has never ever taken an interest in our child and basically ignores him and seems to enjoy just wallowing in his own misery. He's incredibly lazy if he's not at work and won't even shower or change his clothes. I think he's a bit damaged from a bad childhood and may have a genuine mental problem but he won't go to the docs except for antidepressants which don't seem to work for him. Lately we've separated, he's lost his job and he sits around looking glum and doing nothing, just spreading the negative vibes. We're still sharing the house but I fear what will become of him when me and our son leave. We're trying to sell the house. He is totally uncommunucative. Is there hope for a man like this? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Jaclyn Son with depression help please.
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, I have a son who is in his mid 20s and has depression. He has been seeing professionals for the last couple of years and is on medication and seems to be coping ok most of the time. He is not working. We (his parents) talk about it with ... View more

Hi everyone, I have a son who is in his mid 20s and has depression. He has been seeing professionals for the last couple of years and is on medication and seems to be coping ok most of the time. He is not working. We (his parents) talk about it with him and he opens up alot. He has been talking positive for around 6 months but lately he is showing signs of going down hill. My partner and I have been going to a psychologist to help us understand and find the words to say to him. During his downward time he says things like"I feel like my life just slipped out from under me. I see my friends and they are doing well and have everything sorted. Just seems out of reach for me" When I explain to him he shouldn't compare himself to others as they haven't suffered depression. He has said Im not comparing its realising that im gonna have to be like that to live. Whats hard is that during the time he has been well he doesnt seem to do anything to get himself better. Like exercise. I am finding that people with this terrible debilitating condition are gentle and kind. He is very popular with his peers.

CMF Help for a friend with anxiety
  • replies: 4

My friend has had anxiety for about 4 months. It won't go away no matter what he tries. He will only try natural remedies is doing acupuncture, has Chinese herbs and inositol. we think it is like a post traumatic stress as a few things he has tried h... View more

My friend has had anxiety for about 4 months. It won't go away no matter what he tries. He will only try natural remedies is doing acupuncture, has Chinese herbs and inositol. we think it is like a post traumatic stress as a few things he has tried have given him a shock, bad images and they persist. He had a friend's priest give him a blessing but placing their hands on his head made him start to tremble uncontrollably, he saw a psychologist but talking about events brought on another attack. The worst was when a kinesiologst placed her hands on his head. He got an awful image in his mind which gave him a shock and he can't seem to recover from this. It was about 2 months ago. These series of events/traumas have given permanent anxiety. I have explained that although it is real for him, it is in his mind. He doesn't drink and has never used any substance, eats well very very health conscious. I have suggested cbt and try to help by talking/ listening but feel at a loss. Can anyone relate to this or know why it's happening? He feels he will never recover. We have had a stressful few years but he says he is ok with all of it it's in the past im at a loss

guest155 desperate for advice to help my son and d-in-l
  • replies: 8

My beautiful daughter in law has been struggling with depressionfor some time, I didn't know how bad it was. She had never really said anything. My son had never told me. She's a very private person - her own words. Just last month she suffered a mis... View more

My beautiful daughter in law has been struggling with depressionfor some time, I didn't know how bad it was. She had never really said anything. My son had never told me. She's a very private person - her own words. Just last month she suffered a miscarriage - the final push off the cliff. She has shut down. She screamed that no-one sees her, she's invisible. No-one cares, no-one listened when she called out for hlep. My son is shattered too and guilt ridden that he let it go so far. How can I help ? She doesn't want to see me, doesn't want to look at me right now. We had him take her to hospiatl last night, I was really frightened for her, she wouldn't stay, but they promised to follow up with doctors etc. I can't sleep, I can't think, I just want to make it better. He is so afraid she will just walk out and disappear because he has let her down. She is so angry with him for telling us about the miscarriage. He was supposed to keep it secret. I would have suported her through that dreaful loss, I'm sure that would have been better ? I don't know any more. I just don't know. I 'm drowning here. And my son needs me too, I can't not be there for him even if she doesn't want to see me I have to see him. It can't be hopeless. thanks magicmum

Postivevibes my partner has finally beat his depression there is hope!
  • replies: 2

I just had to share this with everyone out there I logged on tonight to read my post that I posted back in February it bought tears to my eyes as this is not the life that I live at all now I live a happy amazing life with a partner who smiles every ... View more

I just had to share this with everyone out there I logged on tonight to read my post that I posted back in February it bought tears to my eyes as this is not the life that I live at all now I live a happy amazing life with a partner who smiles every day and is my support person my how the tables have turned and this is all due to him going to the doctors and finally admitting he has a problem and starting on anti depressants I never thought they would work but honestly for him they are miracle pills or what he likes to call "happy pills" he said to me while we were driving yesterday wow I can't believe how I used to feel every day it was like I was always wearing sunglasses and everything was dark and gloomy and now it's like I've taken my sunglasses off and I can see clear now and everything is bright and just clearer. since he started on the anti depressants in April he has been so amazing happy caring loving supportive and back to the old person I fell in love with he has not had one relapse and no side effects apart from being happy all the time....the reason I am sharing this with you all is because even though it is so so hard and you may be at your wits end hang in there, there is definately hope. I am so greatful for all the support I received on the forum and I feel for anyone going througb what we went through and I hope somehow one day you can take your sunglasses off and be happy again. Stay positive and don't give up.