When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical (Part 2)

[white knight]

In part 1 I raised the notion of being radical, indeed any action at all, in avoiding suicidal thoughts or plans.

It is 24 years ago I made my one and only attempt on my life, one of my siblings suicided as did an uncle and my sister had an attempt as well.

I recall vividly that I had zero vision of anything other than escape. Now, much wiser, more aware and in 2008 a diagnosis of bipolar I’m able to see the warning signs. But there is two assets I possess that will guarantee I will never fall into that well again, they are-

1/ Positive thinking. I’ve attended motivation lectures, read books on how to transform from negative thinking to positive etc. Positive thinking won’t prevent depressive cycles but will help you kick start your life when coming out of those periods.

Being a positive person makes recognising negative people easy and one feels sorry for these sad souls that simply don’t enjoy life.

2/ A safety plan. Your own safety plan can be as simply as being radical in actions providing of course you let loved ones know you are ok.

A change of immediate environment is a good concept. A walk or if you are ok to do so, a drive to a beach or attend a movie. It’s all about having faith things are bad for a short time only. Once you’ve accepted same and your depressive cycle begins (or triggers), then you’ll be aware of such steps so you can avoid the suicidal path.

All this seems ..well, logical but we aren’t logical when on the way to self harm.

Now, imagine you are stranded in a small island alone. What would you do in the first 48 hours? Write SOS with rocks on a beach? Make shelter? Find water, food etc. That’s logical yes? Then such survival instincts are automatic- but instincts are absent in us when we are deeply depressed hence the need for a plan.

What do you think? Do you have a plan? Does it include important contacts like lifeline, Dads in distress or Beyondblue? Or is it worth avoidance strategies as I’ve mentioned?

TonyWK

[ecomama]

Thanks TonyWK, what "works" for people can be so different for each person but having a MENU and choices is empowering in itself.

I love this thread because it will help provide that "menu".

Your sun set scene is peaceful and beautiful.

During my most depressive times, I found night time extremely difficult. The darkness and relative quiet seemed to close in on me. Despair often washed through me.

So remembering that sun will RISE in the morning and saying that as a mantra then watching the sun rise - which I can see from my balcony - is like a fresh start, a new beginning.

The endless possibilities of this new day.

Holding onto those thoughts on repeat (which takes discipline) helped changed my mindset.

LOVE your poem!

EM

[white knight]

Thank you EM.

If readers feel comfortable please post. We are talking about survival techniques that avoid suicidal thoughts and plans.

I want to mention "courage". It comes in various forms but courage won't imo stop suicidal thoughts and plans but it might deflect the actual event and save you. Let me explain-

Our illnesses contribute to our emotional fragility as does our relationships and environment financial pressures and loneliness. So contentment is elusive.

Suicidal thoughts and sometimes, plans, are not very preventable. What can be added to this process is a time period, to introduce delay can be your saviour. Add to this - move yourself! A short walk for example. After a period of time that is when courage comes into its own. To rise up from the depths of despair to rethink your immediate future. From a rash thoughts to a desperate plan to ...stop and delay then reconsider your journey to survival. This last period of that sad process -the turnaround is your finest moment. To claw your way back, be radical in any other option of changing your life will save everyone great trauma.

SOCIETY OF SAND

I’m sitting in a desert

Upon sand of friend and foe

Can’t find a piece of turf

Where I cannot stand on toes



I collect a handful of grain

Then watch as it escapes

Just like some friendships

A barren temporary landscape



I create my own oasis

By weeping on a weed

But the sand around me laughs

Because it doesn’t have a need


Until lately it be the friends

That helped me walk the land

They holding me up under my feet

-supportive grains of sand



I begin to sink so slowly

As they gather my precious hide

The quick sand laughing so loud

A kind man says goodbye



And as I become one of ‘them’

My heart now granuled and dry

I try to weep to water the weed

But sand has no means to cry



Damn it! I struggle so

Be damned if I be like them

I crawl out of the society of sand

To gather all the courage that I can....

TonyWK

[Chumptastic]

Hi Tony the second paragraph in your 1/ caught my eye. Calling negative people sad souls is a tad harsh and comes across as judgemental. I don’t think I’ve ever been an optimist. I call myself a realist. At the moment I’m pessimistic and I don’t think, with everything that’s happening in the world, climate change, covid, uprisings in many countries just to name a few, that it’s unreasonable to be pessimistic. It’s a rational response to how the world is. Did you know a study into optimistism/pessimism some years ago found that when predicting outcomes of events, the pessimists were right muck more often than the optimists?! I think the trick is not to go down the rabbit hole of depression from a pessimistic world view. But pessimism in my opinion is rational.

[white knight]

Hi,

Yeh, ok, that's fine. My "sad souls" comment- well when I was young and negative I was a lost sad soul. Can only describe from my experience.

If people are content being a pessimist then that's fine also.

Not me.
TonyWK

[hellohi]

Hi TonyWK,

Your poems were amazing! I missed reading your poems.

I never knew that "introduce delay can be your saviour", sometimes when the suicidal thoughts get too strong, I try to force myself to sleep, I guess it is a delay - more time on earth.

I had a question, if it is alright can I ask?

What if you are not enjoying life because you don't want to live anymore?

What if you don't have enough hope to keep you on earth?

And in your first post, you said " you let loved ones know you are ok", what if no one knows that you have suicidal thoughts?

Your friend,

Neerja

[white knight]

Hi Neerja, glad to hear from you.

In my opinion suicidal thoughts are understandable if you are sad, lonely, have no support from those you expect to support you, have depression or other serious mental illness or you don't have the capacity to see life in a positive light.

Thoughts are just thoughts. As long as they aren't acted upon, thoughts are harmless.

Harmless as they are, they don't reflect a content, stable nor happy existence. So, as in individuals we should work towards eliminating them.

To do that we should change our thinking to a more positive outlook and attitude.

Some things we can change-

Become independent. Stop having expectations on other people. In particular no longer expect from others things they are not capable of producing. E.g. support from a loved one that cannot provide it

Communicate- if you want time out from friends or family then tell them you are ok. Some go off and allow their silence to hurt others. That isn't mature.

Accept life's stages- a teenager won't have the same lifestyle 10 years later. Nor at 35 be the same as when 25 years old. Meaning life changes. Having a bad few years? That bad time won't last long.

TonyWK

[ecomama]

Hi TonyWK and others

Around 10 years ago I learned about the longest longitudinal study done by Harvard University following a group of Graduates, now for over 80 years.

The study BEGAN in the Great Depression.

You can google ted talks - harvard university longest longitudinal study to hear about it. 

There is a talk of over 1 hour on this also plus lots to read on this.

My take away from learning about this study is this. Crap happens no matter what your view is (I guess this is up for debate also from an individual POV lol)... but it makes the WORLD of difference in HOW you look at these crises in life or life changes or situation. And WHAT you do as a result of these events / times.

Still only my take away from it.... the people who had a more positive view had better health, better relationships with family and friends and a longer life.

Better health.... wow hey. I'm well into my 7th decade on earth and only been in hospital to have babies lol.

I was a born optimist. I had a terrible childhood but it was my never give up ATTITUDE that saw me through.

I KNOW I'm realistic - my evidence is achieving degrees against enormous hardship, battling through many Courts recently with the important outcomes I wanted, raising children on my own and they're doing remarkably well considering.

You can certainly be realistic AND an optimist. I am. Realism isn't exclusive to pessimists only lol.

I see it as a spectrum.... negative view to the left and optimism to the right.
Being realistic covers both views along the spectrum TO A POINT at each end.

It stops at the point of suicidal and losing complete touch with reality on the left, it stops at the point of delusional, losing complete touch with reality to the right. This is my view only and not endorsed by anyone else. Doesn't need to be. Though I'm happy to alter my POV along the way.

The thing to know in life is that NO ONE on earth gets a "free path", regardless of your outlook. Stuff happens. Obstacles. Issues. Hardship. Events.

It's up to each of us in how we deal with them.

EM

[Deconstructing]

Apologies if this is _too_ light hearted, I read this thread and there is some great stuff, I am still absorbing it.

But the topic caught my eye, and I have a friend who also had a particularly bad year at the same time as me. Although it was a while back now, and we were fit, martial arts training, educated in programming and electronic engineering, lockpicking etc .. nothing left to lose...

So ovbviously...Sky scraper heist like in the films 🙂

Sounds ‘stupid’, but it wasn’t, I won’t list our skill set a the time , but 15 years ago technology wasnt even close to today, and ...yeah ok, i’d have given us 60% odds tops. We both had genius IQ’s and creativity.

Then he had a son, got married, had a daughter. I was made god-father to them, though that’s really just a friendship token these days, I appreciated it.

He’s now a successful computer engineer.

I’m.. . in a different story unfortunately.

I don’t know if there’s a moral to this post, apart from the right family can make all the difference.

I still regret missing out on the high-tech skyscraper heist though 😉

[white knight]

Thankyou for your comments.

Both "be radical" threads are about survival when we are sliding down the suicidal path. We must try radical ideas to jump of that skateboard

TonyWK