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The nights are the worst.

Community Member

I find that the hardest time of all are the evenings. I live alone and the house is so quiet. I lay awake each night, not being able to sleep and the darkness outside my bedroom window matches the darkness inside of me.

Its at these times that the sadness feels so powerful and overwhelming. I can feel it sitting inside of my stomach like a heavy rock. I have lived a majority of my life like this and can't see any way to stop feeling like this.

What are some strategies that people might use when both your thoughts and feelings are at their darkest.

53 Replies 53

Thankyou everyone for such kind words. I am so lucky to have found this supportive community.

I know what the right thing to do is, I just have to actually do it.

No Sleepy21,

you certainly didn't offend me. I know I have a problem and I just need the courage to do what I know I need to do.

Community Member

Hi Sleepy21, I frequently fly on here and make random comments, but mostly I kind of update where I am at in life because i have nobody else to talk to about inner stuff. I have developed a growing alcohol dependence. I spent a lifetime never finding it a normal shopping item to bring alcohol home. Just wasn't on the radar. Now I panic if I haven't got it in the house in case i have my "panic attacks".

I was going to try cold turkey but googled the dangers, and since I have anxiety anyway the last thing I needed was to await heart palpitations and the delirium tremens etc. So I kept drinking and measuring my drinks, trying to cut back, but it doesn't work. Tonight I had 1500mls for the first time ever. 1 Litre freaked me out, but I'm done now. Does anyone know of a place where you can get off alcohol without the anxiety of a medical episode, (which is part of my anxiety) and not having to pay for a private clinic rehab centre. I don't have those funds available. Thankyou

Community Member

Hi Doug,

I am exactly the same. This time last year I could count on 1 had the amount of times I had a glass of wine in my life. Like you, it literally wasn't anything I thought about. But the in about march or April last year my parents gave me a glass of wine and I liked the taste so went out and brought the same brand a week later. Since then my drinking has escalated very rapidly and now its nothing at all to drink a bottle of wine a night occasionally even 2.

I think your best bet would be to go to your GP and ask for a public rehab facility. Alternatively they can prescribe you a medication (can't say the name here) that acts as an anticonvulsant and prevent you from having seizures.

There are also other medications that can help with the cravings

I think I am coming to the point of realising that I most likely can't do this on my own and when I finally try to stop drinking.. I will likely need professional help to do so.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi doog

I'm a bit out of my depth as I don't know much about getting treatment.

I would say maybe a mh worker could help too...

I see a psychiatrist and my gp for general mh upkeep as I get depressed and at times suicidal.

I know a little more about that....sorry I don't have better info

Community Member

I have stopped drinking for 4 days now. It hasn't been easy at all and I am fairly sure its only a matter of time before I crack and start drinking again.

I am over the physical withdrawal symptoms, no longer have the shakes or the sweats, but....my God I am so so low and just can't get more than a few hours of sleep at a time. All I can think about is Suicide and Death. I am not sure if this is my real depression or a drop in mood due to Alcohol withdrawal. Ether way, its a special kind of hell.

spent most of last night laying on my bed crying, thinking of ways to end it all. Don't get me wrong, I didn't do anything and I don't think that I will do anything to end it. That's such big step that I don't think that I am ready to take just yet. But I just want this horrible pain to stop.

I have tried, listening to an Audio book, watching Netflix, having a lavender bath, listening to music, anything to try and distract myself from how awful I am feeling. I don't know what else I can do to get through this. Any ideas.

Hi Pandemica,

Thank you for sharing this morning. We're sorry to hear what you're going through, with these unsafe thoughts and the difficulty getting some rest or distraction. We are reaching out to you privately to offer you some support. It sounds like you’re trying some really good ideas, and sharing here is one of them.

It's good to hear you're thinking of getting some professional support with this. Have you reached out to anyone about this? This could be a conversation with your GP or with your existing mental health support, or a chat with a loved one who you feel will be supportive in helping you to change this behaviour. It sounds like it would be really good to discuss this with are our friends at Counselling Online, who have some really good resources on Making a Change, here. You can find the number for your state or territory on thier website, here. Our kind and understanding counsellors are also here to talk this through with you, on 1300 22 4636. Other community members have previously mentioned Daybreak, the app, to be a useful resource. You can find out more about this here.

Thanks again for sharing, Pandemica. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

Hi pandemica

Sorry last night was awful, well done of holding on to Ur hope

I try and watch movies or use this space .

I also have one or two ppl I trust during suicidal times, perhaps I should have more...but it's one friend and my gp

My case manager told me once in this rough moments u cut solve the major problems, we just have to get through

I also love a hot or cool drink in those times, distracts me through the sips

I'm into art as well, keeping hands busy....or even self care like painting nails

It's very individual but hopefully some things appeal to u xx

So I buggered up again. Drank again last night so back to day 1 without Alcohol. Thanks to Sophie for recommending Counselling online some great tips and support there.

Hopefully tonight when I get home from work I will be able to use Some of the strategies to fight the cravings.

Fingers and toes crossed.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Pandemica,

I have been reading along with your thread and thought I would just jump in to say hello...

I live alone and I’ll definitely agree the nights are the worse...I don’t work, except for two days a week in a volunteer role at a charity shop....When I come home, I am greeted by my 2 little dogs and they need my attention, care and love, They are really excited to see me back home and it gives me a less lonely feeling....

I listen to sleep stories at night when I go to bed, sometimes it helps other times I might listen to them most of the night until I finally go to sleep....

I did try alcohol a few times to sleep but found I was a lot worse the next day...I think going 4 days without it is a huge achievement, it’s okay that you had some the night...Please don’t be too hard on yourself....Trying is all you can do right now and you’re doing a great job....each day/night is another chance to have another try.....alone it would be so difficult, with some help from an organisation might make it easier for you...

My kindest thoughts, dear Pandemica..