Hi Teek,
Thank you for sharing your story in the BB Forums, it's really brave of you to be able to recall all those events and you're doing great talking about it. I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your son... It saddens me to hear about how rough your life has been in the past (i.e experiencing your dad leaving you at an early age from suicide, your mom's alcoholic / distant nature, the bullying you had in your work place and in your previous relationship, and the loss of your son). It's a lot to take in for a single person, and takes tremendous strength to be at where you are right now.
This is by no means an advise, but a speculation from my understanding, so please take my words with a grain of salt. I feel perhaps being too safe, is keeping you from living your life. Happy to dive further into this thought if you'd like as well.
Have you considered requesting from additional support from your local GP? Perhaps they can refer you to a counsellor who can help you develop coping strategies with what you're feeling right now? You are as deserving of a life that you want to live, and your feelings are as valid as everyone else in this world (no matter the life experiences).
Jt
