Struggling to get help

Doolhof · ‎21-03-2023

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment. A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you". The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

Doolhof · ‎05-09-2023

Hi Eagle Ray,

Thanks for your comments here, I appreciate everyone's sharing and help. I'm starting to sink into dark depression again and know I need to work on finding a way to float for a while.

I phoned the medical centre and it is weeks before I can make an appointment with a Doctor unless it is an emergency. I might use the phone support services.

Googling psychologists just confuses me more. Some charge so much! I have been to others in the past that state they deal with certain issues, then when I see them they state they don't do that at all!

Stuff is going on at work, my husband is still away on his overseas holiday with mates until the end of the month, it was the anniversary of a loved ones death recently, one of my still born children would have had a significant birthday had they been born alive, I called out to a friend for some company and she is too busy all this month, my Mum who really didn't want anything much to do with me all my life suddenly needs my help after an operation and my toe still hurts!

Yes, maybe I am feeling sorry for myself. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. Thoughts are just messed up in my head right now and depression is trying to drag me down.

I'll get a few jobs done and then I might pack up a picnic lunch and go for a drive. Staying home doing nothing is going to drive me crazy.

Eagle Ray · ‎05-09-2023

Dear Dools,

That would be very hard having those things come up for you today. If you have gone on a picnic lunch I hope it is helping. Sometimes on such days the best thing you can do is gentle self-care. Calling a helpline can be a good idea too as just talking to someone can help settle things.

I am wondering if you have tried medical centres in other nearby towns? I don’t know how far it is for you to the next nearest town of a decent size. For me I have a town half an hour away that has a couple of medical centres. It just might potentially increase your options.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

Doolhof · ‎05-09-2023

Hi Eagle Ray and to all reading,

I'm so pleased I went out for a drive today. I enjoyed the drive to a town 20 kilometres away, I had a walk in a reserve there for an hour, stopping often to rest my foot, to listen to the birds and take in nature. I spent time trying to accept my grief and confusion. The sun shone now and then and warmed my body and soul.

I parked in the town and had a look in a few shops. In one Op Shop I bought some books for 50 cents each, a lovely pottery bowl and 3 shirts, 2 looked brand new!

There is a pond in the town also with various ducks and geese, I sat at a table and chairs there with my jacket on and enjoyed my picnic lunch and thermos of tea. The breeze was cool so it was nice when the sun decided to shine.

At home I had a snooze then did a little weeding. Now I am cooking my dinner.

Regarding other towns, yes there area couple 30 minutes away. The medical centres are inundated with people and at one stage if you did not live in that town you could not see the Dr unless you are like us and there is no medical centre in your town.

Tonight I have some crocheting to do and a book to read. I could listen to something educational, uplifting or funny while I am crocheting to help stop the mind from wandering!

Eagle Ray · ‎06-09-2023

That’s great Dools. It always feels so good when you find those treasures in op shops doesn’t it. I used to have an op shop addiction for about 8 years but I had to control it as I couldn’t keep accumulating stuff. But I know that great feeling when you find wonderful things at very affordable prices in good condition. It sounds like you had a productive day and got to do multiple self-care activities which is great.

It’s a shame about the medical centres in the other towns. That issue doesn’t exist in the next larger town to here. In fact most of the doctors circulate between the two places. But several doctors are not taking on new patients because they are always fully booked. An hour from here there is a very big town with multiple options. You may have something similar but driving an hour to see a doctor is not ideal.

I hope you’ve had a good day today.

Doolhof · ‎07-09-2023

Hi Eagle Ray,

I think I'm overwhelmed with trying to get help. It all just feels too difficult. I struggle with what is the point to it all? To Life. To my existence. I know it is the depression talking. My goodness it is loud some days!

I had a visitor here last night for dinner, I set the table up nice and had candles burning. I went to some effort to make it a nice evening. It felt good.

Today I am driving to assist my Mum, it will be a bout a 1 1/2 hour journey there today as it is pouring with rain. I'm not looking forward to encountering the trucks on the highway, so extra time will be good.

We are just over an hour's drive to the city so I could see a Dr there for help. It is in the too hard basket for now. I'm trying to be extra aware of how I am feeling and work out ways of how to deal with that.

Yes, op shops are great, even just for a look. I bought an old wooden tray very cheaply and decorated it with pictures from calendars of various places around the world, varnished it and use it to carry my breakfast stuff out to the patio in nice weather.

The Op Shop I went to the other day had lovely friendly staff which also made a difference.

Hope you are doing okay Eagle Ray, regards to you and to all reading from Dools

Eagle Ray · ‎07-09-2023

Dear Dools,

I too have wondered about the point of my life and existence so I understand those feelings coming up. I know depression is creeping up when I have those thoughts while at other times I feel connected to life and all the beauty and wonder in it, so I can fluctuate between the two.

The dinner you organised last night sounds lovely. Good on you for making the effort and creating an experience that felt good.

Take care on the road today driving to see your Mum. Yes, with regard to the doctor, sometimes putting it in the too hard basket can be a good thing and just come back to it later when you feel more like looking into it.

I like what you described about finding the old wooden tray, varnishing it and using it for carrying breakfast. What a great idea. I find country op shops can be particularly nice to visit and have the most interesting array of things.

I am doing ok thank you Dools. I hope you have a lovely day.

Summer Rose · ‎07-09-2023

Hi Dools

Just popping in to say what a good job you are doing to keep yourself moving and productive! I wish I had your motivation!!

The commentary between you and Eagle Ray about the meaning of life caught my eye. Just bought a book called … wait for it … Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E Frankl.
So far (I’ve just started it), the theme seems to be: to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. Makes a lot of sense to me.
Kind thoughts to you

Doolhof · ‎08-09-2023

Hi Summer Rose,

Thanks for your thoughts and for sharing the title of the book you are reading by Viktor E Frankl. I believe he has written a few books. Finding the meaning in suffering (and in depression/mental health issues) can be a struggle.

I'm trying to convince myself that getting a few things done today will be more productive than reading a book and going back to bed. Not that there is anything wrong with either of those options and the two go together very well! Part of me wants to achieve a few little jobs and I know once I have done that I will fell more encouraged by my actions. I can read in bed and snooze later on.

Hope you are doing okay Summer Rose, regards to you from Dools

Doolhof · ‎08-09-2023

Hi Eagle Ray,

My day went well yesterday thanks. On the way home I seemed to follow a storm, I was thankful it was always ahead of me, the sky was so spectacular. Once again I wished there were places to safely pull off the road so I could have taken some photos.

I really struggle with a sense of meaning and purpose, belonging and self-acceptance. I tried discussing this with the psychologist . Maybe she was trying to help me I don't know. I just felt like she was off on a tangent that made no sense.

Is just existing enough in life? I tried working out what my values are and that stumped me. I have tried looking for further work, or a more meaningful volunteer position. A sense of connection and value would be beneficial.

Vague emptiness...

Eagle Ray · ‎09-09-2023

Hi Dools,

From what I have read about bpd, feelings of emptiness are a common symptom, which you are probably well aware of. So it is really understandable you feel that way. I think the things you identify, perhaps new work, a meaningful volunteer position, and a sense of connection and value, are definitely all things that can alleviate feelings of emptiness. I think anything that helps you to feel less isolated and more connected can do that.

I find my love of nature really helps and the fact I love photographing it. It's like every time I go out with my camera I never know what I'm going to see. I feel a part of nature and connected to the plants and animals who feel like family to me. So I think I derive a lot of meaning from that. I think if there is something you feel enthusiastic about that engages your curiosity, that can really enliven you and fill up the emptiness with something meaningful and fulfilling.

I enjoyed hearing about the spectacular stormy sky. I totally understand the frustration of there being nowhere to safely pull off to photograph it. I experience it all the time. Sometimes there is a beautiful rural valley that would make the most stunning photo, but there is absolutely nowhere to pull over. Sometimes it is possible to pull into a quieter road and then drive along a bit and stop. On my recent trip I spent most of my time on backroads and the minor highways, avoiding the major highways. I found it much more relaxing.

And hello Summer Rose. I've heard of Man's Search for Meaning. It sounds like one of those classic books that would be good to read. I hope you are enjoying it. Yes, life is hard by its very nature and I think it is true that meaning can be found in the suffering - learning and wisdom that then guides us going forward. While I wish I hadn't been through some things, they have given me greater insight, understanding and compassion.

Take care both and I hope you are enjoying your weekend.

ER