Hi Dools,
If the psychologist really doesn’t seem to be the right fit, and you are not getting the help you are seeking, it may be that you need to look for someone else.
I eventually found a really good psych who is a great fit for me, but it did take some time and effort. I decided not to rely on referrals and recommendations from others which hadn’t worked so well. Instead I did my own extensive research. I first looked into what I wanted to resolve which was trauma-related. I really connected with particular somatic therapies that I read about. I then searched for practitioners using those methods. Even then I had to try a few before I found the right one. I began to get a good sense early on if the person was going to be able to help me or not.
So perhaps you can really look into specifically what you want to resolve. See what approaches speak to you specifically. Then you can see if you can find directories/lists of people who use those approaches.
Like you I’m in a regional area. I know that can make it tricky finding someone. There are no psychs in my town and a few in a neighbouring town, but not doing the approaches I wanted to do. So I set my net across the whole of Australia and now work with someone via Telehealth in a different state. She has been so helpful and on the same page as me.
What you can even do is contact psychs before getting a referral and actually ask them about their approach. I think most would be open to a brief discussion either via phone or email where you can get a better sense of whether they might be a good fit.
In the end I’ve found this the best way to get the best help. I did the same thing with my liver specialist. The first one wasn’t very helpful and my health was deteriorating. I researched the websites of other liver specialists till I found one who seemed to have current knowledge (up with the latest research in the rare condition I have) and be a nice person (which I consider important). He is lovely, positive, helpful and encouraging. He’s trialling me on a med now that’s really helping.
So I think the answer is to be pro-active and to search for someone who will be an ally in addressing what you want to work through. I felt really demoralised at times while still searching, so I know it’s hard, but I kept hope going in relation to what mattered to me and what I wanted to achieve. The best way I can put it is to be an advocate for yourself. Ask what you most need, search for approaches that address those needs and then for practitioners who work with those approaches. While still searching you can be researching and educating yourself and if you need support, keep in contact here or with helplines.
But take care not to burn yourself out either trying to find answers. Like what the Rising is saying above, you can explore and research with curiosity. Have a sense of wonder and interest about what you want to understand and resolve. I found that helped me a lot well before I actually found the psych I’m working with now.
