Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I'm not dealing well with frustrations right now. My issues are nothing compared to people who are really doing life tough, I am just annoyed and having trouble finding the positives right now.

Yesterday I phoned the medical centre to make an appointment with my Dr to increase the mental health care plan appointments to be told he is leaving the medical centre. The receptionist was unable to recommend another Dr that could help with mental health issues.

Four of the doctors I have seen there previously stated they don't assist with mental health issues. Each appointment attended to be told a Dr is not willing to assist with mental health costs money! It can take 4 weeks to see a doctor here!

I had a heart monitor fitted yesterday. The organisation is in the city over an hour's drive away. The device was working last night and now it isn't working! I have to phone a company interstate when their office is open for assistance.

Yesterday the sun was shining and I wanted to garden. My husband had no scheduled work so was home and told me not to go outside as when I do, the neighbour's dogs park and cause him to have panic attacks.

The new cats were running around the house like lunatics this morning causing havoc and breaking things!

My team leader at work sent me a terse email stating I did not complete some tasks when I last worked. I have been telling here and other staff for weeks now I am having trouble with the program and can someone show me how to operate it correctly. How can I perform a task I don't understand? 

All small stuff I know compared to some people's issues in life. Stuff on top of stuff just gets too much sometimes!

[therising]

Hi Dools

It's just so unfair, the fact that nothing seems to be going your way. So unfair. It think torture can come in many forms. 'Volume' is definitely one of those forms.

I think 'volume' is such a big factor when it comes to mental health. The volume of small to medium challenges, the volume of energy running through our brain and nervous system (whether it comes to disappointment, stress and problem solving or something else), the volume of depressing inner dialogue that can start to ramp up and on it goes with the volume factor. I think sometimes there's the temptation to scream 'WOULD SOMEONE TURN IT ALL THE HELL DOWN, I JUST CAN'T COPE!!!'

The lack of problem solvers in life can take it in the other direction, with the volume being turned way down low: 'I can barely hear or feel anyone helping me. I can barely sense anyone caring enough to want to ease the stress and disappointment. I can barely count on one hand what appears easy these days'. Would be so tempting to yell at the top of your lungs, in the doctor's waiting room, 'WOULD SOMEONE GET OFF THEIR REAR END AND FIND ME A DOCTOR WHO'LL ACTUALLY DO THE JOB I NEED THEM TO DO!'. Would be tempting to yell over the phone 'THE MACHINE YOU GAVE ME IS FAULTY. YOU FIX THE PROBLEM INSTEAD OF ME HAVING TO PUT MYSELF OUT AND PROBLEM SOLVE!'. Would be tempting to yell at the neighbours 'YOUR DOG IS DRIVING US CRAZY AND I CAN'T LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I'D LIKE. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE BARKING!' and tempting to say to your team leader 'WHY CAN YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR WEEKS? LET ME TURN THE VOLUME UP ON THAT MESSAGE!'.

I don't know what's wrong with people these days Dools. Why are people so lacking in consciousness when it comes to being of service to others, whether others be a patient, consumer, neighbour or co-worker? Why does it feel like such a huge shock these days when we get off the phone from a service provider who's just made our life easier? How has good customer service become such a shocking or stunning thing at times? It's a strange world we live in, where not a lot of people automatically make our life easier. Perhaps part of it's due to them making their life easier in ways and some of us cop the fallout from that.

You definitely deserve much better than what people are giving you ❤️

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

That was well written. I wish I did have the courage to stand up and state all of those things. Past experiences have shown that neighbours with barking dogs become extremely aggressive and threatening no matter how kindly I have tried to explain the situation. Council only does so much to help.

My team leader has always denied me access to many important bits of information and policies/procedures I need for work. When I state this I am called a liar, a trouble maker and threatened with dismissal if I continue to complain. Customers ask me questions, I have to tell them I don't have the answers as I have not been informed! 

I'm feeling so disconnected, like making an effort anymore is not worth it, no-one else cares so why should I? I'm retreating into myself more and more. I escape in books, they are quiet. The T.v. or radio are noise and driving me nuts. 

After many interstate phone calls, emails and text messages the company have decided I have a faulty heart monitor and will express post out another one. Now I need to find a new Dr who will explain the results to me as my old Dr will have left before the results come in due to the delay.

It is all becoming too difficult, I am overwhelmingly tired and over it. 

The joy and pleasure of each day is sometimes hard to find. Instead I am frequently wanting to burst into tears. 

[quirkywords]

Dools people on this thread do care. I relate to feeling tired. I can see how much you have tried over the years to face many challenges. 
it is hard sometimes to find joy but the fact you write here and help others inspires me. 
you are the first person to offer help to others and giver your time and wisdom. 
You are not alone.

[Doolhof]

Hi quirky,

Thanks. I greatly appreciate your words. Unfortunately I still find this forum very confusing with this format. To me I feel very disconnected, find it difficult to find threads and don't respond to people anywhere near as much as I sometimes used to do. It feels foreign to me.

I really am feel quite exhausted quirky and do so little even at home now. Everything seems a struggle and like it is not worth the effort. 

I truly wish there was somewhere safe to go for a week, where other people could care for me, where I could receive help, assistance and understanding. Such a place does not exist I feel if you don't have top health insurance!

So for now I keep going as best I can!

[Doolhof]

Over the weekend I am going to try and work on a weekly plan, if not weekly, then a daily one and see if that helps with a sense of enthusiasm, productivity and capability.

I will look at last week as a period where I took care of my needs in the best way I was able to at the time. 

If I don't stick to my schedule that is okay as well. Endeavouring to begin is better than not even considering starting!

[therising]

Hi Dools

I sometimes think of how hard it can be to channel 'the goal setter' in one's self. Can be hard for a number of reasons, such as being due to a debilitating lack of energy, previous goals not being able to be met due to other people or circumstances interfering (leading to a sense of discouragement), no clear vision of any outstanding or specific goals in mind and so on.

With my brother being a great seer for others, he could easily see why I was unable to gain a sense of joy, motivation, direction etc over the previous months. He spoke about the significance of establishing clear medium to long term goals and the only way to achieve those goals being about breaking them down. For example, one of my medium to long term goals, besides losing the weight my knees are seriously struggling to carry, is to develop my ability to see clearly. While I can see myself somewhere in the future being as clear a seer as my brother, what does getting to that point need to look like? What does it look like on a month to month basis, with monthly goals? What does it need to look like on a weekly basis? Do little stepping stone goals need to be incorporated into my daily routine? In reverse and in theory, by reaching each daily goal this will add up to some form of change at the end of the week and those weeks will add up to months which will add up to years of practice.

An important set of rules has to include 'I will be kind to myself if a daily goal is missed. Tomorrow I will return or turn again (through self discipline) to who I really am. I won't lose my vision through seriously damaging internal dialogue'. I know, all easier said than done. I think working on a few goals at once can be the call. To say 'I will work on channeling the seer in me while also kicking goals in managing the critic in me while also developing goals in developing the time manager in me involves combining 3 goals and 3 aspects of self at once.

Looking forward to hearing more detail from the goal setter in you Dools 😊

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

I have managed to write down "go for a walk" each day. I do that already.

One of my problems is I have reached a stage where I have no goals or ambitions. I don't care if I don't wake up to see tomorrow! I can't see any point in me being here. I'm not saying I am thinking of suicide, my life just seems to have no purpose. I don't have the energy or commitment right now for suicidal thoughts.

It is difficult to find motivation and enthusiasm to do anything when I am struggling with my own existence.

I'm hoping if I can fill in at least half a day at a time with things to do then maybe I might be encouraged to do something else for the rest of the day instead of just wanting to read or go to bed to waste time.

Empty nothingness is what I am experiencing.

[quirkywords]

Dools

Empty nothingness , is very evocative. 
i find ,and am sure others do, your writing to be so honest thoughtful. By writing here you are helping and have helped many people over the years. 
your honesty and directness has spoken to me and helped me feel not alone. 
i wonder if writing here or in a journal helps you at all. 

Writing where others will read in here and reply does that help in any way..?

You have clear  insight into your lack of goals. 

I have no wise words I am here for you and am listening. 
quirky 

[Doolhof]

Hey quirky,

Maybe I should just write my thoughts down in a book and not use this site to express my negativity.