Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

There seems to have been so much going on lately I am a little overwhelmed right now. To add to all of that we adopted a couple of foster cats last night and to me they looked rather feral to start with. I mentioned that to my husband at the time but he was adamant he wanted those two cats.

Things didn't go well when I tried to feed them this morning. The poor cats are terrified. One scratched and bit me. Good thing I am up to date with my tetanus shots. I feel so sorry for the cats and hope they do manage to adjust in time to being here. 

I know it may take time. I need to try to relax around them, they don't need my stress and anxiety on top of their own. 

I also know my grief for our dear old cat is tied up in other unresolved grief. I need to let it all go. Stuff just keeps compounding. I know I am feeling overwhelmed right now so I need to work on strategies to help myself.

A walk out in the wind and rain might help if I dress up warmly enough. Later on I have to go to work. Might have a cry while I am out walking that will ease some tension.

I know the cats will take time to settle. I have to be patient and calm around them. 

Time for a walk and possibly a cry too!

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

 I really feel for you right now. Tears can be very healing and letting them out can be a healthy thing to do. I hope you can find some relief and peace on your walk.

I think current grief often does bring up past grief so it’s really understandable the loss of your beloved cat brings up past emotions and unresolved grief.

Having just arrived the new cats probably need some time to settle in. It may even be that as you are going through a tough time and so are they, that somehow you can find connection and support with them and them with you over time.

Sometimes I find when I feel overwhelmed that it helps to let go, to stop trying to solve everything and just be still and restful in the present moment. I’m often striving to figure things out and fix things, but realising that it’s often when I let go of striving that answers start to come to me or things become clearer. Just wondering if it might help to just take a deep breath and let it all out, and feel the weight of everything you’ve been carrying lift off you.

Take care and sending you support.

[smallwolf]

Hey Dools,

you are such a kind person in looking after the new cats. 

For myself, when our pet cat died a couple of years ago it took some time to get over that loss. When I used to take the rubbish to the bins, I would check he did not run outside. Of course he would not. It's those little things that can give us equal parts happiness and sadness. Time heals and yet as I write this, I am still sad for that loss. 

[Doolhof]

Hi smallwolf,

Thanks for sharing. I hadn't wanted to get more cats so soon but my husband's grief was overwhelming him and he didn't know how to process it I guess, so getting more cats was the answer for him.

We have the cats set up in a bedroom and they also have access to  back area of the house. This morning they are a lot more active and are climbing all the furniture. I think we have to move stuff or get them climbing towers!

I also feel that a new grief brings old sadness and grief to the surface once more.

Hope you have lots of happy memories of your cat. They can be such loving and entertaining creatures!

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray,

Thanks for your kind words. I know I am already tired so adding a couple of new cats to the mix will take some adjusting to. Change of any sort can be interesting to navigate. 

I do need to remember to take some deep breathes and to look after myself in all of this. Some moments are more overwhelming than others and I need to remember that change is constant. Each new day offers something different.

One moment at a time. Wishing everyone reading peaceful moments in their days.

[therising]

Hi Dools

I hope you all come to know each other in revealing and fulfilling ways (you and the cats). Whether cats feel something along the lines of love or not, we can love them in our own way. Whether it's a matter of 'I love you, which is why I bought you the scratching posts/climbing towers' or 'I love you, which is why I bought you these treats that are going to bring you joy', either way, if cat's feel love as contentment and joy, so be it. We all experience a sense of love differently.

As you share some anxiety together, none of you know each other's history. The cat's don't know why your anxiety has come to exist over time, just as you don't their history that may have led them to perhaps be a little more stressed than most cats. I can recall many years ago a friend who adopted a dog. While she and her husband were the gentlest most loving of people, the dog would always cower when guys walked in the room, including her husband. They later found out the dog was often beaten by males. It had learned to fear men, which is something my friend's husband managed to lessen over time with great care.

As you allow the cats to get close to you over time, to the point where they can trust you, they might let you feel their fur, which will be very nice of them 😊. I had a beautiful cat when I was in my 20s to early 30s. I loved that cat with all my heart and soul. It just gave off a sense, when I was in a super depressed state, 'I have come over to greet you to comfort you, make you happy and I will let you stroke my fur as a form of joyful therapy'. While she's been gone for many years, when I think of her it still brings a tear to my eye. I really do feel so deeply for you as you learn to live with your cat who has passed in new ways - through memories, feelings of loving moments and perhaps even the occasional silent greeting of 'I hope you're doing okay where ever you are. I'm thinking of you and sending love'.

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

Thanks for sharing your kind and thoughtful words here. I am very thankful that in the end I was able to bring our old cat home and was able to bury her in the garden. The poor cat had been suffering, it is so hard to decide when is the right time to end their suffering. She is at peace now.

My husband wanted to allow the new cats to roam free on Wednesday within the whole house. I was not in a good place mentally and suggested we wait a day. I was bursting into tears and felt so forlorn and sad. It was not a good day to try to interact positively with the new cats. I went out for a while, caught up with friends and returned home to read a book to occupy my mind.

Yesterday the cats had freedom in the rest of the house. They slowly ventured out. We are managing to have a pat now and then which is lovely. They go off and hide now and then. It all takes time and patience. 

Creatures of all kinds can bring us such peace, happiness and joy. Your special cat sounds like she was a real treasure. I read somewhere that experiencing grief expresses how much love we have in our hearts.

I've been out walking daily and hope to slowly build up my daily self care again, I have been a little overwhelmed lately so will try again to work on helping myself deal with each day in a more worthwhile and accepting way.

Emotions, thoughts and feelings can take us on quite a journey! Thinking of you the rising and wishing you well.

[quirkywords]

Dools I like this thread because posters are honest and we get to learn about others

[Doolhof]

Hi quirky,

Life can be quite a journey, throw in some mental health situations and you can have an variety of different experiences for each person going through something similar.

By reading other people's stories on this forum, I have come to realise that for some reason some of us have many ups and downs and some of those unpleasant times can feel disastrous.

It helps me to know other people suffer in a similar way and some are able to find ways to cope and move on. The difficult times can return, that is reality for many people, accepting that and realising I can push through once more has helped to provide me with more resilience.

People reaching out on this forum in so many ways makes this an amazing caring community.

Wishing you well quirky.

[quirkywords]

Dools I feel  reading about others makes me feeling less alone. People have different problems and cope in different ways.

Your kindness and lived experiences helps others