Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

I’m so sorry you’ve had those freak out moments. It totally sounds like overload. It’s good you can write about it here though and put it into words.

That could be really helpful that your husband contacted the psychologist. I’m sure that both he and the psychologist want the best for you. I think it is developing that trust that these are people who want to support you and are there for you. I know easing into that trust can be a challenge. But I think it helps to know your nervous system is just having an overreaction to triggers in the present that are not actually harmful.

Yes, only look so far into things online if you want to and it helps. If you can build a sense of trust with a psychologist it could be a good way of beginning to work through the challenges with emotions.

The time away in the cabin sounds great. I’ve gone and stayed in cabins in caravan parks before too. It’s good because you have your kitchen facilities and can do your own meals, like a mini home away from. And just relax or go out and enjoy nature around you. I really hope you have a relaxing, peaceful time.

Sometimes the greatest tumultuous emotions happen before a breakthrough, so know that you may be on your way to meaningfully work through stuff and find some healing. But for now just totally rest and enjoy your break in the cabin and surroundings.

[Doolhof]

The psychologist has sent me an email. We are trying to organise another appointment. Will see how that goes I guess. 

[therising]

Hi Dools

Hoping the appointment comes really soon. I know it sounds simplistic but do you think it's worth saying something like 'You need to give me some sense of progress, as I can't tolerate a lack of progress right now. Even if you give me a couple of small revelations that are in some way mind altering'. I think one of the worst things about depression is the depressing lack of progress we can really feel at times. A very or even slightly different feeling comes as some form of relief. Personally, during my years in long term depression (speaking with professionals), I would have even settled for some revelation in the way the human brain works when it's in a state of depression. Any form of revelation when it came to why I was suffering so much. Whether the revelation was about myself or my brain, anything is better than walking out of an appointment feeling no difference at all.

I wish with all my heart you find some sense of relief in the way forward. You deserve it so much.

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

I keep asking for help to understand my depression and thoughts that are totally overwhelming and make me feel like I have just had enough. 

I have been Googling ways to deal with, accept, change and what ever else is suggested regarding negative thoughts. So much on the internet contradicts itself.

I'm not finding talk therapy to be helping much. I just become even more distressed by all the horrible stuff that is brought up and left sitting there in my mind to fester with no way of working out how to deal with it once it has been regurgitated!

This psychologist says she has worked with the same people for years. I don't know if that is a good endorsement or if I need to find someone who is willing to help me now with what I need.

My mind knows that stuff that messes it up. I don't know why or how to fix the problem.

I almost scream out to the psychologist that I need help to defuse these horrible thoughts but no strategies are offered. 

To me it is like running back inside a burning house just to bang my head against the wall once I am in there.

[quirkywords]

dools

thanks for sharing your journey with us here. I agree about conflicting advice:

don’t dwell on things, think things over

try mindfulness, dint do mindfulness if you ruminate

Talk things out, write things down, keep things to yourself 

so confusing 

[therising]

Hi Dools

When it comes to greater self understanding, there are times where I resemble a desperate rabbit. Down the rabbit hole I go. Which way? Mind? Body? Soul? I take my pick, then off I go. Each self help book (aka 'help yourself to knowledge' book) is an offshoot in search of understanding. Each internet search involves some quest for knowledge. Yep, definitely a lot of contradicting information to be found in the tunnels.

I think what works and what doesn't (helping explain some contradictions) tends to come down to a person's nature and/or circumstances. While what's said to work in treating depression is this or that, it won't work if it doesn't relate to a person's nature or that part of their nature hasn't been developed yet. If circumstances relate to undiagnosed sleep apnea causing depression, chances are no anti depressant will make a difference but a CPAP machine will.  While people continue to suffer through forms of therapy that do not relate to their nature or treatments that do not relate to their circumstance, the really sad part is...they are left to ask 'What's wrong with me, why am I so broken?'.

While a therapist could poke and prod when it comes to what we're suffering through, it's so important to know the nature of the person who's suffering. If it's in our nature to sense/feel everything (our inner dialogue, people's behaviour towards us, memories, hyperactive thinking etc), logic says a feeler cannot hit on a challenging revelation in therapy and then be sent away to feel all that comes from it on their own, without a way to manage. On a scale where 'pure feeler' is at one extreme and 'pure analyst' is at the other, the skills involved in sliding up and down that scale should be developed. If I hit on the mind altering revelation 'I have never felt loved' and that leads to a deep sense of heartache and pain, shouldn't the homework involve analysing 'What is love? What does love mean to me and others?'. The quest to better understand love could be time well spent between sessions.

I think we should be taught about how to get an accurate feel for certain emotions, how to observe them constructively and how to slide right to the other end of the scale into pure constructive analysis (aka emotional detachment) and then back to feeling whether that analysis makes sense. Sliding back and forward on that scale with practice toward self mastery, while learning how to be our own deeply feeling constructive analyst, is far easier said than done at times.

[Doolhof]

Hi therising, Quirky and All,

Thanks for sharing and responding. I know we don't come with our own personal operating manuals and it must take time for a psychologist/counsellor/psychiatrist  to figure out all of what you have mentioned therising. I need to give the process time.

I'm just frustrated that I have tried to gain greater help, understanding, explanation, acknowledgement and comprehension for so long, maybe I am just wanting the answers and theories without going through the pain of what has accumulated to get me to this point in my life.

One of my issues is being able to label emotions, thoughts and feelings. As a child I would either shut down and not talk to anyone of run away. The whole fight , flight and flee thing. As an adult I sometimes have to look at emotional and feeling words to even understand how I am feeling let alone understand those emotions. So yes, there is  a lot I can work on.

As my resilience is low, I am very aware I am being triggered and am reactive to situations. I'm taking a couple of days away so hope that helps. 

I will be safe, I am purposely staying around other people but alone in a cabin. I will be surrounded by nature. I have Beyond Blue and Lifeline on speed dial on my mobile phone if required. 

I'm not sure if I am going to be tackling mind matters or just relaxing. Maybe a bit of both. I have packed an old folding chair so I can sit anywhere.

I will read through this thread again at a later time and take in the support, care, suggestions and explanations. 

For now I am sending out encouraging vibes to all psychologists who are doing their best to help confused, sometimes angry, frustrated people with mental health issues who are trying to gain greater understanding!

[Doolhof]

Hi quirky,

Yes, it can all seem very confusing at times as to which theory/strategies/ideas/practises work best.

Maybe we do have to try different things and see what works, understanding that a different strategy might work some weeks but moving on from that could also be beneficial in the future.

Wishing you well with your own journey! 

[therising]

Hi Dools

Sounds like you have a good strategic plan in mind. It can be easier to meditate on answers or solutions that come to mind in nature. I find the best times for such meditation are either around 4 or 5 in the morning while sitting in the back yard with a cuppa or when I'm gardening. Because certain times of the day are the best times to hear what naturally comes to mind, I have to remain conscious of whether I'm listening to the angel on one shoulder or the devil on the other. One side may sound like 'Everything will be okay. Life naturally unfolds constructively through painful processes', whereas the other side can sound like 'What's the point when nothing's working out. May as well call it a day'.

Emotions are such tricky things at times. Take courage, for example. It can have the same feeling or vibe as fear at times. If we're channeling the people pleaser in us, the gut churning heart racing feeling relates to fear. That part of us may dictate 'You can't say that. People will hate you', so it's not said, out of fear (that feeling). On the other hand, if we're tapping into the upstander in us, that gut churning heart pounding feeling (when finally reaching our throat) comes out as 'You can't speak to me like that'. Emotions can be so hard to identify.

Revelations, my goodness. Once significant ones start, it can be like a snowball thing or a Pandora's box. 'What is this emotion I'm feeling? I think it's actually intolerance and rage. Why do I feel so much rage? It's because people don't care about me like I wish they would. How would I like them to care? By realising my value and my feelings'. So, that's one lot of revelations but just hang on a second, here it comes...'I don't think I've ever felt truly valued and had my feelings considered as deeply as they should have been. Looking back, who has not valued and considered me throughout my life?'. Now our brain's creating a list. There was no list before. Now every person on the list is analysed strategically, in all the ways they've caused some sense of pain. Now there's a new lot of pain, thanks to revelations and much deeper analysis. And on it goes, revelation after painful revelation until we reach the conclusion that may dictate 'I have always felt deeply and others have never fully respected that and led me to love myself for all the ways I feel my life, my experiences, my emotions etc. I have always deserved better. I think I have just felt love for myself'. And on it goes, all the revelations to follow.

We are such intensely complex creatures.

[Doolhof]

Hi therising and to all reading,

Our thoughts certainly do get carried away with themselves. I sometimes find myself doing a battle with the inner dialogue that is tripping over itself in my mind, trying to outdo the previous negative thought with something worse and more miserable than the first thought,  until I realise what I am doing.

I'm trying to remind myself that people are busy and they have more people to attend to than just myself. The psychologist may well by busy and has had no time to reconnect to help organise an appointment. I am not sure why she does not phone me, at least that would save having emails going back and forth over days at a time.

My employer stated he was going to organise an appointment last week for us to catch up, I have not even had communication to state when that might happen. A third party person who was also to attend as an advocate has been asking when the appointment will happen.

I've been trying to use some cognitive behaviour therapy to work on these situations. Looking at Google there are various ways to do that as well, some theories more complicated than I had learnt previously 10 years ago. There is always something new to learn!

I'm going to Google "managing negative thoughts" and see what comes up!