Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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last night

replies: 1

Last night I was having very intense urges. I tried all sorts of things to try and overcome it, meditation, the calm harm app, went for a walk around the block, listened to music, ate chocolate, cold shower, contacted lifeline. Nothing was working. I finally decided to text a friend and we just chatted about work, life, family, music just random stuff. It started to work. Three and a half hours after the urge started, I was over it. And I was not injured in any way. I was so exhausted. It was a particularly bad day yesterday at work and I am sure that added to it but to go from urges that last half hour tops to three and a half hours was just insane. Hope that never happens again

In a mental health crisis with no support

replies: 5

I have severe anxiety and depression. A bit of background-I am 40 female. Had mild agoraphobia and strong social phobia and GAD all my adult life. Was sexually abused age 14 and then moved with my parents to a beautiful secluded 5 acres just out of a seaside town and learnt to adjust to being rural and gardening and chickens ducks even sheep. I found it hard in my late teens and 20s to socialise- i had no help from my parents - dad only drove mum couldnt and dad was always working so if i wanted to go out i walked an hour into town and back. That was most of my 20s. Tho I met a man when i was 24 online, he convinced me to fly interstate to stay with him for a week so i did out of character and he ended up emotionally and sexually abusing me at first sight and it was an ongoing stay for months that i managed to get out of and it took years to get over. I became more of a recluse. Being home on acres with a view all is my world. I feed all the local birds who rely on me including cockatoos. I love being in nature, open wildish spaces with gumtrees and greenery. The fresh air. Been basically a recluse here for 26 years, since i was 14 and now i am 40. My parents i live with, they in thier 70s now. Dad is mildly abusive and my whole adult life ive had to be a bit like a man, a bit like a slave really - non emotional - he can be frightening with him, he will tell me i have to do this and even if i dont want to i have to. Ive only had one job all my life and that was for 4 years i really enjoyed but it went bankrupt and also i met a partner turned friend from their whom has paranoid schizophrenia and hes been in my life for 8 years since and its been very hard on me, even tho i need the company, hes the only one that knows me well and only immediate friend i have. ive been driving since 2010. I drive mum everywhere and its hard to even get independence much in my family. Start of this year my dads new car caught on fire in our long driveway and mum and i had to run with buckets to put it out. After that, Ive had to dedicate my life to driving both my parents with dad’s heavy bowling schedule and mums things - had little room for myself. Even planning my day, id end up with dad interfering with my plans and just give up. I was burnt out and severly depressed and anxious when it got to May. I took a year saving for my car and at that time i couldnt go out because dad in his car would complain about petrol if i did. So I was also angry. Then my dad out of nowhere told me that he is selling this place and he want mum and i to quickly look for a house within the span of 3 months so that the money from the sale can be invested into shares so my sister can get a house. So that caused me severe distress. Being ordered to leave my comfort home on acres what im used to where i am most of the time, to look at urban very small spaces, i couldnt get my head around it. The amount of pressure from my dad making us go to inappropriate hpuse inspections cause in winter there was hardly anything on the market. Everything was distressing for me. No support understanding from my parents just push.

can't win

replies: 6

i've had a pretty awful last 2 months it never ends always one thing after another, it all started at work 2 months ago when i was getting overwhelmed by finances and my job and just life in general, i went to wrok one day when i should of been at home and just wasn't feeling it, smoko came i droved out to get smoko then i get a text saying we got a meeting in 15 minutes, short notice so i was a little late, i sat there upset with everything and then i just walked out and slammed the door and walked downstairs sobbing then went home for the rest of the day. i have a mental illness and i felt like i wasn't supported by this employer enough, i think i was upset not just of my debts i'm paying off but also the fact that work was getting overwhelming and what they expected of me as a first year apprentice and just dropping tools and jumping from breakdown to breakdown all the time and getting told to go quickly and i'm busting my ass off there basically trying to take everything in, me having autism spectrum doesn't help, i got a warning for my walking out but truth be told i never once took my problems out on anyone there. fast foward 3 weeks later and i cut my thumb with a kitchen knife, went to the doctors next morning and was told to take 2 days off work which i provided a medical certificate for. no worries, i come back to work for two more days then it's the weekend. on the saturday, i was working on my car and used a wrench and my hand slipped off it and it hit the body of my car breaking my thumb, went to hospital that night then got surgery the next day, i was in hospital worrying about my finances and my job. so went home next few days and was on antibiotics painkillers, had a meeting with my group training company saying there were performance issues. met with them again the next week and the company i worked for decided to get rid of me saying i got sacked because of what i metioned here, i'm still trying to chase payments from them from trade school as well. i'm still with the group training place, but to get sacked like that when i gave it my all at work and saying i'm not good enough without being given the opportunity to develop my skills was a dagger in the heart, i'm still depressed and upset over it, i mean why do i go thru this badluck with apprenticeships, all i want to do is go to work and learn my job, that's the 2nd employer in the space of 12 months, i feel like when something happens i can't control there's big consequences

Not coping

replies: 5

Yesterday morning I was in a dark place MH wise. Everything hurt so much that didn’t want to live anymore. Thanks to the love of 2 cats I phoned local prevention team and spoke to MH nurse who as part of the phone conversation triaged me and did referral for me to be accepted into their program. Tried doing different things during the day but couldn’t settle. Ended up driving approx 30mins and spending few hours with a cousin. Another disturbed and restless night but ‘slept’ for 13 hours. about 1pm returned miss call and spoke to Ben from local MH team who has booked me an appointment for 1pm tomorrow to start to get help from the team. He advised team consists of variety of experienced staff including psychologists and psychiatrists and that while I am under their care they will provide updates to my local dr plus current therapists. as I explained to this Ben, I’ve only recently moved to lifestyle village so I don’t feel so alone and have lots of social activities I can choose to get involved in to give me things to do but last few days my thoughts have gone negative again …. I’m tired, tired of being in tears that I can’t stop and can last for hours, tired of within the same day flipping from being happy to being in tears. Without my cats I dread to think what actions I would have taken within last few days. I am safe and know I would never intentionally do anything to leave my cats alone. They need me as much as I need them. Part of me yesterday didn’t think or care about my cats, when I realised I got more upset and felt guilty and knew I need help

I am safe at the moment - thoughts of self harm

replies: 12

Hi I am so confused with what is going on for me. I have always been a strong person and looked out for those around me. I have lost 4 relatives in less than 2 years, one of my sisters being the last in May from covid. In the past 6 weeks I have self-harmed twice. I have never done that before. I am talking to a psychologist once sometimes twice a week. Tonight, I had thoughts of it again but didn't act, was able to use some of the tools I have learnt and redirected my thoughts. I don't understand why I am even having these thoughts, I am not suicidal and I really don't want to hurt myself either. What is wrong with me????

at my lowest

replies: 8

Well I think I hit rock bottom tonight. I started a discussion earlier tonight after I was falsely accused at school of slapping a student. I can't get the thought of the repercussions out of my head. It just keeps swirling around in my head and no matter what I do I can't stop thinking about it. I need to sleep but I can't. The urges are so strong tonight, the worst they have ever been, but I am trying to stay safe. It is so hard. How do people fight the urges when they are really strong?????

How do I cope with 6 different high stress things at the same time???

replies: 2

How do I cope with 6 different high stress things at the same time??? My wife has had 2 mental breakdowns in 10 weeks and i have taken on everything that keeps the house running.. We have 2 children with Autism and ADHD with behaviours spiralling out of control. We have 2 separate NDIS reviews happening at the same time. Our house has been found to have black mould after storm damage so we are going in to temporary accommodation while it is repaired under insurance. I have workplace bullying. And I am trying to recover from major surgery in April this year. I had a mental breakdown yesterday.

maladaptive daydreaming symptom and suicidal thoughts

replies: 4

I have been suicidal for what feels like my whole life and I daydream a lot to cope, almost constantly - I dream about just being happy and loved, it’s very addicting and my real life is going down the drain. I have autism, I know I will probably never have the connections and relationships I dream about, so dreaming about it is the only way I can experience it - to have to snap out of it and realise I will be lonely, unlovable and ugly for the rest of my life hurts more than anything and it terrifies me. I feel like daydreaming is the only thing that keeps me alive, I can talk to someone who cares about me and comforts me when I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown (which helped me stay safe in the past)... a person who doesn't exist. If I stop im scared I’ll want to kill myself ill be so alone, but if I keep going I’ll kill my future and then it feels like i will have no choice but to. Im ok for now, but scared for my future. Im young so maybe i can change and make things better but im scared its too late - other people my age are independent and doing well but im behind I dont know what to do, just wanted to talk

Managed to get through self harm and suicidal thoughts today

replies: 8

A trigger today pushed me over into a drive towards thoughts of self-harm. I need to tell someone as I don't feel I have anyone I can talk to, even if I am talking to invisible cyberspace. The trigger was being informed by the strata company of a particular pesticide possibly being sprayed on the lawns where I live. Something told me to research it. I have a disease that destroys the intrahepatic bile ducts (small bile ducts in the liver). The research I found indicated this pesticide's strongest correlation with cancers is specifically cancer of the intrahepatic bile ducts. Given my liver has only recently stabilised it felt stressful to deal with, as I am doing everything to try to prevent it progressing. But I've spoken to the gardener today and will get back to him and the strata company tomorrow to advise I don't want it to be sprayed, at least not on my lawn. I know he will agree following our conversation today not to do it during which I told him I'm going to do research to look into it. But it was the feeling of being invaded by something toxic that just pushed me over the edge. I've been dealing with very upsetting toxic family circumstances that I feel powerless to do anything about, and then being told of an actual toxin that felt like a threat being sprayed at my home sent me into further feelings of powerlessness. I just had a major drive to self-harm because I've been dealing with intense grief and already woke this morning with a really strong feeling of sick anxiety that has been there for a couple of weeks now. I just desperately needed to feel something other than distress and powerlessness. I feel I have lost the family I once knew as part of my identity. I feel very much alone. I have a lovely cousin but she is dealing with significant challenges herself at the moment, and I don't want to burden her with my stuff. And my good friend in the city has a beautiful new baby, and I haven't wanted to bring distress into their world. I have a very kind neighbour who has said I can drop in for a cup of tea anytime. But because of so many experiences of being harmed since a child I really struggle to believe anyone is safe, even when they show multiple instances of being safe. I am still waiting for something to go wrong and someone to turn and hurt me. My psychologist is one of the few people I know are safe, but I probably even protect her in a way from the worst of what I feel. At times I am just in unbearable distress because I feel so isolated. I am very used to isolation which I felt from the beginning of life, but it's like my system can't do it anymore. I've made major efforts in the past to connect outwardly and it's been helpful in many instances, but the additional traumas of the last few years have made the world seem even more threatening. I have a lot of trauma flashbacks. I know I need to have some good experiences to counter the bad ones, but my trust has been really damaged. I feel the only safe place is to withdraw. I know there are some safe people, like the kind ladies in the local cafe. One of them has been particularly kind with me and basically drew it out of me that I was struggling after I kept trying to say "I'm good". It's really hard for me not to deflect. I know if I allow myself to feel the anxiety and be present with it, it helps more than if I try to suppress it. So I think it will ease in the coming days. But I just needed to write that out. I feel I have no one to tell what I'm going through, at least I don't want to tell them the worst things. I can feel I still have some life-preservation instinct left so I think I will fight for my own life. It's just such a struggle sometimes to keep going.

wow

replies: 6

Well, what a 72 hrs it has been. Went to school (work) on Tuesday expecting to just plod along and get through the day the best way I could like has been my life lately. But one accusation from a less that kind student and my whole world has spiralled out of control for 48 hours. I have self-harmed 3 times, been to the doctor for medical attention for the last one, had my first ever suicidal thought and somehow come out the other side. I have some amazing supportive friends and the support through these forums is incredible. I am not under any illusions that somehow my darkest hours are done and dusted, but for now I am ok. I hope I never go through a similar experience as what I have since Tuesday lunchtime, but I am also fully aware that it is a possibility that it will happen again. This journey only really started for me a matter of a couple of months ago, but I have already learnt so much about mental illness and the things that sufferers go through. I have a lot of learning still to do and a lot of healing still to happen, but I hope one day in the future all of this will be just a memory.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

last night replies: 1

In a mental health crisis with no support replies: 5

can't win replies: 6

Not coping replies: 5

I am safe at the moment - thoughts of self harm replies: 12

at my lowest replies: 8

How do I cope with 6 different high stress things at the same time??? replies: 2

maladaptive daydreaming symptom and suicidal thoughts replies: 4

Managed to get through self harm and suicidal thoughts today replies: 8

wow replies: 6