Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy,

Thanks so much for sharing your story and strategies. I'm wanting some help to find ways to understand why I think, act and behave the way I do and how to overcome such things.

The psychologist did explain that the times that I shut down, dissociate and have trouble recognising and therefore trying to express and understand my thoughts, emotions and feelings is because of childhood trauma.

As a child I had no comprehension of how my behaviour and reaction to life around me was affecting me in so many ways. What she stated helped me to better understand myself and there have insight in to how to correct past habits of survival. That kind of information helps me move forward.

Yes, there is a lot I can do to help myself and I appreciate you sharing what has helped you. I'm just wondering if not being able to understand the root of the issue just perpetuates a wound that won't heal.

Like I explained to the Dr, it is really hard to change my mind set into wanting to live and enjoy life when for decades my mind has been telling me otherwise. Some days I am just tired Grandy! I know many others are too and they manage to carry on.

I am enjoying crocheting a blanket, I borrowed books from the library to read and craft books to look at, I have a notebook I am writing helpful information a d affirmations in and little snippets of helpful ideas and suggestions so I can scan the headings and find something helpful and encouraging.

Each day I go out for a walk and find something different to take a photo of with my phone. I try to write in my gratitude diary each day. 

Thanks so much Grandy, wishing you all the best with your health, may you have rest from the pain, hugs to you in return from Dools.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

You may be aware already, but my psychologist was mentioning something yesterday called a primary care plan you do with your GP (I think that’s what it’s called). So if you’ve run out of the 10 mental health care plan sessions you can get some additional help with that. The rebate isn’t as much and I think is for 5 sessions. I’ve just run out of my 10 MHCP sessions.

The best thing I can think of going forward when you run out of sessions is spacing them out more based on what you can afford, so you still get some support, just less often. And if you need to talk things through with someone there is always the BB helpline, other helplines and here.

It’s great your psychologist is helping identify the childhood origins of thoughts, emotions and feelings. I totally agree that it greatly helps coming to understand how those things affect us now. I think that is the beginning of healing.

 I am so impressed with how you, and Grandy too, keep finding ways to navigate through the difficult times. All those things - the craft, walks, taking photos and gratitude diary - are so helpful. I’ve recently been doing some gratitude meditations in the morning, reflecting on the kindness of others, and I’ve found it helps over the rest of the day. It’s like it calms the nervous system, feeling and sensing that kindness.

You are doing wonderful self-care and have so much courage in working your way through things. Reading your comments and Grandy’s too is very uplifting. May we all heal and be peaceful. Wishing you a lovely day.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray,

Thanks for all your kind words, I do appreciate them. I have used a GP Care Plan for other health issues relating to my general health. Where I am, the Dr refers you to the clinical nurse, you then wait up to 6 to 7 months for an appointment with the clinical nurse, she then has to decide if the Dr has provided enough points for you to be on that system!

In a lot of places I have heard the Drs do it directly, just not the clinic I attend!

[Doolhof]

Struggling!

Had a session with the psychologist yesterday via zoom. Took a while to load up. We lost sound, then later video and sound. The parts that did work were not very helpful.

I told her I need strategies to deal with the overwhelming depression that descends to suicidal thoughts rapidly. I told her I need help to find the stop button, to have greater control of those moments when I feel like that.

She didn't want to address these problems! Instead she asked me about my issues with work, asking more and more questions causing me greater emotional turmoil, unrest and anxiety. Then she went on to issues at home. More wounds being opened with huge amounts of salt tipped on top causing great pain.

Again I asked her for startegies to deal with all this emotional hurt, the pain and my mind telling me I need to be dead as a means of stopping all of these.

She started asking me other painful questions! I felt like I was about to explode. I was almost screaming at her for help! Nothing. Then the internet dropped out!

I was left feeling totally shattered. I was then angry with myself for not having the courage to run away. To kill myself. To stop this nightmare.

Where can I get help? Is this to be my life? I have been literally screaming out for help!

I am tired. My mind is exhausted. Why can't the person I am seeking help from offer me some strategies that will help and talk me through them?

It looks like I am doomed to live in this half existence,. Continually fighting my mind where part of it wants me dead and some other part is telling me to live. The battle is exhausting.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

I’m so sorry you had this distressing experience. It’s like a culmination of things that was overwhelming.

It sounds like you were not being heard in terms of what you were hoping for from the psychologist and that you were asked a lot of questions. I don’t know if this will help to share my experience, but when I saw a different psychologist before the one I’m seeing now, he asked a lot of questions while not really responding to anything I said. Like you I found it increasingly distressing. He’d ask me something, I’d honestly answer as best I could and then he’d correct my answer like it was wrong. It was exhausting and alienating. Eventually I dissociated, was unable to speak and left in tears. I realised he had good intentions but he just didn’t know how to reach me. So therapists sometimes don’t seem to be able to read the impact of their approach and that it’s not working. That may be the case with yours, but all the technical problems would have messed up the flow of things too so it kind of throws things out of balance as well.

Please don’t feel disheartened and know you’re just experiencing overwhelm. I’ve had to deal with suicidality arising in recent months as well and I’ve learned it’s all about overwhelm, not wanting to actually die. Like you I’ve felt like I’m literally being pulled in two directions at once between the will to live and giving up. If it’s any encouragement, the part driving towards death is subsiding for me now.

There’s a few things you could try to deal with the situation. You could possibly email the psychologist and explain how the session impacted you. It would be good for her to know. She may then be able to adjust her approach. It seems that right now what you want are strategies more than being questioned about things that are painful. She is probably trying to uncover the source of your struggles but it sounds like that’s too overwhelming for you right now, and it’s fine to tell her that.

If the technical issues are too problematic, you may be better seeing her in person as you did previously, despite the long trip. You could combine the visit with one of your walks and make it a self-nurturing day out (if you can manage the drive and it’s not too tiring).

As you liked this psychologist in the beginning this may just be one bad session and the challenges can be worked through. But sometimes the person isn’t the right fit and that’s ok too. I found a really good psych in the end who has a very gentle, compassionate approach and that has worked for me. But I know the frustration of struggling to find that right person.

 I would say the biggest healing thing for me has been having others be emotionally present with me when vulnerable. I recently broke down and cried in my psych session and she was so there with me, just kindly supportive. Sometimes what our nervous system needs more than anything is that co-regulation. That in itself sets self-healing processes in the mind/body/spirit in motion. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but want you to know healing the conflicts within you is possible.

Sending you kindness and keep posting how you’re going/feeling if it helps.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray

Thank you so much for your comments and for sharing your own experiences. I know we don't all think and understand on the same level and the psychologist are probably trying to do their best. Shouldn't they be able to read though if their approach is causing more distress? I don't know anymore.

As the session ended in such a distressing and unsatisfactory manner, I am not sure if I can make myself go through such a harrowing time again. Usually at the end of a session another appointment is made. This did not happen because the internet dropped out. She did text and suggested we have a face to face appointment as you mentioned next time.

I was very distressed and responded with a less than appropriate response. I don't know if there will be a next appointment.

My mind is so messed up I just want to run away for a few days. I would love to go to a peaceful resort on a beach where the water is warm and where I can swim in the ocean. A place where someone will prepare all my meals and I just have to rest, relax and try to work on my mental health some how.

I am exhausted. I keep trying and feel like I am going backwards instead of forwards. I'm not coping well with glitches and inconveniences.

Earlier today I went for a walk to somewhere that I had hoped would be quiet. The farmers in the adjoining paddocks decided that was the time to start ploughing their paddocks. Understandable. I just needed quiet. I couldn't find it.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

 I can hear you’re having such a tough time. It sounds like you’ve really been recognising what you need which is to decompress and find that quiet space where you can experience some rest and healing. I know it feels bad now but you will find that healing space. You are always so observant of your environment on your walks and connecting with what’s around you. Perhaps tomorrow, if you are able, you could go to a peaceful spot you like and just totally let go of all the stress and rest.

With regard to the psychologist, if you want to and feel able, you could try emailing or texting and just explain you were distressed in the moment when you contacted her. You can explain how and why you were struggling and apologise for anything you said that may have been not the most appropriate response. If you’d like another appointment in person you could ask if that’s possible. Being a psychologist, she is likely to have some understanding about the emotional turmoil you’re experiencing. If you did want to do that you could perhaps wait until tomorrow or a couple of days when you feel a bit more settled.

Sometimes when things rupture it’s actually an opportunity for healing. You learn things out of it that can help you moving forward. It could be a way of building an understanding with the psychologist and a way to grow out of difficulty. Of course it depends a bit on the psychologist’s skills in understanding and communicating with you, but if she has good skills she’s likely to respond in a constructive way.

It does sound like seeing her in person is better. My psych is in another state so telehealth is the only option. Only twice do I recall technical difficulties. The first time we had a session drop out I’d just processed an assault I’d been through and so I remember it feeling disturbing when the call dropped out. So I get why that experience can throw you when vulnerable. Fortunately she was able to call and reconnect.

Just see now if you can rest, go gently and decompress. Our nervous system can sometimes just get overwrought and it can take a while to de-escalate and let go of the tension and stress. See if you can do some things you love in the next few days, whether it is your craft, reading, walking or whatever feels right for you. Just the absorption in activity can really help to recalibrate and find equilibrium again.

Sending you much care and kindness.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dools

I’ve just caught up on your post and following conversation with Eagle Ray, who by the way makes a lot of sense of the situation and has offered some great advice.

I’m so very sorry that after all the effort you went though to find this practitioner that the session was so distressing and unhelpful. I felt like crying when I read your words.

I know from my daughter’s journey and my own experiences how hard it is to find the right person to help. I don’t have any clever answers, but maybe it will help to know that you’re not alone.
It’s not you, Dools. It’s a complex process. And it is utterly exhausting.

Perhaps, for now, just pause. You don’t have to make any decisions today or tomorrow or even the next day. Take some time to decompress and settle. And, when you’re ready, you will move forward towards better health.

Kind thoughts to you💜

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray,

Thanks for your very thoughtful and helpful words. I hope others that may be reading here can appreciate the wisdom you have shared. 

Yes, I do have the option of contacting the psychologist via email and requesting a face to face visit. An explanation of my response to her and an apology would go a long way too!

I've been reading some Beyond Blue information on suicidal thoughts that has been helpful. I will expand my Google search further to see what else is available. 

My book shelf has a few self help books, maybe what I may find more helpful is a work book on mental health, but then I guess that would be more beneficial if I had someone able to explain my responses and make me aware of my interpretations and behaviours. 

The same day the psychologist appointment didn't go well, I had been trying to organise to participate in a mental health wellness program at work. The staff member I contacted for that was very rude to me, dismissive, and made me feel like I was bothering her. She then told me the sessions were for some people in my department but I was not included. She could have spoken to me respectfully and explained it differently.

I will try to make the most of today, I will be aware of my thoughts, they are already quite dark, I will write down ideas of things I can do today to look after myself and find a quiet place to sit.

To all who are doing it tough, I feel for you. If you want to share, this is a safe place to do so. Regards to all from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Summer Rose,

Thank you for your kind words of support and care, knowing we are not alone when we are struggling so much is very beneficial, so thanks.

Sometimes I do think it is me and my mental health that makes this journey of trying to receive help so ridiculously messy at times. 

I guess one of the issues is that each psychologist you go to wants to know what makes you tick and needs to know how we react and why (possibly). It does not help when I feel like I am being battered and my already fragile state is ready to crumble further when I am actually looking for ways to put myself back together again.

Thanks for your kind thoughts. I hope your daughter is progressing okay with her own journey. Regards from Dools.