Sick and tired of being sick

Bbydoll · ‎23-06-2020

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.

I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.

I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

Bbydoll · ‎18-03-2021

Spent another 4 days in hospital because the second abscess needed surgery and IV antibiotics. All on my own. As per usual. No visitors. Couldn't even log online because of no reception. So could only text a few people. It looks like I'll need further surgery to try and prevent these abscesses - although the preventative surgery has already been done once and I had only 2 years before they came back.

I also got notification that I'm still on the waiting list to have surgery on my ovaries for cysts. And it's on a big Sydney hospital and was supposed to happen last year. But with Covid it was postponed.

No one understands how isolating this is. I had to walk to and from the hospital from home - because I don't drive. I have no one around me and I didn't even have enough money for a taxi! To make matters worse it was raining when I left to go to the hospital - but as there was puss coming out of the abscess I had no choice, I had to go straight away with all of the medications and my physical illnesses.

It's all tooo much. I'm so tired of struggling

Guest_1055 · ‎18-03-2021

Oh doll, so sorry you are experiencing all this. It just seems so overwhelming. Wish I could help you somehow.

Bbydoll · ‎20-03-2021

Thanks Shelll. I wish there was an easy solution to all of this. But it seems that there aren't any easy answers. I walked down in the pouring rain because my battery in my phone finally died. I wanted to order groceries online but couldn't because it would shut down before I checked it out. So got that. Picked up a parcel from the post office as they tried to deliver it when I was in hospital. Went to the chemist. Did some grocery shopping and got a taxi home as it had started raining and as I'm writing this it's getting heavier out side. I bought some soup. And crumbed chicken and potatoes, pumpkin and sweet potato to roast in the oven.. perfect for wet weather! I'm so glad that I won't have to go out again until Tuesday - as hopefully by then it will ease up. I suspect a wet winter is on the cards!!!!

Guest_1055 · ‎20-03-2021

Hello Doll, not sure how you go at walking or how far you walked. But physically walking is great for most people. And you were outside breathing in fresh air. All good.

Yummy roast pumpkin and potatoes.

Bbydoll · ‎24-03-2021

Hi Shelll, I only walked about a kilometer to the shops - but then did the grocery shopping and running around doing errands. I've been binge eating again and it's making me feel ill in my guts. My depression and feeling pretty over being so unwell all the time!! I'm finally off the antibiotics. I had a few days where I was getting chills and my tonsils red with puss, my bladder working over time, stabbing pain in my left ovary. But all that has stopped now thankfully; my guess is that my body was processing the 2 surgeries in 2 months and lots of antibiotics and healing of 2 abscesses.. on top of my usual illnesses. It's so tiring emotionally AND physically. I was supposed to see my GP today, but he was stuck at home as his place is flooded - I'm hoping to see him tomorrow otherwise I have to wait until next week and I need scripts for my usual meds plus a once over after the antibiotics etc.

Guest_1055 · ‎24-03-2021

Hello Doll, think your guess is correct about your body processing all the surgeries, the antibiotics and the abscesess, plus all the other issues. No wonder you feel tired. It sounds exhausting actually. It takes so much of your energy to heal properly and such.

I know you have never asked for advice and perhaps you are just venting and wanting to feel a connection to someone else. But if I was in your situation I would be getting my nutrients from juices. Lots of freshly extracted vegetable juices. There is no fibre in them, so maybe your body could tolerate them. All the rawness of the vegetables would help put back all the good bacteria into your gut that the antibiotics would have wiped out. And if you include turmeric, ginger in your juice it would most likely help with the inflammation in your body, like the inflamed tonsils. Honestly Doll, if you could possibly do juicing I would really consider it.

I am about to get back onto juicing soon. Reason being I physically feel like crap. As I too have issues with eating junk. It has been chocolate Easter bunnies at the moment. I know what it feels like to feel nourished, relatively healthy and fit. I just want to get back to that. As my quality of life has dimished.

Anyways...

Must be your birthday soon is it? And the cruise, are you going on that still? That sounded good. Even though you didn't say much about it, I am imagining being in the beautiful and healing sunshine. Hearing the waves in the ocean.

And walking 1 kilometre is better then 0 kilometres too.

Bbydoll · ‎25-03-2021

Hi Shelll, unfortunately I won't be seeing my GP until next week because of the floods. I've got some swollen lymph nodes today and passed out last night whilst watching some tv. I don't think that my gut could handle juices.. and I don't have a juicer anyways. It's just that I'm eating a large amount of food at the moment.

I haven't heard back from my friend about the cruise.. I have a feeling he won't be able to go - as the last few times I've tried to get him together for something he's either said no immediately or cancelled on me closer to the date. I don't have anything to wear anyways because of the weight gain - I'm almost a size 24-26. I've never been this big.. I bought a size 24 dress and it doesn't fit.. I'm so unmotivated to do much because I'm so exhausted all the time at the moment and I know it's the fatigue from illnesses and fighting off the infections. Occasionally it will be because of anemia but mines not that bad atthe moment.

Bbydoll · ‎26-03-2021

Slept from about 7pm last night to midday today because of the swollen hard lymph node. Have been having lots of fluids and some over the counter meds for temperatures and just watching some crap on tv. And will be heading back to bed soon. But am starting to feel a bit better. It was very painful but the swelling is finally going down which is good otherwise I'd be back at hospital. Will be seeing myGP on Tuesday and hopefully will be able to get a once over but probably still my body getting over everything. It's so tiring!!

Bbydoll · ‎02-04-2021

Hi Shelll, because I hadn't back from my friend. I sent him a text 2 days ago and he finally responded about my birthday and of course I was right. He can't come. He's doing a play and it's opening night then. I'm so upset. I so wanted one night out with him but he'd rather be on stage then spend time with me. I've asked my friend, who has let me down in the past if she wants to come and if she's available for that night or even one after that but chances are she won't be available as she works on trains and has long shifts and usually is away over weekends. But I literally have no one else to ask. I'm so upset as I was so looking forward to it but of course it's not going to happen. I don't matter to anyone in my life. I'm so tired of feeling like I don't matter... like I'm some kind of weirdo that's more of a problem than people want to be around.

Guest_1055 · ‎02-04-2021

Hi Doll,

I am sorry your friend is unable to go with you on the cruise. And maybe the other one as well. It would have been nice to go with someone. Do you think you will go anyway? Might be kinda fun still.

How did you go at the GP, and are you feeling a bit better at all? Like with the swelling

Hey have you come across the Beyond Blue cafe on here. Just thought I would mention it just in case you feel like mixing with some other people on here. I know it is not the same as real life... but maybe you would like it.

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Happy Easter to you Doll, here is a virtual easter egg for you.

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