Sick and tired of being sick

[Bbydoll]

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.

I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.

I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

[Bbydoll]

I'm heading to the hospital soon as I've had a fistula open up. It's very painful and bleeding on my bottom. It's causing me pain and I'm constipated which only aggravates the area. I can obviously treat the constipation but previously they've cut open the fistula as I'm on immune suppressant medications and I can't have an infection as it's very dangerous. I'm so tired of being in and out of hospital. I have to ask the chemist to give me my medication and plastic earrings tomorrow even though I won't have any money until Thursday. .. luckily he knows me quite well and should be ok.

[Guest_1055]

I cannot say much, but I am sorry you are experiencing that. It does sound so very painful. Wish I could take away all the pain for you, so you would not feel it.

Hope you feel some what better soon, or as well as you can be.

[Bbydoll]

Thanks Shelll, I'm home resting and recuperating now. I ordered some hungry jacks for dinner and managed to knock the drink all over my kitchen floor. .. so much for making life easier for myself. I've spent half this pay on getting groceries delivered and with nothing exciting except for some extra lifelong milk (which I normally use); and some extra incontinence pads used after surgery. .. it doesn't get very far. I've got apples and some bananas and a bit of frozen fruit. It's no wonder I'm fat; whenI can't afford better food to eat!! The food pantries here, you need a car to access it - of course I don't have that. It's just pathetic. I'm tired and sore. And just over everything!!

[Guest_1055]

Yeah life can seem like that. Just plain over everything. Had enough sort of feeling. It is challenging.

Hey have you got a blender? You could make some kind of smoothie with those bananas, frozen fruit and milk. And even add some green spinach in it, if you had some.

Sorry about the spill of drink on your kitchen floor. Will you have issues mopping it up? Good thing about that is if it was a refined sugar kind of drink, well your body would do better without it anyway. If you don't mind me saying so. Hope you are not offended, but it is logically true.

I really do wish I could help you somehow.

If you are able to eat canned beans and lentils and you like them. They can be pretty cheap and fill you up as well.

Maybe you are watching a movie, that is what I am doing.

[Bbydoll]

Hi Shelll, the drink was mopped up with an old towel. I have crohns disease - it affects the bowel, so I can't really eat spinach or lentils. Or anything too fibrous. Sometimes all I can eat is carb type foods due to nausea that's a daily problem. I'm still very sore and sleeping a lot. I'm not feeling motivated to do much at the moment. I'm finding it hard to eat anything but forcing myself because I need to heal. Apples are great.. but not filling enough. So I've had a frozen meal but unfortunately it was high in fat so I won't be buying it again. I bought some weight watchers frozen meals and some frozen veggies to eat when I eventually get back into cooking. I love asian meals, so I'm thinking when I do get back into cooking; I'll be doing some stir fries and soups. My birthday is in just over 3 months time.. but what I want is to go on a boat on Sydney harbour but I don't think it will happen. My closest friend is a guy, whose wife doesn't like us spending time together. And I have one female friend who I'm close to but she works ridiculous shift hours and rarely has any free time... and I know that she won't take a night off work for me. My brother doesn't want to spend time with me. I recently asked if I could spend a weekend with him and his family and he said that he didn't have time for that... but I overhead him making plans with his friends to do things. He said we could organize to have lunch and I haven't heard anything back from him and it's been about 5 weeks since we spoke.

[Bbydoll]

The abscess/fistula on my bottom is still very painful. It hurts to walk, sit and lie down! I'm seeing my GP on Wednesday and then have more fillings at the dentist on Thursday. I have had a half dozen fillings done through the dental clinic and doesn't cost anything but I still need to get 2 crowns one of which is over a thousand dollars - which I am hoping that my uncle will pay for. This phone needs to be replaced and I'm supposed to be going to a Sydney gatsby party thing for my birthday but will need to pay for 2 tickets (one for myself and 1 for my friend).. plus will need to buy another dress because I keep gaining more weight because all I'm doing is sleeping. I think my kidneys are getting worse as I'm sure that I'm carrying extra water as well. I'm so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and tonight my tummy is cramping because I ate corn on the cob yesterday and it's still in my system... so sick of this

[Bbydoll]

I've been sleeping during the day for 12 hours straight and finding that I'm up in the afternoon - watch tv and eat dinner. Maybe watch the 830pm movie although I've managed to completely black out in front of it. No medication changes, no real changes in my mood - just constant fatigue with my auto immune issues. Nothing gets done. I've even slept through text messages notifications on my phone with it beside my bedside. Nothing really wakes me in my sleep.. it's really frustrating. I've had ongoing issues with abscesses on my bottom causing pain into the muscles when I'm bending and sitting -as well as bleeding and having to constantly wear a pad to catch it all. Any wonder that I'm exhausted. My closest friend called me a hermit because in his words I don't go anywhere or talk to anyone but it's not like I haven't tried!!! On top of my health problems. I've grown up having to look after myself with verbal abuse from both parents. And physical abuse from my father - who was almost locked up because of it. Then having my friends leave me during high school preferring to be with their boyfriends than spend time with a non drinking; unwell person. I tried getting my extended family together around this time too; and now they want nothing to do with me including my brother now who'd rather organise things with his mates than spendtime with me!!! Romantic relationships have been something else that doesn't happen when you're constantly sick .. I haven't been able to work or even study at the local campus at university which would have ideally had me meeting people. I've even tried online dating websites to no avail. I can't even get a guy to meet me up for a coffee.. most only want to just hookup and I want more than to be just used. I've already dealt with that kind of situation in my 20s.

[Bbydoll]

I'm back to binge eating at night; which doesn't help my weight or my numerous health issues. I bought a new dre

[Guest_1055]

Hi doll

I don't have many words to say. But wanted you to know that I am reading what you are saying. And hoping that by you knowing that you may not feel so alone there.

Shelley

[Bbydoll]

Hi Shelley; thanks for the reply. I've been having issues with my health and although I haven't gone back to hospital - I probably require more surgery on the abscesses. I've been binge eating again and feeling horrible because a dress that I bought for my upcoming birthday doesn't fit me. I'm supposed to be going on a cruise with my friend that called me a hermit but I haven't heard back yet from and it's almost 5 weeks since I spoke with him. If he bails, I won't have any one else to go with. I am feeling very alone. I can't get NDIS; even though I need help keeping my apartment clean and doing errands. My illnesses are diseases and not considered a disability despite me being too sick to work or study. I honestly don't know what is keeping me alive anymore because no one wants to be around me. No one invites me... even after me continually asking others out to do things with me. Even paying for their tickets to shows or the boat fare for my upcoming birthday celebration etc.