Sick and tired of being sick

[Bbydoll]

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.

I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.

I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

[Brose1706]

Hey bbydoll, I understand how you feel... I feel ignored and as if everyone knows that I am not okay but just can’t be bothered dealing with me.

I have had this pain in my stomach for over a year now and no doctors can find out what it is so I feel like I am just left to suffer. It hurts. It never stops. I was bedridden for most of last year and wanted to end my life this year.

I know this sounds so cheesy and I hate it when people say this to me, but everything will get better. Look for the good in life and focus on stuff that makes you happy. Not others. Just know that I care for you.

sincerely, Beth ❤️

[Bbydoll]

Thanks BigBlue for your kind words and ideas. Unfortunately as one of my health issues affects my digestive tracts; I struggle eating good foods, like nuts and salads as it's actually painful and upsets my guts as well. Hence me needing to see a dietitian as I am limited to what I can actually eat - it's not just as simple as eating better food choices unfortunately.

[Bbydoll]

Hey Beth, thanks for the kind words. Yeah. It's not fun that's for sure! Have you seen a gastroenterologist - a bowel doctor? They could do an colonoscopy and endoscopy (a scope from your mouth down). .. both are done at the same time when you're under anesthetic - so you don't know anything about what's going on. Your GP can do a referral. If I was you, I'd ask for one. But honestly don't stop looking for answers. They can also do a test for coeliac disease.

Keep looking for answers. You know you own body. And I have fought doctors in the past to get diagnosed. Unfortunately sometimes it means seeing lots of doctors but it's worth it at the end of the day! All the best.

[Bbydoll]

Spent all day sleeping after spending most of yesterday trying to clean up and organzing my kitchen. We have a cockroach problem - so I've had to pull out everything and then clean down and put more cockroach baits out. And clean all the dishes etc. I also had some grocery shopping to put away. I got about half way done and was exhausted - because I had also done a walk down to the shops to grab a few things and run some errands. I still ended up binge eating Saturday night and feeling ill through out most of Sunday because of it. It's now the early hours of Monday morning and I've polished off a block of chocolate and feel sick again. I'm still sore and tired from Saturday and still have more cleaning to do.

[Ggrand]

Hello Bbydoll..

No wonder you slept all day and your still sore from cleaning...You done so much in one day..Well done...it’s strange how a little cockroach can motivate us to do things even when we’re not feeling up to it...Well done..

Im sorry your binge eating chocolate..I used to do that a lot...Well I still do , but only once a month now..I stopped buying it when I went shopping, and now buy a small block once a month.. the only way I could stop binging on it was to not buy it every time I went shopping...Maybe this is something that would help you...but it still requires a lot of strength not to buy it...

Not sleeping through the night is a big trigger for me to start munching on whatever sweet things I have...I now have a sleep routine of going to bed around 10:30 - 11.30 each night, after a cup of sweet tea..which helps the craving for something sweet..

I hope your okay Bbydoll....Talk here anytime you feel up to it..

Grandy..

[Bbydoll]

Hi Grandy, I've pinched a muscle in my neck. So have spent the day gently stretching it infront of the tv. I had bought myself lunch to be delivered and over ate it. It wasn't exciting and honestly I shouldn't have paid for it. As that money should have gone to my zip pay account. I've also ordered a mix box of fairy floss to share with a friend. I'm completely broke after that until next pay. I've got enough food and necessities for the fortnight but don't have any extra money to do anything or go anywhere but I guess that's to be expected on the dsp. Hope you're having a good Monday!

[Ggrand]

Dear Bbydoll...

Its good to read that you are being caring and kind to yourself bu resting up today and doing gentle stretches for your pinched muscle....Well done...

I’m sorry your lunch wasn’t as yummy as it should have been...Having it delivered is go good..saves you going out to buy it...I live out in central western rural.. delivery doesn’t exits here for me...To far away from the shopping centre for deliveries...

I understand about paying bills etc..on dsp..I’m also on it...and it’s really hard to go anywhere or do things we like after paying our bills...

Fairy Floss...I like very much..I hope so much that you and your friend enjoy it..and have a great time...with some happy memories to look back on...

Kind thoughts dear Bbydoll.....

Grandy..

[Bbydoll]

I can't stop the binge eating. And I've noticed that my teeth are now chipping away thanks to all the meds. I'm eating a lot of carbs as that's what I've got in the cupboards as I bought them to last for several weeks. I'm not sure that they will. I'm now also paying off a pair of boots and some accessories - so my next few payments will be extra tight. I still haven't had my teeth fixed. All I've been doing is sleeping again. And just wasting the days away. Maybe part of me thinks that I deserve to suffer - or something. I can't seem to get the motivation to do anything for myself.

I also received the fairy floss yesterday and ate 90% of it in one day. There's a small amount of it for my friend to try. We aregoing to have a sleep over after having some dinner out. And I'll need to buy a few things for breakfast. I feel so guilty about eating the fairy floss as I was going to share it with her whilst we watched movies together.

It all seems to much. I don't know if I have the energy to fight this much more.

[Bbydoll]

So this morning I've eaten 2 small tins of spaghetti, one packet of 2 min noodles. And I finished eating the fairy floss. How pathetic am I?

[monkey_magic]

Hi Bbydoll,

I'm also on meds and they can really knock you around. I know a lot of people that sleep a lot on them and I also sleep more on them. I think it's common for people suffering a lot of health issues to also lack motivation. You can also want to eat more as well, as a symptom.
I don't like the fact your teeth are chipping away. I'd go and tell the doctor.

I wouldn't feel too guilty about the fairy floss, it's delicious and sometimes we give in to our cravings. I'm sure your friend will forgive you.

I would use my energy to heal.... sometimes that's all we can do. Having health issues can be draining.

I hope you have a great time with your friend...I went out y'day and did feel better being out.

All the best